From Home straight to High School

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T13:09:00.000-08:00

I didn't really want to write this post. I wanted 2011 to just quietly slip out of here.
It was a hard year for me. A lot of goodbyes.
I wish it had been alot of good buys. Unfortunately I didn't buy much of anything, another hard thing about 2011.
Goodbyes stink. And hurt.

But as with God, when I start to sit and think about all the hard things, He gently brings things to my mind that were from Him. The good things.
And I see that maybe even some of the goodbyes were from Him too.

He reminded me of a lot of fun amazing things that happened this year. Things I will want to remember about 2011.

So, I'm stealing the year of pictures idea from some other bloggers.
Hoping to look back on 2011, despite the bad, as a good year and not just let it slip away.
I hope you too, can look back on your 2011 and see, through some of the bad, that the hand of God was on you.

January
This is one of those goodbyes I was talking about. Saying goodbye to this little guy almost broke me in half. But when i see this picture and remember this moment, I laugh. Our family had the best time being in his life and he changed us. For that I will always be thankful and grateful.

February

My oldest is not naturally outgoing, so when she came to me and wanted to do her schools version of a beauty pageant, I was shocked. But also so excited and proud. First things first, she needed a dress. Here we are shopping for dresses. She wanted big! This is the dress we picked. Isn't it amazing. This was one of the funnest days. Watching her try on all those dresses was like a dream!

March
Of course for that same beauty pageant she needed a talent. We came up with her reciting a poem. One we wrote together about herself. On the back of her t-shirt it says, ME! Here is the poem we wrote:

So, I have tried many things in the pursuit of finding me
Wondering just who it is I’m trying to be

At first it was soccer which seemed really fun
But ya know what, all they do is run

Then I thought ballet would teach me some grace
Um no, I still tend to end up on my face

Volleyball was the next sport I wanted to try
But every time I stood at that net, I just wanted to cry

Track, around and around and around we did run
Well, I was ready to be done after week one

Tennis, well that was easy, it was all about the cute skirt
But ow, those tennis balls, they really hurt

And even though swimming is the sport I still love best
I have never had the honor of a medal upon my chest

Now it’s a crown on my head my heart seeks
But man, this has been a really hard 3 weeks

Maybe I should stop all these things I am trying to be
And just give myself time to find the real me

April

The snow finally melted and we decided to go on a famly hike on our property. I don't get outside much even though I love it. Well, kinda. Here is my youngest having so much fun and our dog bringing up the rear keeping us safe.

May
My husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage in May. Seriously amazing. Marriage is hard, but we're not giving up. The girls wanted to try on my wedding dress. I'm still hoping one of them will want to wear it on their wedding day. My oldest tried it on and said Uh no. And I agreed, it just wasn't her.

June
My oldest did not win that pageant, but her experience was one of the most fun things she has ever done. God rewarded her though, as she was asked to fill in for one of the girls and be in a local parade. So fun! That's her, in the front on the left. She is waving to her sisters on the other side of the road. I was the crazy Mom running along side of the float taking pictures. We call it Momarazzi.

July

The 3 girls have all been a part of our summer swimteam for the last few years. My middle daughter is amazing at just about any sport she does. In swim she has spent lots of time on the 2nd and 3rd place podiums, but never the top 1st place spot. Well that changed this summer. Here she is receiving her first 1st place gold medal! (And can we just acknowledge the size of the girl next to her) Wow!

August
This should be another one of the bad things, but when I look back at how brave and good she was, going through this whole ordeal, I can't help but be so proud of her. Although to be honest i hate thinking about her tiny little bone be broken, but it gave me sympathy for those Moms going through such more horrible painful ordeals with their kids.

September

Bitter sweet the first day of school is. After being a homeschooling Mom for so many years, part of me still hurts at not keeping them with me all day. I miss them like crazy every day.

Such cuties.

October

Thsi was so fun! I got crafty. This was an old dresser that I sanded eeewwww and painted and put in my 2 youngest girls' room. I just love it and am now addicted and want to do more.

November
Oh my goodness. Watching my middle daughter play basketball was such a highlight. She is amazing and a natural. I wish I could have filmed myself though, as I would get so excited and loud! Those are 2 words that do not usually describe me. My husband said I was pretty funny to watch and I'm pretty sure I looked a fool. seriously. But it was just so fun!
She is in the white uniform and getting ready to switch hands and go right around that girl gaurding her.

December
I love Christmas morning every year. This year my middle daughter surprised us by coming down the stairs in the morning playing Jingle bells on the flute. It was so sweet. And look at little sis holding the book for her. My favorite memory from Christmas morning.

So, lots to be thankful for that's for sure!

Happy New Year friends.

God Bless!

My baby is 8

2011-12-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

Today is my baby girl's birthday.
I am trying not to cry about it. When your baby is not a baby anymore, your heart kinda hurts.

She was a surprise 8 years and 9 months ago.
She was a surprise 8 years ago, as another girl!
And she surprises me still.

She is the only blonde in our family.
She is petite (don't call her skinny because she hates that).
She is bossy, opinionated, and knows just what she wants. I do love this about her even though it tests me as a mom, sometimes daily.
She loves watching the things her big sisters do and wants to be apart of everything. This tests her sisters, sometimes daily.
She loves animals. Last year she talked her dad into bringing our dog to school for show and tell. This week she has been ~~begging~~ asking me to bring in our cat.
She has big beautiful brown eyes. Just like her dad's. But don't tell her she looks like her dad because she will get mad because he is a boy.
She loves to read. She has wanted to read her Bible from beginning to end but just doesn't understand why it's so long and she forgets where she's at and what she read already and then wants to start back at the beginning again.........
She wanted noodles for her special dinner. noodles. that's it.

Happy Birthday 8 year old. You'll always be my baby.

being thankful for family even when it's hard

2011-11-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving.

Most people look forward to spending this day with family. Some we don't see but once or twice a year and it's so fun catching up, giving hugs and kisses, and seeing how the little ones have grown.

But sometimes it's just plain hard.

Sometimes your the only Christian in your family. Your parents or grandparents, your aunts, uncles, cousins the people you have grown up loving and respecting just don't get you.
They cuss, drink, say the Lord's name in vain, argue, bicker, make fun of you........

They're lost.

And it's hard.
You try and be the light of Jesus. Love them where they are. Not judge. Not preach. Not become angry yourself. Wonder why you even bother coming.

My prayer for those of us that may be going through this is that Jesus knows. He's there too.

Jesus had a hard time himself when He went home.
"Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor." Matt 13:57

May you see your lost family members as just that......lost.
May you see them through His eyes today.
May you be protected from the things that hurt.
May the Holy Spirit be upon you and the words of your mouth be from Him.

And those that have a house full of believers in Jesus, rejoice and be extra thankful today.

40

2011-11-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

I turn 40 today. Sometime tonight around 7 pm actually. My Mom will call at the exact moment of my birth. The one constant i could always count on from her. It might not seem like much from a Mom but really it has always meant alot to me. And i know it does to her. She has always said that giving birth to me was the one thing she got right.

okay I did not mean to make this into a sappy mom post.......

I really just wanted to share my Birthday with you all. All 2 of you that possibly will be reading this. And 1 of those is my sister.........

In honor of turning 40 I am doing a give away (giveaway?)
Maybelline's Great lash mascara (the pink and green tube) and Starbuck's also turned 40 this year, so that's my prize, mascara and coffee!

To enter:
Leave me a Birthday wish and if you are 40 or over, something great about being 40!

*** Contest closed. Winners were the 2 people that left comments...That's you Christy and
Mrs. Claus! ***
** But please feel free to leave me a 40th Birthdaywish and something great about turning 40! **

heartbreak

2011-03-10T12:50:00.000-08:00

I went to work at the beginning of the school year.

I really don't consider it work, except for the 5:30 alarm clock and the fact that I am away from home everyday.
I get to go to my best friend's house and watch her grandson, her foster baby, her niece who is also a foster child,and any other little rugrats I can find in the afternoons.
I love it.
If I didn't miss my own girls so much (they all 3 go to public school now...which makes me think I need to change the name of my blog a little bit) I'd say it was the perfect situation.

So, the heartbreak.
The foster baby is 15 mos. old. I wish I could post a picture of him on here, he is so adorable. He has huge brown eyes with the longest lashes ever. They melt me.
I've known him since he was 3 mos. old. I started watching him everyday at 7 mos. old. I started taking him home with me at 11 mos. old. I fell in love with him somewhere along the way.

A few months ago my husband I started talking about becoming foster parents. With the main goal being able to be a real part of his life.
But we just talked about it.
This week I've learned that he is leaving.
I wish I could go into detail about the reasons, but it's so compicated, I don't think I even get it. Ofcourse my heart doesn't want to understand it at all.
He leaves Tuesday.
Today he walked for the first time, like real steps all the way to me. He is a little delayed physically, so this was a huge deal. He was so excited and so was I that we both were just laughing about it, and suddenly my laughter turned to sobs.
In my mind the last few months I have been trying to picture him being part of my family. Which my whole family has fallen in love too. Even my husband.
And now my mind has to picture never seeing him again. My mind can at times make sense of the situation and see that it will be best. But my heart does not.

Why do some people come into our lives and just grab us by the heart, only to leave all too soon?
I'm trusting God with this. What else can I do.

Would you pray for this little boy, for whatever God has in store for him. And for my heart these next few days........

Back in the saddle again

2011-03-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Name that tune......

Well.
It's been awhile. So long that I actually couldn't find the italic button for like 5 minutes.
Found it.

I wish I had words to explain my absence, besides just being too busy. I actually have been extremely busy, but it's been more than that.
I tend to be an all or nothing type of do-er. I hate rushing through things and feeling like I'm trying to cram it all in. The blog part of my life felt like that for the last 5 months or so. I'd still open it up and peak into most of your ~~lives~~ blogs but rarely comment.
But I'm realizing that my all or nothing personality hinders me. It doesn't have to be that way.

I haven't talked to my sister in months.
I've been busy and I want to give her my time and energy and a clear head and right now I don't have any of that. But maybe all she's needed is an I love you.

I haven't written here because I can't seem to have one inspirational thought that makes any sort of sense and I really don't want to talk about my life as I feel so confused about where I'm at right now. But maybe all I needed to write was a scripture for the day, tell you all to have a great day, or write down that small funny thing one of my daughters did.

I don't have to give my all, only what I have.

gonna go write my sister now. And maybe leave a comment or two.

Why? Why? Why?

2010-10-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

I've spent alot of time thinking and rethinking about my first chapter review of Radical and although not skeptical anymore, still confused for sure.

Confused about what this means for me.
Living radical.

One of the biggest eye openers has been how the things I do relate to the building of the Kingdom of Heaven. What am I being Radical about and if theyll matter in Eternity.
I tend to get wrapped up in the every day things and the needs of people right now and not always see where a need may be for their souls.

When I read about Jesus dieing on the cross, in Chapter 2 (pgs. 34-36)
I had to stop and take it in. again.
I know why He died. Maybe lately I've just been focusing on and seeing just my own sins upon Him as He hung there. And believe me, my sins alone are painful to see.

He sweat drops of blood and begged for this cup to be taken from Him and as I read his words reminding us that it was about All of God's holy wrath and hatred towards sin and sinners, stored up since the beginning of the world, about to be poured out on Him, I saw and felt it. It's too painful to even imagine really.

Now Chapter 3 really got me.
On page 45 when he writes that we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power....
ummmm yeah...that slightly describes me. and I don't like it.

But then he goes on to quote my life verse.
"I am the vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I was first saved I read that scripture and the end is what really caught my attention.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.

All the things I do that have nothing to do with Jesus or his plans......... are nothing.

So why then am I doing so many things?
Why am I worrying about so much?
Why do I care way too much about what someone else thinks about me?
Why? Why? Why?

See the still confused part?

Trying to apply this book to my everyday life is hard but I want to. And wishing I wasn't so confused by it. Jesus was not confused as he prepared to die on that cross. He knew it was going to be unbearably hard and wished it wasnt so. But He was not confused.
I don't want to live confused. I want to live knowing that there are going to be some hard things I will have to do in the name of Jesus and yet boldly do them anyway.

RADICAL by David Platt

2010-09-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

So I joined Marla's read along, and even received this book for free because of some of her very generous friends. Today we are all writing our posts on Chapter 1.

I am a skeptic.
About alot of things. Especially though, when it comes to books about Jesus.
I don't easily jump right on the bandwagon either.
I like to be skeptical and question and make sure it's God that's doing the talking to me.

So that's how I approached this first chapter. And to be honest, I still feel a tad bit skeptical.

What is it exactly I'm feeling skeptical about?

it's not about being RADICAL, but more of what exactly defines being RADICAL.

Because to be honest I feel like it could be different for all of us.

There are times in the Bible where Jesus was surrounded by thousands of people. Even at times reading about John the Baptist it talks about the crowds from all over the region going to him. The sermon on the Mount gives a picture of a huge crowd.
So, was Jesus not being RADICAL in those moments?

Are my friends, who work 2 jobs each so they can send their 16 year old daughter to a far away private school for gifted children, who someday wants to work at a neonatal hospital saving babies lives, not radical?

Am I, who chooses to stay in a marriage because I feel Jesus is telling me to, even though the world would look at my circumstance and tell me I have every right to leave, not radical?

Is my daughter, who chooses daily to not have a boyfriend or have sex before marriage, not radical?

I totally get what this Author is saying and I do feel that beginning tug at my heart. I would love to right at this moment sell everything I own and serve His world. Only I don't think that's quite possible right this moment and I just don't want to feel guilty about where the Lord has me right now. I don't want to feel like works and doing things for Him are all He is after. Because I can't work my way into His arms, I can just freely come into them.

I am clearly only on Chapter 1 and I, like the Author, may just end up with more questions than answers at the end. And if I sound comfortable or maybe stubborn, I'm not worried, because Jesus has worked around that in me before. He is bigger and I will remain open to what it is He may be speaking to me through this book.

What do you think? Am I missing the point already?

Do I just sound selfish and scared?
Be honest, I can take it! :)

Head over to Marla's blog and see what others have to say about this book.

It's been good, but hard

2010-09-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

4 days of school.

It feels more like 4 years.

These have been the slowest days of my life. Time seems to stand still waiting for them to be done each day.

My middle girl(4th grade) is adjusting well. She's had one bad day so far. They had taken a timed math quiz and everyone finished except for her. She was crushed.
I later talked to her teacher and told her about how upset she was. Her response was very comforting. She said that there were other kids who did not finish as well and that even if she was the only one who wouldn't have finished it would not concern her. This was just a small quiz to see where the kids were all at. She told me she felt honored to be her very first public school teacher ever, that's never happened to her before. She told me that my daughter is doing very well socially and is very polite and funny and she can tell she will have many friends.

I already knew this about her. Her social skills are not what I was worried about. It's the schooling part that has always been hard for her and she knows that about herself. We've been doing alot of praying about just being aware of it. Not worried about it.

My youngest daughter (1st grade) seems to be doing good too. She does not tell me a thing though and it drives me crazy. I get lots of yes and no answers, and I need details!
She is a little more quiet and reserved and I imagine her playing by herself at recess and not talking at all in class.
I did get to go have lunch with her on Friday! I was so excited that I forgot to take a picture and I couldn't even eat my own lunch I had packed. But I didn't cry when I gave her a hug goodbye!

Today is Saturday and I am so glad to just be home and relaxing, well cleaning, but that's like relaxing to me.
Except the part where I was cleaning the office, which has always been our school room. I wanted to take the small table out that the girls sometimes did school on. Last year, for my youngest daughter who was doing Kindergarten, I had taped this cute long piece of paper on the table that had the alphabet on it. When I started to take it off, I started crying. Big tears dropped as I kept peeling the paper off. Tears are dropping now as I write this.
It's been hard.
Questioning myself.
Missing them.
Feeling so out of the loop about their day.
Wanting things in our life to be different.

But I'm relying on Jesus each and every day.
And my girls have made me so proud as I've watched them handle this major change in their lives.

Here they are on the first day of school as I walked them to their classes and made them pose with their teachers!

A change. A big change.

2010-08-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog, almost exactly 2 years ago, it was because I was struggling a bit with the fact that my oldest daughter was going to public school for the very first time. I had been homeschooling her for the past 8+ years. When her little sisters came along I had homeschooled them also.

2 years ago I would have never thought that I would ever even consider sending my, now 4th grade and 1st grade, daughters to public school.

That is exactly what will be happening tomorrow.

Our life has gone through a change.
Maybe I have gone through a change as well.

I am so overly emotional and sad and quite possibly a little heart broken about it.
I have prayed for our circumstances to change.
I have prayed for the finances to send my little ones to a private Christian based school.
I have prayed for the desire and strength to be able to do it all, work and homeschool.

And the whole time I kept getting more job offers and kept getting introduced to some amazing people who work at the public school.

In the midst of my worrying and crying, I do sense enough peace about it though.

I am scared that this is the biggest mistake I could make.
And believe me, people have told me that. Satan has told me that.

But I am reminded by God, that He was not scared when He knit these sweet babies together in MY womb. He saw this day already. He didn't do anything to stop it.

So tomorrow at around 8am, if your out and about dropping your own children off at school or standing at the bus stop with them or sitting down at the table at home with them I could sure use your prayers.

Real

2010-08-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

I was trying to think about what I wanted to share about from my family vacation.

Most of the things seem too personal.

My Dad's drinking
My Dad and Step Mom bickering and arguing
Step brother being very ill
Niece going through a breakup
Worrying about my sister, yet celebrating a victory with her
My oldest daughter missing her friends and pouting the first few days
My middle daughter missing her swim meet
My youngest daughter.........

ohhh this one's good.......

We missed seeing everyone last year. My step brother and his family, we didn't get to see at all.
My nephew is 16 this year, so 2 years ago when we last saw him he was 14. Boys change alot from 14 to 16. I almost didn't recognize him. And my youngest daughter didn't recognize him at all.

They are 10 years apart but have still had one of those bonds that just draws you together. He is silly and crazy and active and has just always made her laugh. She usually just wants to follow him around, and he has always let her.

When we first got there and I told her to go say hi to him. She would not. He was tall and looked so different and had a really deep voice.
One night as we were all sitting around together after dinner, and she leaned over to me and whispered....
"Where's the real Drew?"

In her mind this boy we kept calling Drew was not him. It was like she thought we had given her an imposter. She wanted her real cousin. The one she remembered.

Everyone thought it was so cute she had said that. We told him about it and I think he made more of an effort to spend time with her after that. And it didn't take long, after she finally gave him a chance, to see her laughing and following him around again.

It got me thinking about my own self. The real me. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror or a picture and I ask that same question. Where is the real me? Or I'll look at my sister or my Dad and feel concern for them, but after spending some one on one time with them, I find them. The real them. That part of ourselves that is the real us. Our hearts, humor, love, connection. It's all right there, no matter what's going on on the outside.

God knows the real me. He knows the real you. And He loves us.

Inspite of all the family drama I did find myself laughing more about it this year. Letting things go that sometimes linger in my mind and end up causing pain.
I'm so thankful for time with my sister and special moments with my family.

Ahhhh Family....

2010-08-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

Off to spend a week with my family.

For those keeping track;

That's my Dad, my Step-Mom, ~~Step-sister~~ Sister and her kids, Step Brother and his ~~girlfriend wife~~ girlfriend and his kids and her kids, and a half Uncle and his wife and their kids.

A week. 7 days.

My Sister and I are the only ones who have given our lives to Jesus.

This week in the past has been hard.
There is just so much baggage and family issues that were never dealt with and they all seem to surface somehow when we're all together.
All my sister and I want to do is be a witness to our family of God's love, and it's hard.

So would you pray for us this week.
Pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus and that we're able to see our family only through the eyes of Jesus and not through our own hurt childish eyes.

Hoping to come back with at least one ~~funny story~~ testimony.........

My middle is turning 10

2010-08-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Joining the 10 on the 10th party.

And it's all about my middle daughter who is turning 10 this month!

1. She has been active since day one. When I was pregnant with her, I swore I was having a big football playing boy. She just never stopped moving and kicking and punching and rolling. But now that I know her, I know she was dancing in there.

2. She loves to dance. She takes ballet classes right now but recently has been asking about other types of dance classes. She is currently working with my friend's daughter, who was on the dance team at her high school, they are making up a dance for her and she wants to enter it into the talent show at the fair later this month.

3. She has struggled with reading and spelling, but she is determined to not give up. In fact one of her favorite things to do is write. She is very imaginative and is always making up and writing stories and songs. There are notebooks all over the house from her.

4. She is athletic and very competetive. Which is amazing when it comes to sports but not so much when we are playing board games at home. But she is learning that sometimes just playing the game and having fun is just as rewarding.

5. She is very laid back and friendly and easy going. She doesn't seem to be bothered by much. She gives in to her some what demanding younger sister alot. It takes alot to ruffle her feathers and make her mad. As I'm typing this, I can't even remember the last time she was mad about something.

6. She can worry though. And be scared. But she is often the first to call on Jesus and just start praising His name when something is wrong.

7. She has big beautiful dark brown eyes. When I look into them it's like looking into to her Dad's eyes.

8.She is ~~overly dramatic~~ a born performer. When the power goes out we often ask her to entertain us. She is funny and silly. I don't always get her humor but she can make me laugh like no other.

9. She's an outdoor girl who hates bugs. When she was a toddler and she couldn't go outside, she would climb up on the back of the chair that was in front of the window and sit and stare out. She taught herself how to ride a bike without training wheels at age 6 and wouldn't come in until she got it. She turns sticks into magic wands, grass into food, and blankets into forts. But if a bug gets too close to her she'll come running into the house in a panic.

10. She loves Jesus. She almost always ends her prayers with ....
" Jesus please come back soon or let me come to you. I just want to see you so bad."

Happy Birthday my sweet middle girl!

A summer update of sorts and memories

2010-08-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

The girls survived their first ever out of country camping trip extravaganza.

They did things like scour the tiny town for a store that had marshmallows only to get back to camp and be too scared to venture off in the dark in search of sticks to use to roast them over the fire.
So they improvised, taking forks and sports tape and extra tent pegs to make their own.

It makes me smile thinking about her someday looking back on that weekend.

memories.

This weekend is my the girls' last swim meet of the summer.
Well, there is one more, but we are choosing to skip it and spend the week with my family back on the coast. My parents and my sister and step-brother's families and maybe even some more extended family I have not seen in a few years, since moving.

Some memories are just more important than others sometimes.

My oldest daughter took the written part of the driving test today. ~~She also took it 3 days ago and didn't pass but we are not mentioning that part.~~ She passed! and is chomping at the bit to take the driving test.
I am not.
I still have memories of her riding in the car next to me ( before the whole stay in the back seat until your age 12 law) using a frisbee to pretend she was driving too.

Some memories make you cry.

Apparently she thinks she can travel the world now

2010-07-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

My kids are all on a summer swim team.
We've been doing this for 6 summers.

Ours is a little different in that we actual belong to a Canadian group, eh.

We are the only American team. It's pretty neat really. Like at all the swim meets they always sing our National Anthem for us.

It's kind of a World Peace thing happening in our small part of the world.
2 Countries. 1 team.

So there is another swim meet this weekend.
It's far away.
No Hotels.

We've never been to this particular meet. It's far away and I usually am starting to get burnt out by this point.

Cue my daughter.
Her and her best friend and their other friend,who happens to be an assistant coach this year, all wanted to go.
Alone.

They came up with a plan.
Camp.
Pack their own food.
Check in with the other swim team parents that would be there.
Call home each day.

Somehow we said yes.
To Canada. 3 teenage girls.
And one is 19. Isn't that the legal drinking age in Canada?

Thinking I might not get much sleep this weekend.

We shared a moment at the airport

2010-07-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

I got to the airport only a half hour early yesterday. I had the 2 little sisters and the best friend in tow.
We were denied access to go right to her arriving gate.
how rude.
So we waited it out along a wall right where she would exit.
The anticipation of seeing my daughter kept getting to me, as in tears, and I finally had to go in the restroom and blow my nose.

As I came back out I noticed another Mom standing by my spot.
She was crying too.

I asked her if she was waiting for someone.
"Yes," she said "My Son." and she cried even more.
I told her I was waiting for my daughter.
Which made me cry. even more.

I asked where he'd been.
She said he and his wife have been in China for the last year.

"I haven't seen them in a year! How long has your daughter been gone?"

"well only 15 days which seemed really long until talking to you..."

We both laughed.

But then she handed me one of her tissues.
And said "When your a Mom, 15 days is a long time too."

Moms. Sharing tissues. It's what we do.

Home

2010-07-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

My daughter is almost home.

Her plane will be here at 1:03pm.

I haven't set eyes on her in 15 days.

When I try and picture her beautiful face in my mind you know what I see?

I see her little. Her little chubby smiley face. Holding her little pudgy arms out to me to hug.

I have a feeling that's not what's going to be walking off that plane though.

Ok, gotta go. It's 6:20 am. Is that a little too early to head to the airport?

Desire and Despair

2010-07-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

This was in my email in-box this morning...........

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Life Without My Closest Friend

"Despair," wrote James Houston, "is the fate of the desiring soul." Or as Scripture says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Prov. 13:12 NLT). How agonizing it can be to awaken desire! Over the past year I have wrestled deeply with what it means to go on. God has come to me again and again, insisting that I not give up the dream. I have ranted and railed, fought him and dismissed him. It feels crazy to desire anymore. What does it mean to live the rest of my life without my closest friend? I think of Lewis and Clark, those inseparable wilderness explorers, how we cannot think of one without the other. Lewis said of his companion, "I could neither hope, wish, nor expect from a union with any man on earth, more perfect support or further aid in the discharge of my mission, than that, which I am confident I shall derive from being associated with yourself." I know I shall never find another like him.

But I am not alone in this. Most of you will by this time have lost a parent, a spouse, even a child. Your hopes for your career have not panned out. Your health has given way. Relationships have turned sour. We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don't know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner. After we've taken a few Arrows, dare we even desire?

Something in me knows that to kill desire is to kill my heart altogether.

(Desire , 22-23)
John and Stasi Eldredge

Desire and despair. I think I knew they usually go to together. But what really got me was this line;

how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner.

How do we live this. It's hard. But the alternative, to live with no desires in your heart, well I would have to agree, it would kill my heart altogether.

And with your best friend by your side, like Lewis and Clark, there is no turning back.
I like that.
Jesus is to me as Lewis is to Clark. You can't think of one without the other.

A review and an idea

2010-07-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

I just read

The Time Traveler's Wife
by
Audrey Niffenegger

I did not see the movie awhile back but I had really wanted to.

I thought the book was...........weird.
I loved the idea; Time travel, a timeless love story........
but it was kinda slow and at times pointless and what really got me was the language and the s. e. x., like it just seemed a little much at times....

So this brings me to my idea.........
I think books should totally have a rating system like movies do.
It could be small little square in the back with a G to an R and tell you why; how much bad language, how detailed s. e. x. scenes were described......etc.

I love to read. I read alot and I can read fast. I love all kinds of books. But I do try to be careful with what I read, just like what I watch. I rarely watch a rated R movie. It has to be something I really want to see, but at least with a movie I can be warned about what I may see and make my decision beforehand.

What do you think? Good idea or totally breaks some kind of free speech writers rule?

POST 100!!!!!

2010-07-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

So, it's my 100th post and I like to keep traditions.
This is still a tradition right?

Here are 100 facts about me.
I like how I started this blog to be about my oldest daughter and now it has quickly become all about me.
I don't think she'll be that surprised when she reads this someday!

Be prepared.

For what? I don't know...boredom, shocking facts, who knows....you let me know, k!

1. I was born in a cabin (not a hospital)
2. My middle name is Friend
3. We then lived in a Teepee (or Tipi) seriously
4. My parents were obviously hippies
5. My Grandma used to come and get me and take me home and give me baths.
6. I went to South America when I was 1, with my hippie parents.
7. I have no idea what we were doing there, and it's not something I can get
     either of them to talk about
8. There is a rumor that I was almost stolen because some people there had
     never seen a white, blonde haired, blue eyed baby
9. My Mom left there soon after that

Wow this sounds pretty exciting so far.........

10. My parents divorced.
11. My Mom became an alcoholic and lost custody of me, I think I was 4
12. My Dad was actually not in much better shape, just hid it better
13. I spent alot of time with my 2 Aunts, secretly wishing one of them would
       adopt me
14. My Dad had lots of girlfriends
15. I wanted every one of them to be my Mom
16. When he finally met the one that would become my Mom, I wanted nothing
       to do with her. I think my little heart was already hardened
17. I saw my Mom on and off during this time and never gave up hope of
      living with her
18. She has chosen a lifestyle to lead that I still cannot really talk about

okay now this is just sounded too sad.......

19. My favorite t.v. shows were Wonder Woman, Bionic Woman, and The
      Muppets
20. I wanted to be a spy when I grew up
21. I lived with Dad, Step-Mom, Step-Sister, Step-Brother
22. I loved my Step-Sister
23. I used to sneak into her room to look at her stuff
24. I used to borrow her clothes without asking
25. I would spy on her and her friends
26. I would spy on her and her boyfriends
27. She really did not love me during this time
28. I made friends easy as a kid
29. But I was really shy
30. I was good at school but hated it
31. My favorite class in high school was English
32. It was the only class I actually tried to do well in
33. I lived with my Mom for part of my Junior year
34. I was not getting along with my Step-mom and Dad
35. My Mom tried to be "the Mom" but she was really more of a friend
36. I needed a MOM
37. That summer I lived with my Grandparents in Bellingham
38. I got a job as lifeguard at the kids pool
39. I spent the whole summer watching Moms with their kids
40. God started doing something in my heart
41. I went back to school my Senior year determined to be different
42. But I didn't know Jesus so I fell right back into my old ways
43. I was voted my Senior class Rebel      seriously
44. And Best Eyes
45. They said I couldn't have 2 in the year book, so they took the Best Eyes
      away
46. I am still a little bitter about that
47. I met my husband that year in Art class
48. He was a Junior
49. We tried dating
50. He got back together with an old girlfriend
51. We spent the next year just being friends
52. I moved out with my best friend right after we graduated
53. I was too scared to go to college
54. I worked full time in the cosmetic department of a drug store
55. I was promoted to Manager soon after
56. My friend moved back home
57. I stopped partying and work became my life
58. That same guy wanted to move in with me
59. I said no
60. Then I said yes
61. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 20
62. We got married and i got pregnant on our Honeymoon
63. I quit work
64. God showed me how to be a Mom
65. I had trouble getting pregnant again
66. I thought my daughter would be the only child I would ever have
67. I chose to Homeschool her so I could spend as much time with her as
      possible
68. After a 2 years of keeping track of the dates and my cycles I finally threw
      the calendar away and stopped
69. I got pregnant the next month
70. I went to the hospital one night with severe cramping and pain
71. The doctor told me I was probably having a miscarriage
72. My Mother-in-law was there and she prayed over me
73. I didn't miscarry
74. I went into labor one night and by the time we got to the hospital, 10
      minutes away, I was ready to have her
75. The E.R. doctor had to deliver her
76. When my 2nd daughter was born she was not breathing and was blue
77. The doctor took her and they spent 3 minutes trying to get her to breath
78. She did
79. This middle daughter of mine still keeps me on my toes!
80. My 3rd pregnancy was a total surprise
81. We moved across our state when I was pregnant
82. We lived in a one room cabin for a year and a half while we built our
      house
83. Then we lived in a tee-pee
84. Just kidding, seeing if you all are still paying attention
85. We really did live in the cabin though
86. It was fun
87. For awhile

okay here we are at pretty much present day...what can I tell you about myself....this is hard..........

88. I am still shy
89. I have lots of freckles
90. My still love my step-sister
91. Only now she does love me back
92. I love to read
93. I love to write, but it's hard
94. I have had dreams that have come true
95. Like real night time, sleeping, and you dream some thing about someone you know and then later it comes true.
96. All my childrens books I have written came to me at night
97. I love Jesus and can look back at my life and see His hand in it even when I didn't know Him
98. I love castles and hope to see some real ones someday
99. I love to clean and would even do that as a job
100. I hope God is not done with me yet, I have so many things deep down in my heart and even though they seem hidden and locked up right now, I pray that someday He will let them loose and use me.

Thanks for reading all this.
Was it boring?
Shocking?
Sound familiar?

Your turn. Tell me 100 things about yourself in the comments!!
No time for 100? Ok how about 1 or 2?
Or what you'd like best from my list?

A Quote

2010-07-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

Just wondered if anyone else needed to hear this amazing quote from Joel Osteen.
He didn't tell it to me in person, I just read it this morning.

The depth of your past is an indication of the height of your future.

I know my past is my past, but somedays it's there all to easy for me to remember.
This quote grabbed me this morning. Reminded me that it was all just a starting point for what God was going to do in my life.
Is still doing in my life.
That He would show me just how far He would take me from the past. How high He will lift me from my sins.
I am keeping my eyes up today.

For more daily encouragement from Joel Osteen go here.

Aloha. That means hello and goodbye.

2010-06-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter is off to Hawaii.
Her Grandparents took her and my sister's daughter.

I just spoke to her as she was about to step onto the plane.
She's never been on an airplane before.
She's never been away from home for 2 weeks before.
She's never experienced so much newness before without me by her side.

If my posts are a little sappy the next 2 weeks you'll know why.

I'll be missing her like crazy.

Aloha.

He used a thunder and lightning storm to remind me

2010-06-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to bed.
All of us.
At about 7pm.
We have been leaving the house at 6 am every morning.
My husband to a job. Yes, Prasie God!
And the rest of us to go swimming.

Yes I said swimmimg, at that ridiculous hour of sunrise.
The girls are all on a summer swimteam and that's just when they practice. We have been doing it for 6 years so it seems so normal to me. But typing it just now reminded me of how crazy it really is.

Anyway.......
We were all in bed, most of us sleeping, when an amazing storm started.
It was amazing because the lightning was so bright and doing crazy things to the sky. And the thunder? It was loud and long.
It woke me up.
Then it woke my middle daughter up.
She was scared so I got up to go lay with her.

I love thunder and lightning storms. Sometimes they still make me a little nervous though.
I once heard someone describe it as God showing us a glimpse of His power.
I love that.
I was trying to soothe my daughter by telling her it was okay and that it was just God's power and to think about how amazingly huge and powerful He is.
I was also trying to get her to go right back to sleep.

But my husband wanted her to come watch the storm with him.

I kept saying NO.
She needed to go to sleep. We have to get up at ~~crack of ridiculous dawn~~ 5:45am. Absolutely not!

Then I heard it.
That small whisper of the Lord's voice.
He was reminding me of the way I want to live.
The way I say I want to live.

Life isn't about schedules, and keeping appointments, and my rule book.

It's about experiences and moments and opportunities.
And they usually happen right when you are trying to keep things running smoothly and on your own time schedule.

So I stopped worrying about tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow never comes.
I let my daughter get up out of bed and go get in bed with her Dad and lay the wrong way in the bed and watch God's amazing power be displayed as if it were just for them.

I stayed in her bed and listened to them talk about the storm and about God and didn't worry one bit about her being tired in the morning. I prayed that God would keep reminding me of how I say I want to live and that I will actually do it.

Hoping you seize the moments today.

Ballet

2010-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

When I was little my Aunt had a ballet studio. everytime I would visit her, I would borrow tights and a leotard and go to class with her.
I wish there was video of me attempting the class, because I'm sure it would be funny.
But I loved it.
I'm not sure if it was because I just loved my Aunt so much or if it was the music. There is just something so beautiful about classical music that just makes you feel like you're dancing so graceful, even though you aren't.

I have had all 3 daughters in ballet as soon as they can point their toes.

Daughter #1 was done with it around 8, no matter how much I begged her to keep trying, it just wasn't for her. So I agreed and we set off in search of the next thing for her.......

Daughter #2 loved it for the first couple years, but she is so active and competitive that ballet is just not really at her speed of things. Every year she says can I be done with ballet? But then she remembers something.

The recital!

Make up and glitter and a stage.
Those 3 things are right up her alley.

Daughter #3 seems like she might be the one to stick with it for a long time.
She is tiny and a perfectionist and has a long neck. ok her feet have a natural turn in, which actually is not all that great for ballet, but I force her to do turn out exercises daily.
not really, just kidding.

The day may come when all my girls stop going to ballet and I'll have to pack up the all the pink tights and leotards. And I'll hang all their tutus in my closet and pray for granddaughters.

But for now I have two beautiful, my idea of perfect, exactly what I always hoped for ballerinas.

I have been MTA

2010-06-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

I was going to say MIA, but I'm not really missing in action, I'm missing the action. As in having no time to read all your blogs!

I have ~~worked~~ sat and cuddled not just 1 beautiful baby boy this past two weeks, but 2!
I am in baby heaven.

But I'm missing all your news and missing writing about things here, but will catch up when I can.

But I had to post at least this lame post because it's getting me closer to my 100th post!
You know, the one where I get to list 100 things about myself!
Aren't you so excited?

ha ha!
We bloggers.......it's really all about talking about ourselves.........right?

2010-06-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

My ~~Step-Mom~~ Mom sent me this in an email this morning and it made me cry.
Maybe because I am so busy right now, which is not really me living in my most comfortable personality. And when I am overly busy I get nervous that I am missing the things that are the most amazing and truly important in my life.

I'm hoping that I am still taking the time to enjoy life and to see life. And that I'll have time to be back here soon and share.

The following article may not even be true. But it could be.

Interesting..........and a truth to ponder.

____________________________________

PERCEPTION

Something To Think About...

THE SITUATION

In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

At 6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

At 10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.

At 45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made...

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Love & War. What I really learned.

2010-06-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping this book did change my life. I know it did right this minute, but I'm hoping I still hold some of these lessons close, years from now.

Because the main thing I learned is that marriage is hard.
ok, I already knew that.

But even though I already knew that, it's like I've been waiting for it to get not hard.
It's just going to be hard. To the end.
I just need to learn how to deal with the harder times in a way that brings us through them, so that the better times are so wonderful they make you remember why your fighting for this marriage.

Their top 3 things that would most help a marriage.

1. Find life in God.
2. Deal with your brokenness.
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

I feel good about #1. I have found my life in God and Him alone. I thought maybe that was enough. And it is really, but marriage is such a unique amazing thing that there is just more to it.

I felt like I had dealt with my brokenness. Forgiving others, myself, moved on from it....But I never really put how my brokenness has made me deal with things. Things like fear, doubt, self reliance.....The way I deal with alot of things in my marriage are direct results from my brokenness and God wants me to change and deal with them the way He wants and knows is best.
This hurts and is hard. But the fact that He has opened my eyes to it, tells me I can do it.

I have always known that the enemy has wanted to attack my marriage. It's funny though before I read this book I thought the title, Love & War, was about a marrige that had love in it and war in it. The war they're talking about is the enemy.
He is waging a war against us. Constantly.
We forgot this a little bit. More often than not we have been fighting eachother instead of the enemy.

Satan hates marriage.
His first attack, was to destroy Adam and Eve's marriage.
That gave me chills when I read that. When I realized it was all to destroy the marriage.

Praying together.

When your upset with your husband praying with him is the last thing you want to do with him.

Praying together is an intimate encounter; it will cultivate intimacy and companionship in your marriage--we are in this together. It's like sex.
pg. 128

Wow, I never thought about how intimate praying together really is with your spouse. But it's so true. I know that when we have taken the moment to hold hands and bow are heads together and agree to pray and ask God what to do, it draws us so close. I always want to hug him or crawl in his lap and cling to him so that I don't lose this moment we're having.

I can see this is an area we need to work on. Making a conscience effort to bring everything to God right now. We are easily worked up when we are just trying to discuss the simplest of things, which is exactly satan's plan, so I'm hoping to realize this quicker and just stop and pray together. About everything.

Love & War
by
John and Stasi Eldredge

It's a must read. For a troubled marriage and even the not so troubled. It will cheer you on as you walk through your marriage and encourage you that the marriage you always dreamed of is completely reachable, and we can put Satan in his place while we do it.

Changes

2010-06-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

I have been busy this past week.

My husband has not.

I'm not sure where God's going with us right now, but as always I am trying to just trust Him.

I have been praying for work for my husband for the last year and now it is I that is getting offers for work.

This isn't what I had planned.
I want to be able to stay home and homeschool my 2 younger daughters.

Doesn't it seem a little cruel for me to be getting job offers right now when it's my husband who needs the work?
Does God really want me to put my daughters in public school?
Does He really want me to work more outside the home?
Am I being punished for being in such debt in the first place?
Why can't God just answer my prayers the way I pray them?

I know why He can't.
Because I am such a royal mess and I am not in control.
He is.
So I'm yet again trusting the plans He has for us. Faith is trusting when you don't see the answer ahead. I know this. I love having faith to rely on, not myself. It reminds me to stop trying to figure it all out and just enjoy the ride.

There seems to be some changes brewing in the air and I have no idea what I will do about some things.
But this I do know.
I love my Savior Jesus Christ and He loves me. When we first met our relationship was all about changes. Changes in me.
So yet again I will trust what it is He has in store for us.

17 years. To the day.

2010-05-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

I am spending my Anniversary reading.
A book I was given for free. About Marriage.
The title is Love and War. I was sold on the title alone. That would seem to be a pretty acurate description of my marriage. Love and yet, such War.

I am only 50 pages in and already I can tell this might change my life a little. Maybe a lot.

The main theme so far is;
It can be done.
And it is so worth it.
pg. 7

Honestly I have had a hard time believing that lately.
If I, a relatively patient, kind hearted, giving person can't make my marriage work how can anyone else.

I remember the sun filtering through the windows: a beam of light falling across the table between us. But it felt like a wall of glass. I was on my side, he was way over there. It was only a foot or so, but he felt miles away to me.
pg. 9

I was utterly lonely - and to be lonely in your marriage is the loneliest feeling on earth.
pg. 10

Sadly yes, these are my feelings too. It's hard to admit. I like putting on a front and a painting a picture of having it all together. I can't stand for people to feel sorry for me. But years of not dealing with issues, which is exactly how I deal with issues, has left me feeling more alone and lost than ever.

I wondered if he even saw me. Something was broken. I needed comfort and relief and I turned to the Drive-thru to find it. Packing on the weight sent a message to him that was clear and strong. I am leaving you. You are not worth being beautiful for.

Okay ouch. Just ouch.

Marriage is hard, sometimes painfully hard. Your first Great battle is not to lose heart.
pg. 21

I am not much of a fighter. But I am beginning to see that walking with the Lord requires much battleing. And honestly I don't want to. But that's not reality. Just like any great accomplishment it requires a certain amount of fight to reap the rewards.

But here is where this book starts to really grab me.

I'll wager that 90% of the confusion, misunderstanding, struggle, and disappointment in marriage is due to the fact that we don't understand what God is up to.
pg. 31

Marriage is a rushing stream God uses to shape us into more loving people.
pg 43

He (God) lures us into marriage (with a complete opposite) and then uses it to transform us.
pg 48

I am seeing that this whole time I thought my job was to change and help and save him (my husband) but maybe it's been the complete opposite. This whole struggle we've been having is to change, help, and save myself.

Could God actually have given me this specific husband who has had some major issues and struggles so that I might be transformed. Learn to battle instead of hide. Learn to believe in myself instead of always doubting.

I feel like a light bulb is starting to go off. A light that the world would not recognize. If most knew the real issues in our marriage I am almost sure they would all say to leave him. But I just know God has to have a much better ending than that in store.

I hope to spend the rest of this weekend reading this book and hopefully will have much more to ~~say about it~~ learn.

The gift of song

2010-05-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

I won a CD from Life at 7000 feet!
Thank you Meredith, this ones for you.

My girls and I were in the car listening to music (as usual) the other day when a certain song came on.

As we were singing and listening to the lyrics I was thinking to myself (as usual) how I wanted to write the chorus down and paint them on a canvas or something and that it would make a beautiful gift for my daughters.

All of a sudden my oldest daughter says "I love this part, I so want to write this down and hang it in my room or something!"

I looked at her and just started crying (as usual) and told her I had just been thinking that same thing.

We shared a nice little moment over a song that held so much meaning in those few lyrics.

But you know what's even more amazing?

The CD I won this week, had that song on it!
When we listened to it today and heard that song we both just looked at eachother and were so excited.

Here's the part I / we wanted to write down

Be strong in the Lord
and never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
so don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
and thank God for each day
His love will find a way

The words I would say
           by Sidewalk Prophets

I also have to tell you about one other song on the CD that just touched me so deeply today. I had never heard it before and when I did, I lost it. (as usual)

Sometimes, well most of the time, I can't really grasp just how much it is that Jesus loves me. Like, really loves me.
This song makes you think about that.
Not only His love for me, but who it is He is loving. I am flawed, a failure, scared and just so not worth it. But He doesn't see any of that.

Here's the part of the song that made my heart ache and long to grasp His love for me.

I am the thorn in Your crown
     but You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
     but You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
    but You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
    but You love me anyway

You love me anyway
       by Sidewalk Prophets

If your struggling at all with grasping His love for you. Find this song. Listen to it and let Him speak to you. Let Him love you like no other.

Thanks again Mer!

A sweet sixteen like no other

2010-05-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

My oldest daughter has a best friend that changed our lives.

It's just what she does.

When they first met at the age of 10, we had just moved here.
My daughter had no friends here, we had just left all our extended family and friends, and she was trying out for the local swim team all by herself.

She really needed a friend.

She made 2 besties that year but this one stuck like no other.

Not only is this my daughter's best friend, but their whole family has become like family to us. Their Mom and I are the best of friends and this is the baby
~~I begged them to let me watch~~ I babysit for during the week.

They are an amazing family that includes 2 adopted girls, currently a foster baby, and a Mom who teaches special education pre-school.

My daughter's best friend was turning 16 this last month and like most teenage girls wanted to do something extra special to celebrate.

Something special for others.

She decided that she didn't want any presents or parties or big trips planned for herself.
So, she asked her Mom if she could take 16 foster kids from our area and give them a day to remember.

I remember the phone call exactly.
My friend calling me, asking me for prayers to be able to pull this off.
It's not easy getting permission to take foster children places, and would they be able to find 16, and where would they take them, and is this all her daughter really wants.......

So, we prayed.
A few weeks later they received a phone call. Someone had tickets to the Circus coming to town, the same week as the birthday.
A plan was made and 2 weeks later 16 foster kids ages 4 to 11 were available.

Matching shirts were printed, goodie bags were bought and put together, a meeting before hand was thrown together to be able to meet all the kids.

At the end of that first meeting, a little girl came up to her and asked
"Why do you want to take me somewhere on your Birthday?"

She replied "It makes me happy to see you happy!"

I wish I could post a picture of the birthday girl and the kids at the circus. Her face is beaming with happiness.
The whole day at the circus adults kept coming up to her and her Mom and asking what was going on with this group, and after telling them about this 16 year old girl and her one birthday wish, most were left speechless! Some even cried.

She makes me think about my own happiness and about my own wishes.....

And her simple statement of
"It makes me happy to see you happy."

I couldn't agree more.

Anniversary 10

2010-05-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

This month is my 17 year wedding anniversary. I thought I should do something in honor of that.

10 things about the our wedding day.

1. we didn't have a family church at the time of our wedding so I just picked a church near our home town that was beautiful on the outside and the sanctuary was big and beautiful too. When I told my future Mother in law about the church she started laughing and crying and said that was the church they had gotten married at 20 years earlier.

2. The Pastor of the church had gotten sick and was going to be out for a few months and in his place was a lady pastor. My future husband thought that was weird to be married by a lady.
Is that weird?

3. The morning of our wedding I had my hair done at a salon. I hated it. When I got to the church I had to re-curl it and fix the clip.

4. I wore bright pink lipstick. I still have that tube of lipstick, I only wore it that day and I can't seem to throw it away.

5. The dress shop forgot to put the hoop-like slip I was borrowing in with my dress and I panicked for about 30 minutes until I put the dress on and found out I liked the way it fit better without it.

6. My best friend was my Maid of Honor and my sister was my other Bridesmaid. They wore bright pink dresses, pink shoes, and pink gloves.
I really wanted to wear a pink dress myself but no one would let me. I did however wear something else pink that no one saw!

7. My future little sister in law sang before the wedding. She sang, Saved the best for last by Vanessa Williams. This song still makes me cry.

8. After our "kiss" I turned to go back down the aisle even though the wedding wasn't over and had to turn back around, the whole church laughed.

9. After the ceremony the Limo driver was threatening to leave because we were taking too long with pictures, we ran out of food at the reception, My husbands great Aunt fell and broke her wrist and the ambulance had to come and take her away, someone had grabbed my 5 year old nieces 'Blankie' to use for the fallen Auntie and there was a brief panic when we found out it went to the hospital with her, Our car's sunroof was open and birdseed was dumped in the car, a few of my husband's friends got overly drunk on champagne and started causing a scene, we couldn't find the expensive cake knife and server I had bought so we had to use this ugly brown rusty knife to cut our cake.

10. I still remember looking across the room after only being at the reception for about 2 hours and locking eyes with my new husband and it being like we could read eachothers minds. We were both ready to get out of there and be alone. And we did.

Things may not have been perfect and looking back there are so many things I would have planned and done differently, but it is still one of the happiest days I have ever had. Those details that don't go perfect don't really matter, it's your wedding day! That fact alone is enough to make it the best day ever.

Mothers Day (part two)

2010-05-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a big smile.

I love Mothers day.

Because of 3 sweet girls.

I couldn't have chosen them any better if I'd have been given that chance. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me them.

They challenge me.
Bless me.
strengthen me.
encourage me.
remind me.
forgive me.

And right at this moment, they bake cinnamon rolls for me.

God took a day that held so much pain and turned it into a day with so much promise of His perfection.

I love how He does that!

Mothers Day (part one)

2010-05-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Holidays are weird for me. Even small ones like Mothers day, well maybe especially Mothers day.
I know I am a grown woman and a mother myself, but some feelings from childhood stay with you no matter how old you get.

I didn't have a normal Mom experience growing up.

I was raised by my Dad with only brief, skattered visits on and off with my Mom most of my childhood.
She was a great mom to me when I was a baby, gave me lots of love and cuddles and breastfed me for a long time.
But the trials of life were hard for her. Sometime between me being 2 and 4, alcohol became her life. At around 4 she lost custody of me to my Dad and instead of that being the wakeup call she needed, it only drove her deeper into the arms of Satan.
Those next few years were painful I'm sure, for both her and I.
I really don't have any memory of that time.

She would eventually stop drinking and I became part of her life again, but it was never really a Mother and daughter relationship.
She was someone I desperately loved and yet always felt so sorry for.
She was never really there for me as a teenager offering sound advice or a guiding hand, yet she was there.

The thing that makes me so sad today is that she can not forgive herself. It's all over her. She has tried to live a peaceful life and to be there a little more for her granddaughters than she was for me, but I feel it everytine I'm with her.
Her regrets and her shame and her loss. Our loss.

I have shared Jesus with her tons over the years and she has gone from not wanting to hear anything I had to say to listening with her whole heart and wanting to believe what it is that I'm saying.
I know only Jesus can comfort her broken heart and heal it. My prayer for her is always the same, that she would come to Him and be able to look into His eyes and hear Him say "You are forgiven" and that she would believe it.

Happy Mothers day to the first Mom God gave me. I was knitted together in your womb. Your womb. May you never forget that. I know that Satan messed up our past but I hold tight to the promise of a better future for us, God is not done with this relationship yet. May you never forget that.

Track

2010-04-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

Remember when track first started and my daughter called home crying, a few times, and begged me to let her quit?

And I had to be that mean Mom and say No!

Sometimes being that mean Mom pays off.

Yesterday was a track meet and I got a call from a very happy girl who just wanted to call me and tell me how she got another personal best time in the 100 yard race.
She was so happy and most importantly she was so proud of herself.

Of course her sister (the middle girl) kept trying to yell into the phone "Did you get first place? "
Because she's all about being first.

And no, she didn't get first, she most likely got last. But sometimes the race you have with yourself; your self doubting, scared, life's too hard self.....
means more than beating an actual other person.

I say it again, I am learning alot from this girl.

Counting

2010-04-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm still tired and overwhelmed.

Just being honest.

I want to be able to say that yesterday after I put worship music on, told Satan to get behind me, and read just what I needed to from His word that everything got right in my world.
But it didn't.

And that's ok.
I know that becoming a Christian hasn't meant my troubles have gone away. Quite the opposite really.
But those troubles, well, they just make me long for Heaven even more.

I am not usualy a downer type of person. My faith has gotten me through some tough things. So I started thinking about my faith yesterday and was reminded of exactly what faith is.
It is believing something that you don't see.
You can't possibly see the answer. Can't see it. Nowhere. Impossible. Not gonna happen.
I have a few things in my life right now that I see no way out of. Impossible outcomes.
And cue...faith.
I have to live my life like a crazy person. Live like I want things to be not how they are. Not denial, but delusional....maybe. That's what the world would say if they could get into my mind and see how I'm picturing things as they are.

I just forgot yesterday. Or maybe it is a little tiring when you're trying to figure it out all by yourself. It took most of yesterday before I would let Jesus talk to me. And He knew it and He just patiently waited. Finally I heard Him say count. Count your blessings, name them one by one. And if your problem list out weighs your blessing list, well then come talk to me.

So I started counting and I named them one by one. Every little thing that has made me smile since giving my life to Him.
And I'm sure you can guess that there wasn't enough paper or time in the day to write them all down.

And alot of those blessings are things I could never have imagined happening or seen coming.

I am still tired and overwhelmed. But that just means my measure of faith must be big.

And if I am ever shopping with you someday and I'm trying on size 6 clothes, just know I'm living life by faith not by sight!

Tired

2010-04-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling overly tired today.

Not lack of sleep tired, but tired of things.

I'm tired of being on a constant budget for food and gas only to find I never stay on budget.

I'm tired of everytime I think we are getting caught up, there is an unexpected expense that just puts us further and further behind.

I'm tired of sending resume after resume for my husband and not hearing a single word.

I'm tired of my husband's lack of desire to go to church, to just seek.....to live for Him......

I'm tired of my oldest daughter's schedule. She's just go go go......

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I can't take her somewhere or get her something she needs.

I'm tired of staring at my calendar making sure I don't miss a scheduled payment or a scheduled date.

I'm tired of caring more about what the world thinks of me than what Jesus thinks of me.

I'm sorry. It's just been one of those mornings. I thought maybe if I wrote it all down and told myself I was going to publish it, that it would make me realize how faithless I am being. That it's just all silly stuff and I'd realize how blessed I am.
I do feel blessed.
I do have faith that someday none of this will matter and that Jesus is in control.

But right now it does still stink. I am still tired. And scared and confused.
How can I be of any use to the Kingdom of Heaven if I feel so tired and burdened? I can't seem to see through the fog that this is all for His glory. I can't seem to say "Praise the Lord...we're out of toilet paper...."

I'm going to go read some things now. Things about missionaries, child pornography, Compassion, misscarriages, cancer.........
And cry my eyes out and tell Jesus I'm sorry.
And hopefully be back tomorrow seeing my life through His eyes.

Sorry if things are spelled wrong. I'm also too tired to spell check.

How I met my house

2010-04-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am joining
OUR SUBURBAN COTTAGE
today in what seems like a fun party!
How I met my house.
Go check out the other house 'Love stories'

We have lived here for 6 plus years. I was pregnant with our youngest daughter when we moved.
I do not recommend moving while you are pregnant if you can avoid it.

We lived on the other side of Washington State our whole lives and never thought about moving anywhere else until my husband started taking hunting trips to the Eastern side of the state.
He would come home and talk about how neat it was over there and how cheap the property was, compared to the prices of property where we lived.

So we started praying.

There were some problems with the property we had at the time and the county was going to charge us tons of money to fix it, and we realized all the money would be gone that we were planning on using to build our home.
During this time we got a letter in the mail from a realtor asking us if we would be willing to sell our place, as she had clients who wanted it.

That was crazy weird.

So we went over to look at property, well I went once because I was pregnant and tromping around land was not that fun.
On one trip over to see property, my husband met the realtor at his house and they set off to drive around all day to look at pieces of land that we had requested. On the way the realtor asked if he would mind stopping at another peice of property he had for sale as he was supposed to meet some other clients there to sign papers, as they were buying it.
When they got there, my husband really liked the property, but it was already sold.
2 weeks later, and back home, my husband was on the phone with the realtor and they started talking about that property. Turns out the other couple had to back out for some reason, and the property was for sale again.
My husband made an offer right then and there and then came to tell me about it.
I was a little freaked out, but I knew that God had planned the whole thing, so I just smiled and said....what do we do next?

There's a whole crazy story filling in the following year, living with my in-laws, having our 3rd daughter, moving across the state, living together in a 1 room cabin...........but we made it.

We picked our house plans out of a cabin book, mostly because we were looking for something unique and affordable. My husband built the whole thing by himself, with exception to the metal roof and the electrical and plumbing. He made us so proud!

Here is our house from 2 winters ago. I could not find a current one without snow. But i love this picture.

And here is our view, this looks to be around spring time.

Go over and enjoy some more house stories!

I hate Bad Mom days

2010-04-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Ballet, which my two younger girls do, and I forgot my middle girl's inhaler. She was diagnosed with sports induced asthma last summer.

Which just makes me so upset becasue she is my athlete.

I also forgot her ace bandage that the doctor told me to wrap her foot with during ballet, she hurt her foot awhile back and it's just not healing right.

So half way through ballet she came looking for me, I was over at the library(It's right next door to the dance studio) sitting reading a People magazine. She came running/hopping in, loudly banging the library door as she yelled for me. I think every person (other Moms) in there heard her say,

"Mom do you have my inhaler... I can't breath!"
(Don't worry, she can breath, she doesn't have asthma that bad but she was weezing a bit)
"And my foot hurts do you have my wrap? "

Ummmm No. And No.

" Well that's just great." As she marched/limped back to ballet.

Yep, just another one of those bad Mom days.

Death by chocolate

2010-04-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

We have been talking about death.
It just seems to keep coming up.

First, our Mama cat has been missing for a week. When you live in the woods this is not a good sign. I finally had to tell the girls that she probably didn't make it.

Tears.

I tried to get them to picture her in Heaven sitting on Jesus' lap, and can't they just see the hint of a smile on her little whiskered face....
We then spent the next few nights talking about Heaven and dieing.
I don't want my girls to be afraid of dieing. We read in the Bible some scriptures about dieing.
To die is gain.........
Don't fear the first death, but fear instead the second.........
When Jesus says on the cross, today you will be with me Paradise...........

I think they felt a little better. They soon had a whole party going on up there with all our passed on pets.

Now my husband.
Lets just say he has been going through something.
About a week ago he woke up and felt extremely dizzy, weak and had a huge pain in a certain part of his head.
He thought maybe he was dieing.
He was in a car accident several years ago and hit his head, exactly where his head was hurting now.
I wasn't concerned.
he didn't really understand why I wasn't more concerned.
I tried to tell him how I knew God would tell me if something were really wrong. And honestly I knew he wasn't dieing. I just knew. Did I know what was going on though? No. Was God doing something? Maybe. Was it the flu? Maybe. Was it an attack from the enemy? Maybe. Was it a panic attack or migraine? Maybe.
All I know is that it was enough to scare him and make him realize that he was scared to die. And if he was scared to die than he realized he wasn't exactly right with God.
Because to die is gain............
There is no fear of the first death, but we need to fear the second death.........
What is scarey about being in Paradise.........

He's feeling fine now and we aren't really sure how to explain what happened to him. But he does have a new realization about his relationship with Jesus. I'm just praying It's a start to something bigger.

My daughter had a homework assignment this weekend.
To write her own obituary.
I said, "Oh how fun!" Because I think all her writing assignments are fun.
She was not that thrilled. "It's gross, who wants to think about themselves dieing?"
I was then like OK God what's with the theme this week?

So I tried to explain to her that it's not just about you dieing, it's about your life and how you want people to remember you and what you hope they will say about you.
I asked her how old does she hope lives to?

She said 100.

Ok and how do you want to go, something peaceful like in your sleep?

She said yeah and maybe eating chocolate!

I'm a little bit country

2010-04-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

I was watching the CMA's last night with my oldest daughter.
She loves country music and has totally turned me, and now her Dad, onto it.

Can I just say Carrie Underwood's song....'Temporary home', made me cry. From her dress, to her own tears, the flower petals falling to the ground, and the words of that song. It was just a beautiful moment. And then at the end she quietly mouths Thank you Jesus. I just lost it.
Then she accepts her award and who does she thank? Not just Jesus, but her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
To have the privilege of being able to thank Jesus in front of that many people/peers and call Him your Lord and Savior, what a moment.
I can only hope I would be so brave.

I just thought she deserved a shout out this morning. It was really beautiful.

Again about the turkey

2010-04-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

My husband did get his turkey yesterday.

I was going to post a picture, but I didn't want to upset anyone by showing a dead bird on this blog.

The pictures are pretty funny though. The ones with our 2 youngest daughters posing in them. First of all it's 6:00 in the morning and their bed head is at it's finest. My middle daughter is in her P.J.'s, ski coat, blue socks, and silver dress shoes. But the smile on her face and the thumbs up she is giving the camera is priceless!
My youngest daughter who isn't quite as smiley, because she was still sleeping and almost missed the whole thing, and her sister already took pictures without her.....It must be hard being the youngest sometimes. But she does have her arm around her Dad and is leaning her sweet little bed head on his big shoulder, as if to say, Dad I'm so proud of you!

We are girlie girls. We don't hunt, none of us have ever shot a gun. My middle daughter sometimes acts like she might want to, but then says no. We do however, support our man. Because he loves it. The whole reason we live where we do is because of hunting trips he used to take here, and he would come home and talk about how beautiful it was, and how much wildlife there was here. Yesterday he hunted in our own backyard.

There are alot of wild turkeys here. You are allowed 2 turkeys in the spring and then sometimes, when there is an abundance of them, they allow you 1 more in the fall. We don't eat them like you eat a traditional turkey from the store. We only eat the breast meat, which my husband usually smokes in the smoker and we eat it on sandwiches. I don't really like it that much, it can be tough and it does taste a little different than my deli turkey, but again I'm all about supporting my man.
Karen reminded me, so well yesterday, how God just put those differences in men. To hunt and gather and provide for their family. I know not all men hunt, but it's still there by the way they naturally work and provide for their families. I love seeing that, how God made us, men and women, so different. It's ok that I don't really get what he finds so exciting about hunting and why the length of the turkeys beard (yes, they have these weird beards)is so important. And It's ok that he doesn't get why I need 3 different brooms and 10 pillows on the bed.

It was so nice to see my husband excited about something. It's been a tough year for him. God put that desire in him to be the provider for his family, and not being able to do that in the way he is used to, has changed him a little.
I have seen God moving in his life though, and I can only hope and pray that even this tough part of his life is all part of God's perfect plan for him.

Turkey Lurkey

2010-04-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today is the opening day of Turkey hunting in our neck of the woods.

My husband was up at 4:30 this morning and even made his own coffee. He then went to sit outside in the woods and wait.

Turkeys can fly. Did you know that?

They roost (I almost typed roast, ha ha!) up in trees at night and then sail down through the air in the morning.

That's what he's waiting for.

He's got some wings he made so he can imitate the sound of a flying turkey, in hopes that it will attract another one, he's got some little wood thing that looks like a toy, and it makes this loud screechy noise that apparently is supposed to sound like a female turkey.

Why am I telling you all this?

I have no idea.

I guess it's just what's going on around here today.

Happy Turkey day.

2010-04-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

I received my first blogger award!

Thank you Mrs. Claus at Like Christmas every single day

Don't you love the name of her blog! And she has candy names for her kids, I just love that!

Acknowledging this award seems kind of silly, but honestly it's like a great big hug of encouragement, and I'll take that any day.

My only requirement is that now I have to share 10 honest things about myself.

Here ya go.

1. I still lay with my 6 year old daughter at night until she falls asleep. I know she should be able to fall asleep by herself and it's good for her and all that, but I can't help it. She is just so darn cuddly and still has that lingering baby smell.

2. I sometimes sneak into my daughter's room and 'borrow' some of her fancy hair products, because I'm too cheap to buy some for myself.

3. I sometimes have to bleach the hair on a certain part of my face.

4. I have a scar on my throat from a surgery I had when I was just a baby.

5. I sometimes dream about being a missionary.

6. I get embarrassed easily and my face turns red at the weirdest times.

7. I homeschool my 2 youngest daughters and somedays I absolutely hate it.

8. I have written 5 childrens' books, they are currently tucked away in a filing cabinet.

9. I struggle with my weight. But am currently working on it.

10. I secretly wish I had another baby. A little boy.

Now the fun part is, I get to give this award (hug) to 10 11 other bloggers.

1. Inside Out (this is my sister and her heart is amazing)

2. Carpool Queen ( makes me laugh everyday)

3. Jewels in my crown.... someday ( is sassy and fun)

4. La Vida Dulce ( cute, crafty, and loves coffee )

5. Life at 7000 feet ( likes to clean like me )

6. Marla Taviano ( love her books and her heart )

7. Momma's Soapbox ( love her 'Rugrats' story )

8. Such the Spot( Cutest Mom ever, and lover of Disney )

9. There's no place like Home ( has a PINK fireplace mantel )

10. Dirty Shame ( wish he was my Pastor)

11. Surviving Motherhood (her love for Moms and Jesus)

OK, now go give these people some love and I hope they play along with this award because ~~I really want to know 10 honest things about them~~ they so deserve an award!

The last quarter

2010-04-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

This is the first day of the last quarter of my daughter's Sophomore year.
This made me cry this morning.

I can be a little overly dramatic sometimes.

But sometimes I can't help but think about things from a....this will never be happening again....standpoint.

This day will never happen again.

It's an ordinary day really, but filled with so much meaning.
I want to be a part of every moment of her life.
The extraordinaire and the ordinary.

I want to teach her to take the time and be thankful for moments of the everyday and make them into something special.

As I tried to hide my tears from her, because I knew how ridiculous they were, she hugged me and said "It'll be okay Mom. We'll get through this."

I know she was mocking me, but she sure has some wisdom.

What everyday event can you turn into something special today?

The 10th?

2010-04-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

How is it possibly the 10th of April already?

10 things I wonder about.

1. What do the letters W I F I stand for in Free Wi Fi?

2. Why did the loaf of bread I always buy get smaller and the price go up?

3. Why is Diesel fuel more expensive than regular fuel, when it used to always be cheaper?

4. Why do you have to dissect a frog in order to graduate from high school?

5. Why was I not paying better attention when we I named our youngest daughter? Her initials are I.R.S.

6. Why am I rooting for the villians on Survivor?

7. How come I don't like texting?

8. How come I thought plucking out the gray hairs on top of my head was a good idea? Because now instead of a few long gray hairs neatly hidden amongst my other hairs I have these tiny, curly, standing straight up, gray hairs on top of my head.

9. If I use sunless tanner and age spot remover cream on my face at the same time what do you think will happen?

10. Ok, your turn. What makes you go hmmm...............

Please feel free to answer any of these for me!

My girls

2010-04-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have 3 daughters.

They remind me daily that life is such a gift.

I saw Jesus at the Easter egg hunt

2010-04-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday our small town had their annual Easter egg hunt in the city park.

I haven't always been a huge fan of these types of events, but it was free and our friends were going so I thought it might be fun. Plus it was free eggs and candy for the kids. It was also free.
sorry I'm just on such a budget these days that the word free makes me very happy.

They had the park sectioned off by age groups.
My youngest was in the 4 to 6 year old area and I had to stay with her because there was someone dressed up as the Easter bunny, and she was having a complete panic attack whenever he came to close to her.

Here's where I first saw Jesus.
We were standing around waiting for the whistle to go off when I hear my oldest daughter say "Mom, what is Dad doing here?"
I turned to look across the park where she was pointing and I see him, in all his camo glory, walking across the park waving to us.
I wanted to cry. Happy tears.
You see my husband just doesn't do these types of things with us. I'm not really sure why. Years ago he would have, but somewhere along something in him changed. He just usually lets me do all the busy activities with the girls. So seeing him there I knew he came just for the girls, and that made my heart so happy.
I saw Jesus in my husband that day.

So, off my husband went to be with my middle daughter who was across the park in the 7 to 10 year old section. I was a little worried about her because it semed to be the largest group. Lots of 10 year old boys who looked like they were getting ready to go to battle.
This is why I usually don't like these types of things.
She did have her friend who was actually one of those 10 year old boys, but I thought maybe he would look out for her.

The whistle blew, and off they went. The 4 to 6 year olds were hillarious! Some knew just what to do, some ran straight across the park thinking this was some kind of race, a couple started crying while their parent kept yelling at them to just pick up an egg. It was comical that's for sure, and it was over in like 60 seconds.

Here's where I saw Jesus again.
As we walked to meet my husband and my middle daughter, someone told me that her friend (the 10 year old boy) was crying. Apparently he had gotten pushed and his bag fell, spilling all his eggs. The 2 boys that had pushed him then grabbed all his eggs. When I met my daughter I told her what happened and asked her if she could share a couple of her eggs with him. She got this look on her face, like she was thinking about it. Then she looked at me and asked, "Mom can I just give him my whole bag?"
I couldn't believe it. I said "It's your bag, you may do whatever you want to do."
I was trying to keep it together and act like this was just an everyday act, but I knew it was so much more. I was seeing Jesus in my daughter.

The look on his face when she went over and gave him her bag was amazing. And his Mom, my very best friend, had a complete meltdown. She of course made the scene that my daughter so deserved, and made sure everyone around us knew what she did. I knew it would have been ok too if she had done it quietly and hadn't been recognized for her action, because that just would have been a treasure she stored in Heaven. But it was amazing to see her loved on like that.

My husband and my middle daughter showed me Jesus this weekend. They reminded me that it sometimes is just the small selfless acts of life that can be the biggest picture of Jesus to people.

And my youngest had known exactly what to do when that whistle had blown, so we still went home with plenty of free eggs!

Not too busy

2010-04-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

We have been busy this week.
It's been spring break.
I almost capitalized spring, then I heard June screaming at me.

We've played at friends' houses, shopped, went to the movies, went to an indoor waterslide park, laughed, ate, came home late, and on and on and on.......

But it seems in all the fun we're having, every so often I would hear a small whisper.
It was Him.
He wasn't upset that I was doing so much or having so much fun that had nothing to do with what He went through this week so many years ago.
No, He was laughing with me and just reminding me that it was why He did it all. So that I could have life. I was having fun but I know that it's the kind of fun that only lasts for a moment. The joy that comes from Him lasts forever.

I wasn't too busy to have my moments with Him.

I wasn't too busy to hug my daughters and look into their eyes and see Jesus there.
I wasn't too busy to thank my friends for being there and feel Jesus in their hug.
I wasn't to busy to put a band aid on a scraped knee and think about His blood.
I wasn't too busy to share a meal with our friends and think about His last meal.
I wasn't too busy to comfort my crying child and feel Mary's pain as she watched her son die.

Thank you Jesus for being in my busy week and not letting me forget.

A Palm Poem

2010-03-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

On a tiny donkey he came
The man with many a name

The whole town began to stir
for reasons, some unsure

His presence made them rejoice
They raised their hands and their voice

Cloaks were thrown down upon that road
and Palm branches were grabbed many to hold

The crowd sang praise to the King who comes in the name of the Lord
Others cried out No, and in their hearts hatred they did hoard

On top of His donkey He wept for them all
their eyes not open to see ahead their own fall

I picture myself on the side of that road
I see my burdens upon Him, such a heavy load

I'll pick up my palm and wave it high for Him to see
His head will turn and look directly into me

As my head falls down in shame I can't hide
My chin He will lift so I don't miss His donkey ride

he heads into town as we wave the palm branches we hold
The end to the beginning is about to unfold

2010-03-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I prayed about our hot water tank repair. I asked God to please make it a "free repair day" (that basically it wouldn't cost too much money.)

The repair man was scheduled to come Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning the phone rang and it was a message confirming our appointment for Thursday.

Not good.

So I prayed again.

My husband got up and I told him that the repair man was not coming today. I expected him to maybe freak out a bit, but he didn't.

He said "well maybe I should just look at it again and see if I can fix it."

He had said this the first day it stopped working, but after I couldn't find the manual and him almost getting shocked he gave up.

We went downstairs together and I moved some things I had ~~stuffed behind it~~ stored nicely next to it. And what did I find? The manual!

Once he had that he could easily see that the thermostat was most likely the problem, except there were 2 and he wasn't sure which one was causing the problem.

Meanwhile the phone rings and it is the repair place calling to ask if they made a mistake with our service date?
"Why yes you did, but that's okay we're going to try and fix it." I tell them, as my husband's asking me for the phone.

My husband asks them if they will answer one quick question about the tank. The lady on the phone says they're not suppose to but go ahead and she'll see if she can help.
She knew his answer right away.

After 2 minutes with the screwdriver and a quick trip to the hardware store, it is repaired. All for a whopping $13.99!

What did I learn?

What I always learn.

That God answers my prayers.
Never like I ask or think they should be answered.
He cares about us and uses us in the answered prayer.
He turns mistakes into good for His glory.

So, pray about the big things in your life, but also about the little things! Because He can be glorified in the everydayness of our lives.

And be thankful for your HOT shower!

Prayer for the repair man

2010-03-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow the repair man is coming to look at the hot water tank.

Of course the warranty expired. Just last year.

Perfect.

So I have a special prayer request.
That he will come here and say "It's free repair day!"

Or something like that.

2010-03-22T07:25:00.000-07:00

"I hate Mondays!"
Garfield

On normal school day mornings, my oldest daughter gets herself up around 5:15 and starts getting ready for school. I get up at 6:00 and help get her lunch together and then take her to the bus stop.
This morning I got up and noticed her door was shut and it was awfully quiet in there, so I went in and woke her up.

She said she got up earlier but that the shower water would not get hot so she went back to bed.

ok there is just so much wrong with that sentence. First of all no hot water means something is wrong with the hot water tank, and like I need another financial issue right this minute. And why would she just go back to bed? Shouldn't she have came and woke me up, so we had some time to figure out what to do?

So, I go to the bathroom and run the water, and yes she's right, no hot water. Then I go down stairs to the hot water tank and stare at it. Because I'm thinking that will fix it. It didn't work.

So, I tell her that she better get up and just get ready as best as she can and hurry now because she has like 10 minutes.

She is 16, this does not go over well!

She wants to just go back to bed and be late to school until her Dad fixes the water heater and I can just drive her when she's ready.

OK, PRINCESS!

I didn't say that.

I calmly said, get up and get dressed, put your hair in a pony tail and make it work.
Apparently I'm Tim Gunn.

This is where the whining, begging, pleading her case starts.

She informs me that yesterday I told her not to take a shower, to give her hair a break since we were just staying home doing nothing.
She reminds me how greasy AND frizzy her hair gets after just one day without a shower.
She even has tears.

I feel like this is one of those decisions that define you as a parent. One of those moments that help shape the kind of adult your child will be.

I can be a little overly dramatic sometimes.

But I honestly saw her as an adult and this same thing happening. Would she chance losing her job because her hair was icky? Would she expect the world would just wait while she got ready.
And I thought about this boy in Africa and all he had to go through to get himself to school each day and that he would love for a cold shower to be his biggest problem in life.

So, after a few slammed doors and boycotting my breakfast, she went to school.
I tried to tell her not to be mad. That she didn't have a choice right now about this situation but she had a choice about how she was going to react. I reminded her about the kids in Africa we had just been reading about and that maybe God was trying to give her some perspective and remind her how blessed she is.
I'm not sure if she listened. I'm not sure if I even made the right choice. I'm trying to imagine myself going to town without a shower for 2 days. Would I do it with a happy heart?

What would you have done in this situation? Take your child late or go all Tim Gunn on them?

Happy Monday!

Random life updates

2010-03-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

My tooth:
Ok, I tend to be either a completely ~~boring~~ calm and rational person or I tend to totally freak out. It ends up that my tooth wasn't that bad. It doesn't even hurt. A little piece chipped of because I have a huge, old filling in it. And it's way in the back, no one will even notice, and I have a whole other side to chew on.
This is me trying to convince myself I don't need to go back and have the dentist fix it. I totally hate going to the dentist.

My Job:
Like this is even a job. This little baby is the best baby and he smells so good. Me and my 2 younger girls just sit on the couch together and hold him and stare at him and then before we know it, it's 4:00 and his Grandmother has come home and we have to give him up. And then I get a check and go buy groceries and just can't even believe it!

Oldest daughter = Track:
After a horrible first week, and many calls from school (crying) asking if she can please quit, last night she got home, and I asked how it went. She said......... totally fun! and walked past me to her room. Ummm excuse me, yesterday you were crying, now it's fun?
Ok I totally knew this would happen, that's why I was the really mean heartless Mom who wouldn't let her quit after only one week. But I did not rub that fact in or dance around the room yelling told ya, told ya! Because I am totally mature like that.

Unemployment:
My husband is still totally out of work, but he did recieve the emergency unemployment so we are still eating. ha! He has a meeting tomorrow to go over some career skills because the construction business is still at an all time low. I know he is really scared. Construction is all he has ever done. He keeps looking to me for all the answers and honestly I tried to be that person for him for the last 20 years. (that's how long we've known eachother, not been married) But now? Now I'm standing back and letting him figure it out and just hoping that he'll start letting God be that person for him. It's not been easy though and I have the feeling that my husband is the kind of person who needs to hit rock bottom before he looks for the way out.

Happy Thursday. Totally.

So, last weekend..........

2010-03-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

When I took a little road trip with my daughters a few weekends ago, my oldest kept saying she wanted to go on one with her friends.

Her Birthday was coming up, so me and 2 of her friends planned a surprise for her.
A road trip......with Mom.
Yeah, I was a little worried they would think it wouldn't be that fun, but I promised them I would just be the driver and would say no to (almost) nothing.
Saturday morning, after a quick swim lesson, and a smallish track meet which we will not be talking about, we were off.
Warning: summer's coming and I will talk about swim nonstop.

It took my daughter about 2 hours to just relax and enjoy all that we had planned.
She's kind of controlling like that. I have no idea where she gets it.

I tried to just be quiet and let them do all the talking. I was hoping they would forget I was even there.

But ya know what happened?

They wouldn't let me be quiet.
Or stay in the car at each stop.
They even asked what I wanted to do next.
And they laughed at my attempts to be funny.
They told me their family issues. even my own daughter.
And asked my advice.

I tried to give my daughter a really great memory, and I got one of the best ones myself.

Thank you girls!

We live in Eastern Washington.
We haven't always lived on this side of the state. My husband and I both grew up on the western side, and all our family still lives there. We go back often, not as often lately as the kids are so busy here now and gas is so stinken expensive.
So, our road trip involved leaving this side and going to that side.
Mainly because I knew we could sleep at one Grandparents and have another Grandparents buy us a big breakfast the next morning.
Plus one of my daughter's friends had never been to Seattle.

My daughter took this picture. I love it.

( By the way, I so wanted to give a "Holla" to Gretchen while I was there. maybe someday!)

This is my daughter almost getting hit by a car. And if you look closely at her cheek, you can tell she is smiling about it!

This was one of my our favorite stops.

This is her cake from last night.

Those gum drops on there are really cute, but they were so gross. I did not read the package as they were called spice gum drops. eeww.

Oldest daughter:

Happy sweet 16!

Thanks for making me a Mom!

What a weekend!

2010-03-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

I took my daughter and 2 of her friends on the quickest, longest, funnest road trip this weekend.

I am exhausted!

The end.

Hoping to try and post some pictures tomorrow.

try being the keyword.

A tooth and a prayer

2010-03-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

Last night my husband and I were sitting together on the couch sharing a bowl of popcorn. (actually we had our own bowls because we both love p.c. and end up fighting over the bowl)
We were watching Survivor.
All of a sudden I had a sharp pain in my mouth and then my tooth broke.

I spit one whole half of my tooth out into my hand and just sat there in shock looking at it.
Then I freaked out!
I was so mad. Like wanting to throw and kick and scream mad.

I think it was like how can things just keep piling up on me. Always something trying to bring me down.

I have no dental insurance.
I have no extra money to even attempt to pay for this.
I'm sure my dentist will let us make payments, but this is one of the last things I want to struggle to come up with a payment for right now.
I'm scared it's going to hurt to fix it.
This weekend is my daughter's 16th Birthday surprise little trip I have planned and I don't really have time to fix this right this minute.
It hurts and I don't know if I can eat with it like this.
I take really good care of my teeth, why did this happen.

I cried and tried to just go to bed so I didn't have to try and figure this out.
But my family wouldn't let me.
My two youngest were so worried about me and were crying as hard as I was.
Mom just does not lose it like this.
My husband was trying to get me to take some advil, but I couldn't because I was too scared to put anything in my mouth.
My oldest came running up stairs screaming "What's wrong?"
Mom just does not lose it like this.

So we prayed.

At first my prayers were for myself. Why? Why? Why? and How? How? How?

But then.

I got this image of Moms everywhere getting bad news today.

How does a Mom come home from a doctor appointment and look into her kids' eyes and tell them she has cancer?
How does a pregnant Mom get up from watching Survivor, go to the bathroom, and find she is bleeding?
How does a Mom get up from watching Survivor to answer the phone and get told her husband was just killed? How does she tell her kids?
How does a Mom tell her kids there is nothing for dinner and have to look into those eyes, helplessly.

My prayers changed rather quickly.
I was thankful for this moment of pain and more financial hardship because it reminds me once again how blessed I am.
It reminds me to let my heart be broken and pray for others.

So, I'm praying for others today.
Will you do the same?

My oldest daughter

2010-03-10T07:53:00.000-08:00

In honor of my oldest daughter's 16th Birthday this month, here are 10 things I love about her.

1. Her smile. She smiles with her whole face. Often. When she was little her Dad called her clown eyes. Her smile is contagious too, you just can't be in a bad mood around her.

2. Her hair. She has great hair. dark brown with natural highlights and really thick with amazing curls. I also love that even though super straight hair is in style with the girls at her school, she seldom straightens hers.

3. She loves talking with and getting to know adults as much as kids. Ever since she was little and we would go to a party or shower of some sort, more often than not she would be hanging out with the adults.

4. When she was about 10 and we would be at a store like Target, she would always go to the baby section and look at all the baby stuff. She even lately has started asking me to buy her things for her babies someday, when she sees something she realy likes. At first I thought it was weird, but now I guess she just knows what she wants from life. And being a Mom someday is so important to her.

5. She also has most details of her wedding all planned out. Her colors, music, unique things she wants to do at her reception......She wants to have a candy table at her reception with cute little boxes for people to fill up and take home, so whenever we are at thrift stores she always heads to the section of dishes and looks for a cute dish, jar or bowl.

6. She is really loud. When she was little she had this loud, crazy, obnoxious laugh. I would always say, try and laugh like a lady.
(I know. I am so annoying)
I have since given up on that and learned to just embrace her loudness.

7. She puts others first. She shares everything and always so willingly (Is that a word?) She cares about figuring out her friends problems and helping them, even though she may be struggling with something herself. She roots with her whole heart for a sister who is better at a sport that she just happens to love herself.

8. She asks for my advice. I know this is huge. And not just for things like school work or family issues, but real things like boys and her friends. She not only asks, but takes it. uses it. And thanks me for it when the outcome is good.

9. She flirts with boys. I love this about her because I was scared to death of boys when I was a teenager, and sometimes being scared of something alters your decision making. She's not scared. She's not scared to flirt. She's not scared to tell how she feels. She's not scared to tell a boy her parents said she couldn't date him. She's not scared to say don't talk to me like that.

10. She gets me. We laugh at the same things. We read eachothers minds. She knows when I'm mad without having to tell her. She knows I love details and always offers them before I can ask. She gets my humor, when no one else does.

Me and My oldest daughter!

2010-03-08T13:42:00.000-08:00

Pictures!

2010-03-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am working on a little project/Birthday present for my oldest daughter.
She turns 16 next week!

The project involves pictures. I have been going through all her old photo albums and taking some special pictures out and scanning them into the computer.
She is so old that we didn't have digital cameras back then so she has tons of printed pictures and tons of photo albums.
My middle daughter has alot of photo albums too, not quite as many as her big sister though and of course her big Sis is in most of her pictures.
My youngest on the otherhand has like 1 photo album, as most of her pictures are on the computer or a disc.
Somehow it just doesn't feel as special saying here is your disc versus a cutsie hand made photo album.
I need to work on that.

Does anyone else have ~~misbalanced documentation~~ more pictures of one of their kids?
Does anyone feel the need to keep everything equally balanced like I do?
I'm an only child (for the most part) so I get all confused on the whole siblings things sometimes.

So, now that I have all these adorable pictures of my first born and her birthday is this month and I started this whole blog becasue of her...................

I'm thinking of posting some pictures.

Maybe I can get it together enough to do a tribute to her for the 10 on the10th!

Like this one.

Stay tuned.
I'm tellin ya' my daughter is cute! Then and now!

A job

2010-03-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

Remember when I told you about my friend who's daughter was having a baby?

He turns 2 months old tomorrow.

His Mommy needs to go back to work a little bit, but she has this adorable, great smelling little bundle of joy.

The thought of putting him in daycare was just too scary. Her Mom said that she had a person in mind to maybe watch him a few hours a day a couple times a week. She asked her daughter if she could pick one person to do that who would she pick?

They both said my name!

I got the call the other day. I said yes without even having to think twice about it. I even will be paid a little bit, which I tried to say no to, but she insisted.

A job. For me.

Someone is going to pay me to sit and cuddle a baby! I can't even begin to describe the smile on my face and in my heart.

And the fact that I will be able to sit and pray over this little guy just brings me great joy.

Road Trip

2010-03-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

Me and the girls took a small road trip this weekend.

It was small in the sense that we only stayed one quick night at our destination, but the driving part was not small at all.

I love road trips with my girls.

For some reason my oldest and I have always had great conversations in the car. I guess having to keep our eyes on the road and the never ending drive seems to let us just talk and talk. Before we know it we're talking about important and sometimes awkward or embarrassing topics.

We also listen to tons of music. Everything from Classical to Country and Christian to Hip Hop.
(Hip Hop/Rap/Gangsta...? I have no idea)

When we get really bored we play a game with the music.

My daughter puts 6 random CD's in and we take turns picking a number from 1 to 6, and then another number from 1 to 12. (or however many a CD has on it)
and then that is the song we listen to.
It never fails to turn out funny or even special as to that particular song totally being about that person.

We had been playing this game for awhile on our trip and everyone was getting bored of it so we decided to stop. My oldest daughter had one turn left so she started fumbling around with the CD's and I think she was trying to put a different one in.
She was basically cheating, by knowing what CD it was and what song she was picking.

And the song?

Best day by Taylor Swift

If you know this song you'll know I was crying my eyes out. I felt like this had been one of the best days ever with my girls. But the fact that my daughter must have also been feeling that........well, words just can't describe.

Go listen to that song if you don't know it. It will remind you of your kids or maybe even your own Mom............

And bring on the next......

2010-02-26T07:18:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter is not what you'd call athletic.
But she tries.
She tried soccer when she was 5 and then again this year.

Last year she tried Tennis for the first time.

In Junior High she played one year of Volleyball.

She just finished her first year of ~~wishing she could play~~ managing the basketball team.

The ONE sport that has lasted is swimming. She has been part of a summer swim league for the past 5 years. I haven't talked about that much here, but trust me summer is coming and I will.

Yesterday she came home and said she signed up for track.
Then she started crying.

I tried to sound real upbeat and encouraging, because I knew that's what she needed.

She said she wanted to get in shape for swim this summer and at the time it sounded like a good idea. Run around a track all afternoon with some ~~big scary~~ ~~guy~~ coach yelling at you not to stop.
She had forgotten that it actually involved meets.
So we spent some time going over the events she could possibly do.

I made it clear that she was not to even attempt the hurdles.
That sounds mean, but just trust me.

We thought maybe the long jump. You land in a nice pile of soft sand.
She was too worried it would get in her hair.

She can't do any of the throwing events because she has a shoulder injury.
from swimming.

Finally we just started laughing.
I told her how amazing and brave I thought she was and that I love how I never know what to expect from her. And that I wish I could not take life or even my own limitations so seriously.

That night as she was going to bed, she yelled...
"Bring on the next!" in a strong confident voice.

All I can say is.......stay tuned.

It is still February ya know.

2010-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

This morning she broke out the flip flops and the self tanner.

Found a skirt in the back of her closet.

Dug through the dryer to find the one perfect tank top, even though her drawer is full of other ones.

Painted her toe nails instead of eating breakfast.

Clipped a little bow in her perfectly curled, sprayed hair.

Got in the car, late as usual.

Tried to quickly pull out of the garage as the garage door took it's time to open.

And drove to the bus stop in SNOW!

"Will you bring my jeans and shoes when you come to town later?" she quietly asked.

The spring like weather we have been having gave her a little too much hope!

The FUN plan

2010-02-22T07:31:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter has a friend who goes to a private school in California.

She is like some sort of genius or something.
She has been in public school and home schooled. When she took the WASL test and the SAT tests her scores were so high that people/schools/scholarship programs started calling. She received a full 4 year scholarship to this private school on the shores of Malibu or something.

We have no idea why she is friends with us.

Well actually I do.

My daughter is fun.

And even really smart, educated, know things I can't even fathom people need to have fun.

So, she was home this weekend and my daughter and 2 other girls were so excited to see her and have some fun with her.

Here is the problem.
We live in a very small, nothing to do, everything closes at 8 town.

So the girls came up with a brilliant plan.

The big town.

60 miles south is a large town with movie theaters, restaurants that actually stay open in the dark, and the MALL.....

So the 4 girls gather all us parents together and lay out their plan of action.
1 of the girls is 18, has a licence, a good driving record, very trustworthy, acts like an adult, respected in the community......

this was part of their pitch.

They wanted to be allowed to drive to this big town, get ice cream, go to the mall, and see a movie. A real movie that just came out, not one that's 2 months old and finally came to our town's 1 screen movie theater.

So, we let them.

The plan was for the girls to get home by 11 pm and all stay the night together.

I felt fine really.

Until I fell asleep in my chair because I was trying to stay awake so that at 11pm I could call her and make sure they had made it home ok. And now it was 2 am and I had no idea if they were home, and maybe the other Mom also fell asleep in her chair and had no idea they were not home, and they were attacked in the dark parking lot after the movie, or slid off the road from all the ice that had magically appeared............

It was rough.
I wasn't sure if I should try and call and wake the whole house up and look like a crazy Mom.

So I just slipped to my knees and prayed.

Not for my daughter, but for myself.

That I would trust the plans He has for her, and realize deep down in the very pit of my soul how much more He loves her than I ever could begin to imagine.

And it worked. I went to bed feeling full of peace and not like a crazy Mom on the verge of waking up the whole town.

Although I did call bright and early the next morning.

But instead of my daughter being extremely cranky for being woken up so early, she was so happy and thankful for being allowed to do something so fun last night.
She said her friends had the most amazing time and that the really smart, brilliant, genius friend had peed her pants on the way home because they were laughing so hard and were too scared to stop anywhere and get out of the car and use the bathroom.

I'd say my daughter's plan worked perfectly.

It's healthy to live vicariously through your children...... right?

2010-02-16T07:07:00.000-08:00

Friday we went up to the highschool to watch the basketball games.

My oldest is the basketball manager so she was busy filming the game. She has to go way up to the top of the stands and sit in a booth with the game announcer and the guy on the radio.
She was so cute up there looking all official and I kept taking pictures of her from across the gym.

Until she finally looked at me and mouthed "knock it off!"

Later I kept talking to her about her filming career. I told her she needed to get into the photography classes that the school offered and then I told her that the paper was having a contest for best local video or photograph and that she should enter.

I guess I was going on and on (her words) about it, because she finally looked at me and said that maybe I was the one who wanted to do all this.

hmmm. Interesting.

How I love His Word

2010-02-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

He never disappoints.
I on the other hand tend to dissappoint myself far too often. But He knows this about me, He's talked to me about it before. He also knows that when I do something particularly hard, for Him, well...He never disappoints.

That's how it's been getting into this reading the Bible in a year thing. I've done this before, with my church, on my own....
But I knew I needed to do it again this year.
I've been going through some things that I know will only get resolved if I keep my mind filled with Him and His ways.

This week I needed to catch up and stay with it. So, I did a lot of reading.

He decided I was ready for some meat.

Don't you love how alive the Bible is sometimes, when scripture you have read over and over again becomes new and He teaches you something amazing from something you've already read?

At first the specific verses He had for me this week were hard to understand. I couldn't get why I needed to hear, know, feel them. But as they wouldn't leave me and I had to go in search of what it was He was trying to tell me, my eyes were opened in new way.

Meat.

Sometimes meat can be hard to chew and sometimes I want the easy digestion of my all familiar milk.

But I've been asking for some tough questions lately and He must think I'm ready to handle some tough answers.

He never disappoints.

I would share the scripture, but it is so painfully personal that I don't feel I'd do it justice trying to explain.

Is that weird?

I will tell you though to keep asking. Keep reading. Keep not being satisfied with the all familiar milk.
And if you disappoint yourself like I do. Know that He knows that, and wants you to know that it is He that never disappoints.

He/Him/His= Jesus
Just to be clear.

going random

2010-02-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

Joining Mer again this month.
(Hope it's ok to use her nickname)

#1 One of the reasons I love 10 on the 10th is because of the challenge. It's like my version of playing Suduko, which they say keeps your mind sharp. But I don't really like Suduko. at all. I don't like numbers. I like letters. To me numbers and letters are complete opposites. I almost like letters as much as Marla.
obviously coming up with this 10 isn't much of a challenge since I'm going random.

#2 Speaking of Marla I have always wanted to make her a necklace from an M scrabble game piece. But I have no idea how or will probably never get around to doing it. Does anyone want to make her one and send it to her? If you do, could you just in tiny print sign it from O Mom too. Do you think she already has one?

#3 Speaking of Scrabble. You know how sometimes they come out with stuff for a limited time in the color pink? I would love the scrabble game in pink. Can ya just see the light and dark pink board and the tiles all in pink....I would play everyday. every day? June ?

#4 Do you think it was a little rude of the grocery clerk to look at me weird after she saw my tiny heart box of chocolate I was buying and asked me who it was for and I said myself?

#5 Speaking of the tiny heart box of chocolate, I know it was only .88 cents, but it totally could have fit more than 3 pieces in there. My body was having a freak out moment and it was craving chocolate. It happens ~~every so often~~ once a month.

#6 My oldest daughter called me from school this morning with a bad headache. She said the school nurse would not give her any advil, so I called to give my ok. They said there was a new policy that they were not allowed to give any medication to students even with a parents' permission.
hmmm.

#7 Is this random enough for you? Random is kinda fun.

#8 I am a little confused as to why Ellen is on American Idol. Does she suddenly produce records or something?

#9 And speaking of Idol, has Kara grown on anyone a little more since last year? At first we were so annoyed by her being there. This year she seems a little funner.
And funner is totally a word.

#10 This is my favorite song right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gz3QR_0EIE

I don't think they're talking about bad tacos!

2010-02-08T08:56:00.000-08:00

Ray Lewis is football player.

I'm not sure what team.

he had a rough upbringing, and maybe made some bad choices along the way.

I watched an interview of him yesterday.

He preached to me.

"Sometimes in life you don't get everything you want, but if you've got someone in your life that has given you everything you NEED, then don't complain."
Ray Lewis

I'm thinking of writing this in my ~~daughter's room~~ kitchen.

Superbowl

2010-02-05T19:15:00.000-08:00

It's really all about the food.

Although, I do like to watch football. I even yell at the tv sometimes.
I think I like it even more than my husband, who usually falls asleep.

Football reminds me of my Dad.

He ~~yelled at the tv~~ watched alot of football when I was little. I remember sitting with him and asking question after question about what was going on, what the rules were, who did we want to win.

This is one of those times he would ask, "What are you, writing a book?"

But he always answered every question.

Sometimes I like to call him after the Superbowl and say hi and see what he thought about the game.
I remember when the Seattle Seahawks played in the Superbowl a few years ago and we lost. All because of some really bad calls from the refs.....

After the game, I called my Dad.

We talked about that game, the players, and those awful calls from the refs....

It made me miss him.

It also made me so thankful for him too. He alone gave me the love of watching a football game. It doesn't sound like much, but it's a memory. A good memory.

Actually now that I think about it, it might have been my sister who was obsessed with the Dallas Cowboys in the 80's, who gave me the love of watching ~~the Cowboys~~ Football!

Back to the food.......

I'm no Ree. Have you seen what she's making? I want to be adopted.

But we will have chips and dip, that much I know.
My husband wants some kind of cheese dip made with Velveeta.

Velveeta grosses me out. What is it? Is it even cheese? We'll have to see about that one. I even have a coupon, but still...

And did I try and say the other day that we don't eat Junk food around here?

Anyway,
Enjoy the day. Whether you're a football watching, velveeta eating fan or not just enjoy the day and make memories whatever you do. You never know how important those things will be to someone else down the road.

Go Cowboys!

Are they even in the Superbowl this year?

ha ha! I said I liked to watch football not that I knew what was going on...........

Shopping

2010-02-03T08:52:00.000-08:00

My daughter, the teenager who goes to public Hgh School, has been wanting to go shopping since Christmas.
She did get money for Christmas that was to be spent on a shopping trip for her, and we she has just been too busy to go.

She sent me an email yesterday reminding me she wanted to go. In the email was an Ad from a store that had a 20% off coupon in it.
I thought, oh she is so sweet and responsible.

Then I clicked on the ad.

This is what I saw....

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=GJ-254786&page=1&cgname=OSCLOSHTZZZ&rfnbr=3400

I'm sorry, but this just isn't what I had in mind.

GladiTuesday

2010-02-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm joining Gretchen today.

Things that make me glad today. Because life is a choice really and today I choose to see gladiness.

Gretchen talks with alot of "i" at the end of her words and it just makes you feel so much glad i er!

1. The Bachelor
Yes the show. My oldest daughter and I watch it together (my husband tries for about 2 minutes and then can not keep quiet so we have to ~~kick~~ politely ask him to leave) and it makes for great conversationies about the whole dating thing. And last night made us both about cry when Corey told him that she was saving her self for marriage.......we were just really proud of her. Of course she got ~~kicked~~ politely asked to leave after that, but it made for great conversationies with my daughter.

2. February
I love the color pink and knowing that every single store I go to this whole month will be covered in pink, just makes me happy. I don't even mind if I can't buy anything. There is just something gladdi about the color pink.

3. Tuesdays
My 2 younger daughters have Ballet on Tuesdays. I love that they both love it and they are so cute in their PINK little outfits. But the best part really is that I get an hour and a half of visiting with a dear friend while the girls dance all their energy out. Dancie their energy outie.

4. Weather patterns
My husband had to sell his dozer (big tractory machine thingy) this last fall. It was our snow plow, we have about 1/4 mile long driveway (I actually have no idea how long it is that just seems about right) When he sold it we had no idea how we would plow our driveway this winter. Turns out we have gotten almost NO snow, which is unheard of for Eastern Washington, and have not even needed a plow. I think all the snow went to North Carolina this year.

5. The Library
Ballet is right next to the Library so the girls always get to pick out a movie and a couple of books and I get to print out up to 10 things for free. I just love the Library, they even decorate. A Library covered in pink, now that just makes me smile!

Hope you have a GladiTuesday!

Blessings in the midst of trials

2010-02-01T07:24:00.000-08:00

My husband is still out of work. He is a carpenter. Most of his work has been framing houses or millwork (trim and cabinet installation). He has worked for several different builders over the years. Some of those builders are completely out of business right now. Some have downsized their number of houses they build by over 75%. It's shocking really. He has been on unemployment for the first time in his 18 years of working.

His unemployment just ran out last week.

The President "ok'd" an extension of Emergency Unemployment Benefits recently. The only problem is, you have to apply by mail for this extension once your benefits run out, and it can take up to 4-6 weeks to get an answer.

Kinda defeats the purpose of this being an emergency, but I won't complain.

If he doesn't qualify for this extension, then yes, I will complain.

To who? I have no idea. Probably here, so consider yourself warned.

There have been some amazing blessings through this though.

I know that on the other side of all this we will be a different family. A better family. I am honestly trying my best not to rush God through this. Ohhh how I want to be on the other side of this, but I am still learning, I still see it everyday. So, I'm taking notes and storing them in my heart so they don't get lost.

Here's a couple:

Little things can leave the most amazing memories your children will cherish for their lifetime:
We rescued a kitten a little over a year ago. When she was old enough to need to be fixed, we didn't have the money, so I didn't do it. This last Fall she had kittens. 4 of them. 1 died a few days after birth. 1 was so tiny (the runt) that I feared we would lose it too. My youngest was determined to love that little one to life. She did. Every single day she would go to the garage and sit and hold it and and make sure it got it's spot to eat and would watch over it the whole time making sure none of the other 2 kittens pushed it around. It made it! And today you should see her and "Whittie", they are inseperable.
For Christmas we gave one kitten to my Mom, who's cat had just recently died. She says it was the best present she's ever received!
The other day my girls were playing with the cats and my youngest daughter started to quietly cry.
I asked her what was wrong.
She said nothing was wrong. She was just so happy and that having these kittens had made this the best year ever!
Of course that made me cry. I had just been feeling like this was the worst year ever.
not anymore. If I'd had the money at the time, I would have gotten the cat fixed and would have missed this event which turned into a huge blessing for my girls.

Food:
I have never been a huge junk food buyer. Like, I don't think I have ever bought a box of twinkies or anything hostessy. But we have in the past eaten very conviently. The freezer was always stocked with frozen burritos, eggos, hot pockets, fries......and the cupboards had cans of soup, crackers and chips. Easy quick to fix food.
Well if you've ever been on a grocery shopping budget you know that these type of items can be made by spending alot less money. Yes, I'm talking from scratch. I started slowly. The girls love pancakes and waffles for breakfast and I just couldn't afford to buy them all the time. So I started making them from scratch. Same for the fries. Do you realize how much stuff you can make from a .99 bag of potatoes? And the homemade fries are now a family favorite!
If you looked in our freezer now, you'd see only meat, some frozen fruit, and frozen bread. With the cupboards not holding so much quick snacky stuff, we eat tons more fruit and veggies. Basically because sometimes that's all there is to snack on.
I am by no means a healthy food expert but it does feel good to know I'm not putting so much processed food into my kids diets. My youngest gets headaches alot and my middle daughter has some attention/dyslexia issues. I can't say that these have gone away, but I can see a huge improvement with them. Is it the food? I don't know for sure, but my Mommy instinct says yes.
If our finances hadn't changed, I don't know that I would have changed our eating habits so much and I love the way my girls eat today.

Blessings in the midst of trials.

What blessing can you find from a trial in your life? They are there. We just need to make the choice to see them.

*disclaimer: I did not mean to start a debate in any of the following areas;
Unemployment
President Obama
PETA
Food choices

I realized after I wrote all this that these are very some touchy subjects now a days. I'm just trying to share the blessings our family is receiving through a hard time. So, PETA instead of telling me how irresponsible I am, how about tell me where I can get my cats fixed for free.
:)

Friday night nerves

2010-01-29T07:29:00.000-08:00

It's Friday night again.

I don't remember when Friday nights started making me so nervous. I used to love them. The idea of being able to stay up late, no rushed bedtime rituals, knowing I'd be able to sleep in the next morning, and then make pancakes and bacon for breakfast............

But I have a teenage daughter, remember.

And she LOVES Friday nights.

A couple months ago, she somehow talked me into letting her be the Basketball Manager. When she first asked, I was like Yeah right! I know exactly why you want to "manage" the BOYS basketball team!

and yes I used air quotes as I said it to her.

I have her all figured out.

But then she said, "Not the boys team, the girls team!"

And I was like oh, ok, maybe that's harmless. She really does just want to MANAGE the team.

Well it has been harmless. Pretty much. Except she did leave out the fact that the boys' and girls' teams do all ride together on the buses to the away games and the boys play right after the girls on the Friday night games.
So my visions of her being crammed together with a bunch of sweaty boys has still happened, somewhat.

So back to Friday nights. There is always a game, and being a manager she is required to be there. She is in charge of the filming, which she has loved and taken very seriously, so I am so proud of her being so responsible.

I like the word so.

Last Friday was a home game and she had the usual plans to be there and manage her girls. She had asked to stay for the boys game after, and somehow we compromised and I said I would pick her up at halftime.

I came into town.......

remember we live a half hour out of town, so planning is key for me.

I came into town early so me and the girls could visit with our friends and the new baby. They happen to live like 3 blocks from the high school. Right as I was getting ready to leave to go get her from the game, the phone rang. Yes it was her.
"Ohhh PLEASE can I stay for the rest of the game. It's tied and I want to watch them win..............."
I am a whimp so I said yes. Plus I was holding the baby!

Finally it was time to get her. My friend came with me for the short drive because........well she has 7 CHILDREN! nuff said.

As we pull up to the school, I see my daughter coming out of the doors. She is not alone. There is a tall, hat wearing boy walking with her.

I'm not prejudice of hats, it just seems important here.

They walk up to car and my sweet precious daughter asks my friend to roll down the window.

"Oh hi Mrs..... he knows my friend
we have a question to ask you."

My daughter asks if she can stay for the dance. I have no idea why she thought bringing a boy to ask with her was a good idea.

Here's the funny part. My friend who is so funny, tells them just a sec....and rolls up the window so we can discuss this!
My daughter looks horrified and we are in the car laughing so hard.

We (I think all major decisions should be made with your friend) decide she can stay for half the dance and my friend will pick her up for me and she can stay the night there. But first we (ok she) gave a huge speech to this tall, hat wearing boy that if he was not nice and respectful and if she was one second late he was going to turn into a pumpkin.

So that was last Friday.

As of this minute we have the same plans that we had last Friday at this time.
So, instead of dreaming about sleeping in tomorrow and bacon, I'm getting ready for the Friday night nerves.........

I have a teenage daughter, remember.

So, How are you planning to spend your Friday night?
Big plans, small plans?
Did I make you want bacon?

Stolen Quotes

2010-01-26T07:46:00.000-08:00

Here are a few little things that people have said out in blog land these past few weeks. For one reason or another they really stuck with me.

So I thought I'd share.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day, you may look back and realize
that they were the big things.”
- Robert Brault

Quote stolen from Centsational Girl

"There is so much freedom in doing what you love, even if I'm scared to death, and then trusting Him with the outcome."

Quote stolen from The Preacher's Wife

"I will forever be amazed at the power of words."

Quote stolen from Lysa TerKeurst

"I didn't say don't be scared, I said don't be afraid."

Quote stolen from Dirty Shame

"I could see that each step I took on one path, gave me direction and wisdom for this new path."

Quote stolen from my sister Teresa

"Quiet whispers of encouragement can be a life-line to someone else."

Quote stolen from Kellie

I tried to make sure and leave a comment on these people's blogs asking permission to steal from them.

Any one of these speak to you like it did me?

Half over

2010-01-20T10:21:00.001-08:00

My daughter is a Sophomore in high school.

Her Sophomore year is half over already.

How did that happen?

I am trying not to look too far ahead..............

Her taking her driving test this March
Her wanting to drive herself everywhere, without me
Her being a Junior
Her being a Senior
Her going off, far far away to college
Her not going to College and just living off us forever

I don't really want to think about all that.
I just want to enjoy each and every single moment I have with her.

Like when she was a new born baby and I just wanted her to sleep on my chest all day and all night.
Everyone kept telling me to put her down and let her sleep in her bed.
But I knew it would go so fast and I wanted to take advantage of
each and every single moment I had with her.

My middle daughter is 9.

Her time before she turns into an adult is half over.

How did that happen?

I am trying not to look too far ahead...................

I just want to enjoy each and every single moment I have with her.

My youngest daughter is 6.

She 's half way to driving me crazy.

Yet. I still want to enjoy each and every single moment I have with her.

Walking

2010-01-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

I have been walking with Jesus.
Lately He has been leading me down a path that I thought I already knew.

Turns out, Jesus has a different idea of victory than I do.

Sure my idea is pretty good, from the world's eyes.

But He wants so much more than pretty good. His plans for my life include so much more than just a happy, comfortable, feels good walk in the park.

His path is actually going somewhere.
Not just round and round the park.

There are some things I need to let go of. I thought I had been all this time, but clearly Jesus says I haven't. Not really. My heart or mind has still always kept some of my hands right on it.

Jesus says let go. Completely.

It's hard. Really hard.

I am a thinker. I like to figure everything out in my mind and then act.

But I'm just me and try as I might I can not figure everything or everyone out.

I feel like things are going to get worse before they get better. I have made a mess of my life that only Jesus and I can see.
But His eyes are enough.

He has been telling me for a long time to let go.

I have finally heard Him.

Now the actual letting go part? That's hard.

But so is knowing He wants something from me and not doing it.
That's just painful.

Friday night blues

2010-01-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

We have the blues here. The big sis is not coming home tonight blues.

We get them often lately.

We are having popcorn, homemade, it's the best!
We have, Cloudy with a chance of meatballs to watch!
We have a Dad who is sound asleep on the couch, snoring!
We have a cranky 6 year old, who keeps STOMPING her foot, when I say no!

And I wonder why she chooses to go to the basketball game and stay the night with her friend..................

*UPDATE
Remember my weepy post about kids and balloons all because my #1 had a job interview?
Well, she got the job.
It won't start until this summer, because it's a swim coaching job, but she is so excited.
I'm excited because the coaches get to join the swimteam for FREE!

Happy Friday night! :)

Regrets

2010-01-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

My daughter is regretting going to High School.

For one reason and one reason only.

BIOLOGY!

I don't even remember having biology in High School. We had like life and earth science or something........
But then I also took a type writing class. Yes, with a type writer! Not a computer. A type writer.

In the last month she has had to dissect:

A worm
A clam
A squid

I can't even go on. This is just disgusting.

Shouldn't she be learning how to:

Save money
Pay a mortgage
Feed a family with healthy food
File taxes
Compare insurances
Manage time between work and family
Compromise with husband
Serve God

ohhh wait this is what I'm still learning.

Should I be worried?

2010-01-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

We have a few different DVD series we have bought over the years.

Some really good ones like;

The Muppets
Full House
Home Improvement
Wonder Woman (This was for me, I totally wanted to be her when I was little)

But my 9 year old and my 6 year old, have a favorite.......

Dukes of Hazard
(This was bought for my husband, who totally ~~wants~~ wanted to be one of the Duke boys)

So last night I told the girls they could pick one show out to watch, and here they came with the Dukes of Hazard box.

me: Why this?

9 year old: It's my favorite

me: Why?

9 year old: acting a little embarrased, They're really funny and they have a cool car!
6 year old: Yeah Mom they're so cute and they drive really fast!

Again, should I be worried?
:)

10 Things I Hope To Accomplish In 2010

2010-01-10T10:33:00.000-08:00

Thanks again Life at 7000 feet!
(Wow, is she really at 7000 feet? That is amazing!)

I think these are my favorite posts to do. I just LOVE a challenge that has to do with words. I just pick a topic and challenge myself to come up with 10 things.

10 things I am hoping to accomplish this year. If they don't get accomplished, I'm hoping to look back and see that I at least put some effort into them. Do I sound like I'm doubting myself already?

#1 Publish my childrens' books

OK maybe not publish, but at least get the ones off the shelf that I have already written, write the ones that are still banging around in my head, look up "publishers" on the internet, and just go from there.

#2 Read the whole Bible

#3 Pray daily for my husband and our marriage

#4 lose weight

ugh

#5 Get a job

#6 Pay off debt

#7 Find a church and go to it regularly

I love church, it has just been hard to find the right one since we moved. I looked when we first moved here, but just gave up after a few weird experiences. It's been 6 years. That's too long to go without having somewhere to worship and get "preached at" on a regular basis.

#8 Get my wisdom teeth pulled

Yes I still have my 2 bottom ones. I have had several different appointments to do this and have cancelled them all. I get freaked out thinking about them ripping 2 huge teeth out of my mouth!

#9 Write

I have sooooooo much in my head. Ideas, Stories, Bible studies......I just don't always know what it all means, so I push it aside. But it doesn't go away. I need to get it all down and then at least it'll be out of my head!

#10 Be a better Mom

I know this is an every year desire, but it is just going way to fast! I want to be able to spend less time worrying about the messes, and the schedules, and the things. I want to spend more time really looking into their eyes, and doing the things that they're going to remember the most.

If you had one goal this year to be accomplished what would it be?

UP UP and AWAY....

2010-01-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes raising kids is like having a balloon.

It starts with this little tiny shrivled thing.

you hold it and look at it and wonder where to begin.

Then comes the hard part.

Getting going can be hard, but once you figure out how to do it, you keep going.

And going. And going.

It changes and grows and you see a shape taking place.

You give it more and more, even though you feel out of breath and can't seem give anymore.

Then you see it. How beautiful. You think that wasn't so hard, and it was so worth it.

As you try to tie the knot/ give the last bit of advice, it's feeling the wind. Wanting to let that wind carry it on. Carry it somewhere without you. On it's own.

So you let it go.

As it slowly goes with the wind, you get to watch it for awhile, and it is the most beautiful thing you've seen.

Then in an instant it's gone.

But the memory of it will last a lifetime.

All this from one little job interview my daughter went on last night. I dropped her off at the curb and then inside the building I could see her! She shook hands with not just 1 person, but 4 people! I saw her sit down and smile and begin to be interviewed like she was some adult or something. It was amazing. But it made me cry. Just yesterday she was wearing diapers saying she was going to marry me because I was the best person she ever knew. Now? She's a balloon feeling that wind...........

A Boy!

2010-01-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

A baby boy was born yesterday.

I'm sure alot of babies were born yesterday. I'm sure alot were not.

I spent some time yesterday in the hospital's chapel. It was beautiful and I had it all to myself.

I prayed for this new baby and this new mommy.
I prayed for some women whom I have never laid eyes on, yet I knew who were praying. I asked for blessings to be sent right back to you.
I prayed for some of the women I got to know this year through blogs, that aren't holding their sweet baby in their arms.
I cried so many tears. Happy tears. Sad tears. The why can't I do more tears.

A baby boy was born yesterday.

He is healthy and safe today.

tomorrow...............................

Off to have a baby!

2010-01-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

Not me.

My best friend has 7 children.
6 of them are daughters.

Her oldest is 17, who is at the hospital right this minute getting ready to have a baby.

My best friend is going to be a Grandma.
She was not ready for that.

Her 2nd oldest daughter is my daughter's best friend.
We have been a part of this family for the past 6 years.

Between me and my friend we have 9 daughters!
To say we have spent many nights, days, phone calls.... trying to figure them out, would be a total understatement! You just can't figure that many girls out at once.

Last year this beautiful, smart, sweet, easy going girl went looking for love.
The love that I know was knitted together in her when she was in her own mother's womb. The love and desire to be a wife and a mother.

She just forgot one important thing.

To fall in love with Jesus first.

So her ideas of love got fuzzy. Her desire to have what God put in her overroad her desire to wait out the plan God had.

It happens every. single. day.

I believe we are all born with these desires, gifts, ideas...inside of us. Each of ours so different and yet some the same. But waiting for God to work them out in our lives can be hard.

If you have an extra moment today, I know a scared, yet excited 17 year old girl who could use your prayers. I'm sure there's alot of them out there.
And while your at it say a prayer for yourself. For that desire that only God could have put in you, that you'll wait it out for His plan.

ok, I'm off to the hospital!

Boy toys can be fun!

2010-01-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

I am a girly girl.

I love the fact that I have 3 daughters.

I can not imagine my life if I had 3 boys.

When I walk through the boys' section of clothes or toys, I get completely bored.
seriously bored, within seconds.

I am so sorry if that sounds so rude to all you Mother's of boys.

I just love girly stuff.

My whole house would be pink if I didn't have a husband.
seriously pink.

We were at Mcdonalds the other day.
Yes, my kids eat there.

I ordered 2 happy meals. They usually ask if I need a girl or a boy toy to go with that.
They didn't ask this time.

As the girls ate on the way home.
Yes, my kids eat in the car.

One of them asked what the toy was. I casually looked over at the bag and said,
" Oh I don't know some ugly gray and black thing!"

"ewwe." one of them replied.
"Yeah, ewe." I agreed.

When we got home daughter #3 took the toys out of the bag and went and found her sister to open it up and see what it was.

Next thing I knew I heard laughing and running and jumping coming from their room.
As I went up to investigate, I was attacked!

Turns out the ugly gray and black thing was a nerf gun of some sort.

Turns out it was the best toy Mcdonalds has ever given!

It has been 6 days and this thing has been played with non stop.

Either boy toys can be fun or my daughters are having a little too much fun trying to kill eachother!

2009 wrap up!

2009-12-31T12:45:00.000-08:00

I really only started blogging half way through this year, but I think this list could easily sum it up.
My year has felt a little off balanced, and I usually try to keep myself together with some sort of list or being organized, so it's no surprise to have numbers used in 2 of my titles.

Yes,I'm slowly trying to get to the real me, with the help of this blog.

But mostly this year has been about my daughters. (I just can't help myself.) So I'm not surprised to find one of my favorite stories about my #1!

Here's my (half) year.

May
the real me

September
Take two

October
daughters vs. sons

November
She danced the night away......and went bowling?

December
Day #1

crossroads

2009-12-21T07:30:00.001-08:00

There are those moments in life when you can look back and see where your life was at a crossroad. A decision made that altered your path.
Sometimes when you're in the midst of it you don't realize how important a decision can be.

This is where we've been the last few days. At a crossroad.

My daughter's crossroad.

Am I going to let the world's views of what is normal and acceptable help me determine what I tell her?
Am I going to listen to that small convicting voice that's whispering to me?
Am I going to show my daughter how you let your actions match what your words have been?

Yes, this is all about a boy.

This has been the first real chance for my daughter to put Jesus first.
And it's been hard.

I wish it was always easy to walk with Jesus, but the plain truth is that sometimes it's just plain hard.

And He knows it.

This weekend,I watched my daughter put Jesus first. And though many tears were shed, it was the most amazing thing to see.

boys, boys, boys

2009-12-17T19:25:00.000-08:00

This has been a tough subject for us.

When my daughter was home schooled it was very easy to keep the boy situation in perspective.

Sure, they have their summer swimteam where the girls and boys all hang out together all summer, practically naked. But it's mostly supervised by us adults and these kids have hung out together for years so it has that more of a family feel to it.

High school is a whole different planet.

we thought we had made it clear to our daughter that we don't really want her to have a boyfriend.

Does that seem extreme?

Here's our case.
(And yes I feel as if I'm in court, under oath, ready to be sent to jail)

That's what having a teenage daughter makes you feel like. for me sometimes.

She is almost 16. We have told her that when she is 16 she can start dating.
But not really dating as in having a boyfriend here and one there. More like go to the movies with this boy, maybe a dance with that boy, hang out with one at lunch this day...................

Ya know what I mean?

I don't really like the idea of her having a boyfriend. A boyfriend to me means, hand holding, kissing, and basically one step away from marriage.

I don't want her to have held 20 hands, and kissed 20 boys, before she says I do.
I am trying to protect her from this as much as I can.

High School is not.

"Everyone has a boyfriend, Mom!"
"Everyone has had boyfriends since they were like 13!"

But I don't want her to be like everyone.

But for her, it's hard. She thinks somethings wrong with her because she hasn't had a boyfriend.

(okay I'm really starting to hate the word boyfriend)

2 weeks ago she started talking about this boy on the basketball team. How cute we thought. He called her the other night and they laughed and talked for a whole hour. How cute we thought.

Today she came home and said he asked her to go out with him.
How cute we thought, like meeting at the movies or something...........

No. like as in be his girlfriend.
How not cute we thought.

Where did we go wrong. I swear we've had numerous conversations about this. Is her ~~hormones~~ heart just overriding her senses right now?

I feel a little bit at a lose right now. This is new territory for us and I feel like I have a vision in my head of how I'm suppose to be handling this, but it's not playing out all that well.

I would love any advice, prayers, humorous stories at this point that anyone can offer.

Soccer

2009-12-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter is not really athletic.

This is not an insult, just truth and she knows it.

She also tends to be a little clutsy. Kind of like the girl in the Princess Diaries movies. We call her that alot, Mia.

This does not stop her from trying though.

At the end of last year, she tried out for cheerleading. There was stiff competition and she had never even tried to learn or do a cheer in her life.

She didn't make it. It was crushing.

But I had never been more proud of her. Seeing her try something new and obviously stepping out of her comfort zone, was amazing!

This year as school started, she had some friends who played soccer. There was not going to be enough girls trying out for the team to make a JV team, so they were going around school trying to get girls to tryout.

Cue my daughter.

In her defense she has played soccer before.

When she was 5!

But she's a supporter and a help a friend in need kinda girl.

So, she borrowed some shin guards, bought some ~~ugly shoes~~ cleats, and signed right up.

It was a rough year for the JV team as it consisted of more than half the players not really wanting to be there and the other half having no idea what they were doing. But they were definately fun to watch.

We had the Soccer banquet the other night. I watched amazing videos and heard great stories of some really athletic and talented young ladies.

But my proudest moment?

Watching my daughter receive the Most Improved Player award!

We'll leave out the part where she almost tripped going up to receive it.

my 10 to my Salvation

2009-12-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

Go here to read more 10 0n the 10th!

I wanted to do a Christmas edition, but I didn't think you all wanted to hear about my 10 favorite cookies. It seems all I can think about right now is FOOD!
Then I thought about doing the 10 gifts I'm hoping to receive for Christmas, but then I realized I'm sure I'm not getting any of them ,and it felt a little depressing.

But I wasn't depressed for long because I realized I have already received the best gift I could ever get.

My Salvation.

So, I'm going to try and tell my story. My testimony. In 10 ~~easy~~ steps.

1. I grew up basically without a mom, raised by my dad, then a step family, and no Jesus.

2. I was a rowdy, rebellious teenager. sshh. don't tell my daughter.

3. I met a cute boy my senior year of H.S. who was also rowdy and rebellious.

4. Then I met his parents. And there was something different about them.

5. After H.S. I tried on my own to grow up and stop being so rowdy, and I did kinda, but I was.....bitter? lonely? sad? lost? Yeah, all those.

6. That cute boy and I decided to move in together. shh. don't tell my daughter. That was all I would commit to.

7. Cute boy's parent were still different. Every time we got together they talked about Jesus. How much this Jesus loved me. That I would need this Jesus more than anything else in the world.

8. They recommended a christian radio station to listen to. And I listened. I listened to the words of the songs and found myself thinking; how can they sing of being so in love with this Jesus, like he was really real or something.

9. So, I started praying in my car as I drove to work, which was an hour drive every day, that if Jesus was real then he would have to show me himself.

10. One day I got home from work and there were tickets to John Jacobs and the Power Team.
{Does anyone remember them} So cute boy and I went. I don't remember much from that night, except when they asked if there was anyone out in the audience who has been seeking to know if Jesus was real, listening to others and listening to songs trying to get who this Jesus was. The guy was talking to me, and I knew it. I left cute boy in the stands and went down and met and fell in love with Jesus.

Wow, that was hard. Picking 10 things that stood out in my long road to meeting Jesus. I didn't do it justice I'm sure. But He knows all the details that lead me to Him, and that's what's important.

I'm pretty sure most of you that happen to read this blog already know Jesus. But we come in contact with people everyday who don't. I pray you're letting Jesus show through you and that someone will see you and think, wow that person is different!

The Bus

2009-12-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter rides the bus to school every day.

She hates it.

I hated it too when I was in high school.

So of course I think she needs to experience it. It's like a rite of passage. It builds character. She'll appreciate her own vehicle so much more some day.

But some days I just feel so bad for her.

Like this morning when it is -2 degrees outside. Yes, you heard right. -2 degrees!

And there is ONE heater on the bus.

Now the good news is, her stop is the very first one so you'd think the chances of her getting the seat that the heater is under would be good.

Not so much lately.

There is a new family that started coming to our bus stop.
And one of the girls always takes the heat seat.

This morning, as we were sitting in the car waiting for the bus, my daughter was determined to get in line first and get the heat seat.

I tried to offer some advice;
"Just politely ask her if you can sit there today, and take turns or something."

"Mom, have you seen her? She's not exactly the sharing type!"

Honestly we don't normally judge people by their appearances.
But something in the way this girl looks, just screams don't mess with me!

So as the bus pulled up, my daughter flew out the door, and ran over to be first in line.

(I know, real Christian like behavior. But come on it's -2!)

As the bus doors opened, the ~~brute~~ girl stepped in front of my daughter and squeezed onto the bus first!

I couldn't believe it.

Part of me was so proud of my daughter for not getting into a knock down pushing match with this girl and totally ~~embarrassing me~~ getting hurt.
But part of me was sad for her.

If she's decided on her own to suffer and be Jesus to someone, then I support her.
But if she's suffering because she scared, I don't want to support that.

What should I tell her?

Pray about the heat seat? Yes, I know God cares about our needs. But I have a feeling He cares about this ~~bully~~ girl more.

Any advice?

The Baby

2009-12-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

My baby turns 6 today.

It makes me so sad, yet so happy too.

She has definately lived up to her place in the family, as the baby.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

I have pancakes to make. (her request)

I have last minute decorations to put up.

I have silver to polish (not really) and china to set out for our tea party later. (her request)

And I have presents to wrap.

But most importantly;
I have knees to go to and prayers of thanksgiving to give.

Children are a blessing and a gift and a mystery too.
Why some are given so easily into the wombs of some and stay there and do exactly what they're suppose to do and come easily into this world, while others never even have the chance to it make there, is a mystery to me.

A heartbreaking one.

Our childrens' health and our ability to have them and that God would even bless me with 3 beautiful daughters, with personalities and gifts that only He could know I needed, is beyond my comprehension.

So, most importantly it's to my knees I will go this morning and thank Him for giving me such a gift that I don't even begin to deserve.

Quirky Family rituals! Thanks Preacher's Wife.

2009-12-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

I am joining The Preacher's Wife today to share some quirky family rituals.
We don't really have any that seem too quirky, but I wanted to participate in this because I just love The Preacher's wife. She is very quirky. And I mean that with a great deal of respect.

I'm loving the word quirky. I need to add it to my list.

I think the most quirky thing we do is open presents on Christmas Eve.

Ok. I know. I know. Just calm down!

It started years ago when my husband and I first got married. His little sister has a Birthday on Christmas Eve. So we would go over to my In-laws house for a Birthday party and a Christmas party. Well, while we were there my MIL wanted to be able to give us our presents too, so we would open them. When we had our first daughter it was natural for her to open her presents from them then too. Now 3 kids later we still open the presents from them on Christmas eve. We do save all the other presents and stockings until Christmas morning though.

Do you guys have any quirky Christmas rituals?

Day #1

2009-12-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

Last night we put our #1's on 2 of our 3 Christmas countdowns/countups, the other is truly a countdown so it was set at 24 days left.

Ok. Did it take any other family forever to figure out what number we are on? It was the 1st and Christmas is on the 25th, how could it be at 24..........we had calendars out and fingers were counted. It was ridiculous. We do it every year.

And yes I homeschool and can't even do basic math. Whatever.

This year so many of you have such great ideas that you have shared in regards to Advent Calendars.

Is it calendars or calenders?

And yes I homeschool and also can't seem to spell.
Whatever.

Some of your ideas included having a small family activity attatched to each day; baking cookies, reading a Christmas story together, etc.

I love this and have stolen tons of your ideas. I did however come up with one of my own. kinda.

Last night's little paper said:
Sing Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is coming to town . together. Outside on the deck. Really loud.

I wish we more of a spiritual family that knew the words by heart to Silent night or something, but I knew we didn't and I thought printing out the words and handing them out and turning into a complete drill sergeant, would ruin the festive mood I was going for. So I went with some classics I knew we all knew.

At first everyone, and by everyone I mean my husband and teenager, bulked. My 5 and 9 year old were all over this!

But my cheery encouragement prevailed and out we all went. It was only 20 degrees out so we probably should have put coats on but I wasn't about to stop now.
At first the singing was quiet and everyone seemed nervous and giggly. But by chorus 2 of Jingle Bells we were belting it out!

We don't even have close neighbors so I don't know what the big deal was. I think it would have been even funner(totaly a word) if we did. I can just see people sitting in their living rooms watching t.v. and thinking they hear singing and stopping to listen for just a minute. Don't you think they would be smiling?

We sure were.
And wasn't that the point. smiles.

So, if you have sing a song together as one of your activities, why not try it outside for the whole neighborhood (or woods) to hear.

missing her

2009-11-30T09:28:00.000-08:00

I am missing my daughter this morning.

We had 5 full days of her, and only had to share her once.

I know I may go a little overboard with the whole missing her thing. She is only at high school after all. But when you spend almost everyday together for 14 years it is a total adjustment.

So humor me.

Wednesday: first day of Thanksgiving break, technically she slept in until noon, but I wasn't about to complain. And when she got up and wanted to make us all pancakes, I didn't have the heart to point out it was noon and that we had already eaten, so I just smiled and said sure!

Thursday: Thanksgiving! Again the sleeping until noon, but when my youngest finally couldn't take it anymore and went and crawled in bed with her, it was worth the wait. No pancakes today, she was ready for chips and dip.

Friday: We watched movies and played with the kittens, and I don't think anyone argued with eachother the whole day! Heaven!

Saturday: ok here's where things start to get a little ugly. When she woke up I asked her if she wanted to get the Barbie house out for the girls, and play Barbies with us....................
I think I pushed it just a little too far, because at that exact moment the phone rang and she sprinted to it as if her life depended on it!
So, yes she spent the day at a friends house, but she didn't want to sleep over, she wanted to come home and watch a movie with me. I tried not to cry.

Saturday: I helped her with some homework ( what kind of teacher gives homework on a holiday vacation?) we ate pie for lunch, went to the movies with some friends, ate pie for dinner.

Sunday: We spent a great day together as a family. I think I saw her Dad give her 2 or 3 hugs throughout the day, he obviously misses her too, just hides it better. That night she asked me to come help her pick out some outfits for the week. I tried not to cry. She knows this is my favorite thing to do and not always hers.

Just maybe she's beem missing us too.

I'm Thankful for complete strangers

2009-11-25T11:21:00.000-08:00

We do that corny tradition of sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner and going around the table and everyone has to say what they are thankful for. No matter how corny it is, I always end up crying though.

I guess there's nothing corny about being thankful.

This year one of the things I would like to say I am thankful for is blogging.

I can just see my family though, after I say this.

( cue crickets chirping..... )

They would think I had lost it.

But I know you would all get it.

So, imagine us all at a table together and it's my turn, and I'm saying I am so thankful for you. I can't wait until heaven someday and God shows you how that one story you told, that one scripture you wrote, that one picture you posted........... helped me that day.

Happy Thanksgiving

if you get bored.

2009-11-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

I just thought I would share a few websites that I think have the best information.

With my oldest daughter home for Thanksgiving break I will most likely be sleeping in! Yeah!
I normally get up at 6 am and take her to the bus. Yes, I have to take her to the bus.
We live out in the ~~boonies~~ country and the bus meets at one spot to collect all the ~~hillbillies~~ kids.

Who is loving the strikethrough button? me!

Anyway, I usually come home and have an hour to myself, and that is when I write and read blogs.
But the next few days I will be sleeping in! Yeah!

Already said that.

So I will leave you with some sites to go check out.

http://www.kids-in-mind.com/
This gives detailed information about what is in a movie, like how many bad words, intimate scenes, etc. I don't watch a PG13 movie without checking it out here first.

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php
This site is great if your trying to be as healthy as you can in regards to dangers in cosmetics. Like some mascaras contain mercury. I try and buy the most chemical free products I can. Please don't be hate me if it tells you your favorite lipstick is poisonious. Put in the lotion, makeup, shampoo you use in the search button and see the results.

http://www.slashfood.com/2009/09/01/candy-bar-id-quiz/
Ok this isn't really information, but it's fun. And I got every one right. That's sad.

http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/howto.html
I don't think you can actually start doing this until January, but I like to be prepared. Am I the only one that thinks this sounds fun? Teenage daughter thinks I am.

http://www.fairmont.com/banffsprings
I hope to go here someday. It's like a huge castle in the mountains. Breathtaking! Has anyone ever heard of this place or been?

Who is loving the linky button? me!

My computer caught Swine Flu

2009-11-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

Our computer caught ~~Swine Flu~~ a virus last week.
So, I wasn't able to get on the internet all week.
Oh how I missed you all.

That seems weird.

But I really did.

And my daughter about lost it, not being able to check everyones status on her Myspace.
And now she has a Facebook account too.

Those both make me nervous.

That seems weird too.

I go on there often with her and see what's going on and what her friends are talking about. I monitor her pictures she puts on there. I make her delete friends that are constantly cussing and being inapropriate.

It's kindof tiring though.

And she gets so annoyed when I ask to go on there with her and ask to see so and so's pictures , or ask "what does that mean when he says that..?"

But I figure if I'm tired and she's annoyed, I must being doing something right. :)

Gotta go.
I got lots of ~~catching up on your lives~~ reading to do.

Thank you

2009-11-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

I have a totally different post in mind that will have to wait for another day, because I just had to say this first.

Friday I played Kellie's carnival, just because I thought it would be fun and I really didn't have much to say anyway.

I got a few comments. (Yah! Comments are so fun!)
But what was said, well that just overwhelmed me.

I know that most of you have been blogging for awhile and truly get this whole community that is formed here. I actually started my blog over a year ago, but it hasn't been until recently that I get why I'm doing it.
I have done my share of leaving an encouraging comment or praying for a situation that I have read about, from the Mom who is feeling overwhelmed that day to a dieing Father I will never even meet until Heaven someday. It's been like a little gift for me actually, to be able to pray for people I don't even know. I'm a stay at home mom, homeschooling my kids, trying to be everything I can for my husband, and it doesn't leave alot of time to feel like I'm doing much of anything for the Lord. So being able to lift perfect strangers up in prayer,that's a gift.

Then I do this fun little carnival and God reminds me how much He loves me.
I was trying to make a point about my clean house, not solicit some prayers. But they came anyway.
This weekend everytime I looked at my husband, I just smiled. I thought of these beautiful women out there whom I've never even met, and said (to my self) they're praying for my husband! It was overwhelming, in a good way.

So I wanted to say thank you and tell this little tid bit for others out there going through a hard time, we're praying and God hears us. And lets keep encouraging and praying for each other, ok?

You could go here , to my sweet sister,and leave an encouraging word or a prayer. Or sometimes I go here and just pray.

If you came to my house today..................Thanks Coffee gal!

2009-11-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

If you came to my house today.........

Outside you'd see the tiny layer of our first snowfall.
Inside the fire would be going and the coffee pot on. (Well not really on, because did you know that leaving a coffee pot on uses tons of electricity!)But there would be coffee and vanilla creamer. Yes only vanilla, we're plain that way.
My dishes would be done. Counters clean too.
My laundry would be done.
Floors swept and maybe even mopped.
Beds made.
Toys picked up.
Desk in order and papers filed neatly away.

But before you hate me I want you to know me too.

I'm just a cleaning type of girl. If I came to your house I may just start sweeping for you or fold the laundry on the couch. It's just fun to me.

But before you hate me I want you to know me.

Just because my house is always clean and organized doesn't mean I'm not ~~sometimes~~ mostly a mess.

If you came to my house today.......

You might find my husband sitting outside worrying about his day. He is unemployed and worried about his future.
It might be chilly in the basement because the fire doesn't reach there and I'm too worried about the electric bill to use the heaters too much.
Kitchen's clean, but I probably am feeling guilty for not eating a better breakfast.
And as my two younger girls and I sit down to school in the office, we may have some tears from my struggling reader or we may choose to just color our turkeys all day.

I hope that if you came today you wouldn't think you were at house that had it all together. It may look neat but we're a mess. And that's okay! I love our mess and the knowledge of the ONE who is bigger than it.
Thanks for coming and wasn't the coffee good? Isn't vanilla the best?