Why? Why? Why?

I've spent alot of time thinking and rethinking about my first chapter review of Radical and although not skeptical anymore, still confused for sure.

Confused about what this means for me.
Living radical.

One of the biggest eye openers has been how the things I do relate to the building of the Kingdom of Heaven. What am I being Radical about and if theyll matter in Eternity.
I tend to get wrapped up in the every day things and the needs of people right now and not always see where a need may be for their souls.

When I read about Jesus dieing on the cross, in Chapter 2 (pgs. 34-36)
I had to stop and take it in. again.
I know why He died. Maybe lately I've just been focusing on and seeing just my own sins upon Him as He hung there. And believe me, my sins alone are painful to see.

He sweat drops of blood and begged for this cup to be taken from Him and as I read his words reminding us that it was about All of God's holy wrath and hatred towards sin and sinners, stored up since the beginning of the world, about to be poured out on Him, I saw and felt it. It's too painful to even imagine really.

Now Chapter 3 really got me.
On page 45 when he writes that we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power....
ummmm yeah...that slightly describes me. and I don't like it.

But then he goes on to quote my life verse.
"I am the vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I was first saved I read that scripture and the end is what really caught my attention.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.

All the things I do that have nothing to do with Jesus or his plans......... are nothing.

So why then am I doing so many things?
Why am I worrying about so much?
Why do I care way too much about what someone else thinks about me?
Why? Why? Why?

See the still confused part?

Trying to apply this book to my everyday life is hard but I want to. And wishing I wasn't so confused by it. Jesus was not confused as he prepared to die on that cross. He knew it was going to be unbearably hard and wished it wasnt so. But He was not confused.
I don't want to live confused. I want to live knowing that there are going to be some hard things I will have to do in the name of Jesus and yet boldly do them anyway.

RADICAL by David Platt

So I joined Marla's read along, and even received this book for free because of some of her very generous friends. Today we are all writing our posts on Chapter 1.

I am a skeptic.
About alot of things. Especially though, when it comes to books about Jesus.
I don't easily jump right on the bandwagon either.
I like to be skeptical and question and make sure it's God that's doing the talking to me.

So that's how I approached this first chapter. And to be honest, I still feel a tad bit skeptical.

What is it exactly I'm feeling skeptical about?

it's not about being RADICAL, but more of what exactly defines being RADICAL.

Because to be honest I feel like it could be different for all of us.

There are times in the Bible where Jesus was surrounded by thousands of people. Even at times reading about John the Baptist it talks about the crowds from all over the region going to him. The sermon on the Mount gives a picture of a huge crowd.
So, was Jesus not being RADICAL in those moments?

Are my friends, who work 2 jobs each so they can send their 16 year old daughter to a far away private school for gifted children, who someday wants to work at a neonatal hospital saving babies lives, not radical?

Am I, who chooses to stay in a marriage because I feel Jesus is telling me to, even though the world would look at my circumstance and tell me I have every right to leave, not radical?

Is my daughter, who chooses daily to not have a boyfriend or have sex before marriage, not radical?

I totally get what this Author is saying and I do feel that beginning tug at my heart. I would love to right at this moment sell everything I own and serve His world. Only I don't think that's quite possible right this moment and I just don't want to feel guilty about where the Lord has me right now. I don't want to feel like works and doing things for Him are all He is after. Because I can't work my way into His arms, I can just freely come into them.

I am clearly only on Chapter 1 and I, like the Author, may just end up with  more questions than answers at the end. And if I sound comfortable or maybe stubborn, I'm not worried, because Jesus has worked around that in me before. He is bigger and I will remain open to what it is He may be speaking to me through this book.


What do you think? Am I missing the point already?

Do I just sound selfish and scared?
Be honest, I can take it!  :)

Head over to Marla's blog and see what others have to say about this book.

It's been good, but hard

4 days of school.

It feels more like 4 years.

These have been the slowest days of my life. Time seems to stand still waiting for them to be done each day.

My middle girl(4th grade) is adjusting well. She's had one bad day so far. They had taken a timed math quiz and everyone finished except for her. She was crushed.
I later talked to her teacher and told her about how upset she was. Her response was very comforting. She said that there were other kids who did not finish as well and that even if she was the only one who wouldn't have finished it would not concern her. This was just a small quiz to see where the kids were all at. She told me she felt honored to be her very first public school teacher ever, that's never happened to her before. She told me that my daughter is doing very well socially and is very polite and funny and she can tell she will have many friends.

I already knew this about her. Her social skills are not what I was worried about. It's the schooling part that has always been hard for her and she knows that about herself. We've been doing alot of praying about just being aware of it. Not worried about it.

My youngest daughter (1st grade) seems to be doing good too. She does not tell me a thing though and it drives me crazy. I get lots of yes and no answers, and I need details!
She is a little more quiet and reserved and I imagine her playing by herself at recess and not talking at all in class.
I did get to go have lunch with her on Friday! I was so excited that I forgot to take a picture and I couldn't even eat my own lunch I had packed. But I didn't cry when I gave her a hug goodbye!

Today is Saturday and I am so glad to just be home and relaxing, well cleaning, but that's like relaxing to me.
Except the part where I was cleaning the office, which has always been our school room. I wanted to take the small table out that the girls sometimes did school on. Last year, for my youngest daughter who was doing Kindergarten, I had taped this cute long piece of paper on the table that had the alphabet on it. When I started to take it off, I started crying. Big tears dropped as I kept peeling the paper off. Tears are dropping now as I write this.
It's been hard.
Questioning myself.
Missing them.
Feeling so out of the loop about their day.
Wanting things in our life to be different.

But I'm relying on Jesus each and every day.
And my girls have made me so proud as I've watched them handle this major change in their lives.

Here they are on the first day of school as I walked them to their classes and made them pose with their teachers!

A change. A big change.

When I started this blog, almost exactly 2 years ago, it was because I was struggling a bit with the fact that my oldest daughter was going to public school for the very first time. I had been homeschooling her for the past 8+ years. When her little sisters came along I had homeschooled them also.

2 years ago I would have never thought that I would ever even consider sending my, now 4th grade and 1st grade, daughters to public school.

That is exactly what will be happening tomorrow.

Our life has gone through a change.
Maybe I have gone through a change as well.

I am so overly emotional and sad and quite possibly a little heart broken about it.
I have prayed for our circumstances to change.
I have prayed for the finances to send my little ones to a private Christian based school.
I have prayed for the desire and strength to be able to do it all, work and homeschool.

And the whole time I kept getting more job offers and kept getting introduced to some amazing people who work at the public school.

In the midst of my worrying and crying, I do sense enough peace about it though.

I am scared that this is the biggest mistake I could make.
And believe me, people have told me that. Satan has told me that.

But I am reminded by God, that He was not scared when He knit these sweet babies together in MY womb. He saw this day already. He didn't do anything to stop it.

So tomorrow at around 8am, if your out and about dropping your own children off at school or standing at the bus stop with them or sitting down at the table at home with them I could sure use your prayers.

Real

I was trying to think about what I wanted to share about from my family vacation.

Most of the things seem too personal.

My Dad's drinking
My Dad and Step Mom bickering and arguing
Step brother being very ill
Niece going through a breakup
Worrying about my sister, yet celebrating a victory with her
My oldest daughter missing her friends and pouting the first few days
My middle daughter missing her swim meet
My youngest daughter.........

ohhh this one's good.......

We missed seeing everyone last year. My step brother and his family, we didn't get to see at all.
My nephew is 16 this year, so 2 years ago when we last saw him he was 14. Boys change alot from 14 to 16. I almost didn't recognize him. And my youngest daughter didn't recognize him at all.

They are 10 years apart but have still had one of those bonds that just draws you together. He is silly and crazy and active and has just always made her laugh. She usually just wants to follow him around, and he has always let her.

When we first got there and I told her to go say hi to him. She would not. He was tall and looked so different and had a really deep voice.
One night as we were all sitting around together after dinner, and she leaned over to me and whispered....
"Where's the real Drew?" 

In her mind this boy we kept calling Drew was not him. It was like she thought we had given her an imposter. She wanted her real cousin. The one she remembered.

Everyone thought it was so cute she had said that. We told him about it and I think he made more of an effort to spend time with her after that. And it didn't take long, after she finally gave him a chance, to see her laughing and following him around again.

It got me thinking about my own self. The real me. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror or a picture and I ask that same question. Where is the real me? Or I'll look at my sister or my Dad and feel concern for them, but after spending some one on one time with them, I find them. The real them. That part of ourselves that is the real us. Our hearts, humor, love, connection. It's all right there, no matter what's going on on the outside.

God knows the real me. He knows the real you. And He loves us.


Inspite of all the family drama I did find myself laughing more about it this year. Letting things go that sometimes linger in my mind and end up causing pain.
I'm so thankful for time with my sister and special moments with my family.

Ahhhh Family....

Off to spend a week with my family.

For those keeping track;

That's my Dad, my Step-Mom, Step-sister Sister and her kids, Step Brother and his girlfriend wife girlfriend and his kids and her kids, and a half Uncle and his wife and their kids.

A week. 7 days.

My Sister and I are the only ones who have given our lives to Jesus.

This week in the past has been hard.
There is just so much baggage and family issues that were never dealt with and they all seem to surface somehow when we're all together. 
All my sister and I want to do is be a witness to our family of God's love, and it's hard.

So would you pray for us this week.
Pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus and that we're able to see our family only through the eyes of Jesus and not through our own hurt childish eyes.

Hoping to come back with at least one funny story testimony.........

My middle is turning 10

Joining the 10 on the 10th party.

And it's all about my middle daughter who is turning 10 this month!


1. She has been active since day one. When I was pregnant with her, I swore I was having a big football playing boy. She just never stopped moving and kicking and punching and rolling. But now that I know her, I know she was dancing in there.

2. She loves to dance. She takes ballet classes right now but recently has been asking about other types of dance classes. She is currently working with my friend's daughter, who was on the dance team at her high school, they are making up a dance for her and she wants to enter it into the talent show at the fair later this month.

3. She has struggled with reading and spelling, but she is determined to not give up. In fact one of her favorite things to do is write. She is very imaginative and is always making up and writing stories and songs. There are notebooks all over the house from her.

4. She is athletic and very competetive. Which is amazing when it comes to sports but not so much when we are playing board games at home. But she is learning that sometimes just playing the game and having fun is just as rewarding.

5. She is very laid back and friendly and easy going. She doesn't seem to be bothered by much. She gives in to her some what demanding younger sister alot. It takes alot to ruffle her feathers and make her mad. As I'm typing this, I can't even remember the last time she was mad about something.

6. She can worry though. And be scared. But she is often the first to call on Jesus and just start praising His name when something is wrong.

7. She has big beautiful dark brown eyes. When I look into them it's like looking into to her Dad's eyes.

8.She is overly dramatic a born performer. When the power goes out we often ask her to entertain us. She is funny and silly. I don't always get her humor but she can make me laugh like no other.

9. She's an outdoor girl who hates bugs. When she was a toddler and she couldn't go outside, she would climb up on the back of the chair that was in front of the window and sit and stare out. She taught herself how to ride a bike without training wheels at age 6 and wouldn't come in until she got it. She turns sticks into magic wands, grass into food, and blankets into forts. But if a bug gets too close to her she'll come running into the house in a panic.

10. She loves Jesus. She almost always ends her prayers with ....
 " Jesus please come back soon or let me come to you. I just want to see you so bad."

Happy Birthday my sweet middle girl!

A summer update of sorts and memories

The girls survived their first ever out of country camping trip extravaganza.

They did things like scour the tiny town for a store that had marshmallows only to get back to camp and be too scared to venture off in the dark in search of sticks to use to roast them over the fire.
So they improvised, taking forks and sports tape and extra tent pegs to make their own.

It makes me smile thinking about her someday looking back on that weekend.

memories.


This weekend is my the girls'  last swim meet of the summer.
Well, there is one more, but we are choosing to skip it and spend the week with my family back on the coast. My parents and my sister and step-brother's families and maybe even some more extended family I have not seen in a few years, since moving.

Some memories are just more important than others sometimes.


My oldest daughter took the written part of the driving test today. She also took it 3 days ago and didn't pass but we are not mentioning that part. She passed! and is chomping at the bit to take the driving test.
I am not.
I still have memories of her riding in the car next to me ( before the whole stay in the back seat until your age 12 law) using a frisbee to pretend she was driving too.

Some memories make you cry.

Apparently she thinks she can travel the world now

My kids are all on a summer swim team.
We've been doing this for 6 summers.

Ours is a little different in that we actual belong to a Canadian group, eh.

We are the only American team. It's pretty neat really. Like at all the swim meets they always sing our National Anthem for us.

It's kind of a World Peace thing happening in our small part of  the world.
2 Countries. 1 team.

So there is another swim meet this weekend.
It's far away.
No Hotels.

We've never been to this particular meet. It's far away and I usually am starting to get burnt out by this point.

Cue my daughter.
Her and her best friend and their other friend,who happens to be an assistant coach this year, all wanted to go.
Alone.

They came up with a plan.
Camp.
Pack their own food.
Check in with the other swim team parents that would be there.
Call home each day.

Somehow we said yes.
To Canada. 3 teenage girls.
And one is 19. Isn't that the legal drinking age in Canada?

Thinking I might not get much sleep this weekend.

We shared a moment at the airport

I got to the airport only a half hour early yesterday. I had the 2 little sisters and the best friend in tow.
We were denied access to go right to her arriving gate.
how rude.
So we waited it out along a wall right where she would exit.
The anticipation of seeing my daughter kept getting to me, as in tears, and I finally had to go in the restroom and blow my nose.

As I came back out I noticed another Mom standing by my spot.
She was crying too.

I asked her if she was waiting for someone.
"Yes," she said "My Son." and she cried even more.
I told her I was waiting for my daughter.
Which made me cry. even more.

I asked where he'd been.
She said he and his wife have been in China for the last year.

"I haven't seen them in a year!  How long has your daughter been gone?"

"well only 15 days  which seemed really long until talking to you..."

We both laughed.

But then she handed me one of her tissues.
And said "When your a Mom, 15 days is a long time too."

Moms. Sharing tissues. It's what we do.

Home

My daughter is almost home.

Her plane will be here at 1:03pm.

I haven't set eyes on her in 15 days.

When I try and picture her beautiful face in my mind you know what I see?

I see her little.  Her little chubby smiley face. Holding her little pudgy arms out to me to hug.

I have a feeling that's not what's going to be walking off that plane though.

Ok, gotta go. It's 6:20 am. Is that a little too early to head to the airport?

Desire and Despair

This was in my email in-box this morning...........


Tuesday, July 13, 2010



Life Without My Closest Friend


"Despair," wrote James Houston, "is the fate of the desiring soul." Or as Scripture says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Prov. 13:12 NLT). How agonizing it can be to awaken desire! Over the past year I have wrestled deeply with what it means to go on. God has come to me again and again, insisting that I not give up the dream. I have ranted and railed, fought him and dismissed him. It feels crazy to desire anymore. What does it mean to live the rest of my life without my closest friend? I think of Lewis and Clark, those inseparable wilderness explorers, how we cannot think of one without the other. Lewis said of his companion, "I could neither hope, wish, nor expect from a union with any man on earth, more perfect support or further aid in the discharge of my mission, than that, which I am confident I shall derive from being associated with yourself." I know I shall never find another like him.





But I am not alone in this. Most of you will by this time have lost a parent, a spouse, even a child. Your hopes for your career have not panned out. Your health has given way. Relationships have turned sour. We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don't know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner. After we've taken a few Arrows, dare we even desire?

Something in me knows that to kill desire is to kill my heart altogether.






(Desire , 22-23)
John and Stasi Eldredge 


Desire and despair. I think I knew they usually go to together. But what really got me was this line;

how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner.

How do we live this. It's hard. But the alternative, to live with no desires in your heart, well I would have to agree, it would kill my heart altogether.

And with your best friend by your side, like Lewis and Clark, there is no turning back.
I like that.
Jesus is to me as Lewis is to Clark. You can't think of one without the other.

A review and an idea

I just read

The Time Traveler's Wife
by
Audrey Niffenegger


I did not see the movie awhile back but I had really wanted to.

I thought the book was...........weird.
I loved the idea; Time travel, a timeless love story........
but it was kinda slow and at times pointless and what really got me was the language and the s. e. x., like it just seemed a little much at times....

So this brings me to my idea.........
I think books should totally have a rating system like movies do.
It could be small little square in the back with a G to an R and tell you why; how much bad language, how detailed s. e. x. scenes were described......etc.

I love to read. I read alot and I can read fast. I love all kinds of books. But I do try to be careful with what I read, just like what I watch. I rarely watch a rated R movie. It has to be something I really want to see, but at least with  a movie I can be warned about what I may see and make my decision beforehand.

What do you think? Good idea or totally breaks some kind of free speech writers rule?

POST 100!!!!!

So, it's my 100th post and I like to keep traditions.
This is still a tradition right?

Here are 100 facts about me.
I like how I started this blog to be about my oldest daughter and now it has quickly become all about me.
I don't think she'll be that surprised when she reads this someday!

Be prepared.

For what? I don't know...boredom, shocking facts, who knows....you let me know, k!

1.  I was born in a cabin (not a hospital)
2.  My middle name is Friend
3.  We then lived in a Teepee (or Tipi) seriously
4.  My parents were obviously hippies
5.  My Grandma used to come and get me and take me home and give me baths.
6.  I went to South America when I was 1, with my hippie parents.
7.  I have no idea what we were doing there, and it's not something I can get
     either of them to talk about     
8. There is a rumor that I was almost stolen because some people there had
     never seen a white, blonde haired, blue eyed baby
9.  My Mom left there soon after that

Wow this sounds pretty exciting so far.........

10. My parents divorced.
11. My Mom became an alcoholic and lost custody of me, I think I was 4
12. My Dad was actually not in much better shape, just hid it better
13. I spent alot of time with my 2 Aunts, secretly wishing one of them would
       adopt me
14. My Dad had lots of girlfriends
15. I wanted every one of them to be my Mom
16. When he finally met the one that would become my Mom, I wanted nothing
       to do with her. I think my little heart was already hardened
17. I saw my Mom on and off during this time and never gave up hope of
      living with her
18. She has chosen a lifestyle to lead that I still cannot really talk about

okay now this is just sounded too sad.......

19. My favorite t.v. shows were Wonder Woman, Bionic Woman, and The 
      Muppets
20. I wanted to be a spy when I grew up
21. I lived with Dad, Step-Mom, Step-Sister, Step-Brother
22. I loved my Step-Sister
23. I used to sneak into her room to look at her stuff
24. I used to borrow her clothes without asking
25. I would spy on her and her friends
26. I would spy on her and her boyfriends
27. She really did not love me during this time
28. I made friends easy as a kid
29. But I was really shy
30. I was good at school but hated it
31. My favorite class in high school was English
32. It was the only class I actually tried to do well in
33. I lived with my Mom for part of my Junior year
34. I was not getting along with my Step-mom and Dad
35. My Mom tried to be "the Mom" but she was really more of a friend
36. I needed a MOM
37. That summer I lived with my Grandparents in Bellingham
38. I got a job as lifeguard at the kids pool
39. I spent the whole summer watching Moms with their kids
40. God started doing something in my heart
41. I went back to school my Senior year determined to be different
42. But I didn't know Jesus so I fell right back into my old ways
43. I was voted my Senior class Rebel      seriously
44. And Best Eyes
45. They said I couldn't have 2 in the year book, so they took the Best Eyes
      away
46. I am still a little bitter about that
47. I met my husband that year in Art class
48. He was a Junior
49. We tried dating
50. He got back together with an old girlfriend
51. We spent the next year just being friends
52. I moved out with my best friend right after we graduated
53. I was too scared to go to college
54. I worked full time in the cosmetic department of a drug store
55. I was promoted to Manager soon after
56. My friend moved back home
57. I stopped partying and work became my life
58. That same guy wanted to move in with me
59. I said no
60. Then I said yes
61. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 20
62. We got married and i got pregnant on our Honeymoon
63. I quit work
64. God showed me how to be a Mom
65. I had trouble getting pregnant again
66. I thought my daughter would be the only child I would ever have
67. I chose to Homeschool her so I could spend as much time with her as
      possible
68. After a 2 years of keeping track of the dates and my cycles I finally threw
      the calendar away and stopped
69. I got pregnant the next month
70. I went to the hospital one night with severe cramping and pain
71. The doctor told me I was probably having a miscarriage
72. My Mother-in-law was there and she prayed over me
73. I didn't miscarry
74. I went into labor one night and by the time we got to the hospital, 10
      minutes away, I was ready to have her
75. The E.R. doctor had to deliver her
76. When my 2nd daughter was born she was not breathing and was blue
77. The doctor took her and they spent 3 minutes trying to get her to breath
78. She did
79. This middle daughter of mine still keeps me on my toes!
80. My 3rd pregnancy was a total surprise
81. We moved across our state when I was pregnant
82. We lived in a one room cabin for a year and a half while we built our
      house
83. Then we lived in a tee-pee
84. Just kidding, seeing if you all are still paying attention
85. We really did live in the cabin though
86. It was fun
87. For awhile

okay here we are at pretty much present day...what can I tell you about myself....this is hard..........

88. I am still shy
89. I have lots of freckles
90. My still love my step-sister
91. Only now she does love me back
92. I love to read
93. I love to write, but it's hard
94. I have had dreams that have come true
95. Like real night time, sleeping, and you dream some thing about someone you know and then later it comes true.
96. All my childrens books I have written came to me at night
97. I love Jesus and can look back at my life and see His hand in it even when I didn't know Him
98. I love castles and hope to see some real ones someday
99. I love to clean and would even do that as a job
100. I hope God is not done with me yet, I have so many things deep down in my heart and even though they seem hidden and locked up right now, I pray that someday He will let them loose and use me.


Thanks for reading all this.
Was it boring?
Shocking?
Sound familiar?

Your turn. Tell me 100 things about yourself in the comments!!
No time for 100? Ok how about 1 or 2?
Or what you'd like best from my list?

A Quote

Just wondered if anyone else needed to hear this amazing quote from Joel Osteen.
He didn't tell it to me in person, I just read it this morning.


The depth of your past is an indication of the height of your future.


I know my past is my past, but somedays it's there all to easy for me to remember.
This quote grabbed me this morning. Reminded me that it was all just a starting point for what God was going to do in my life.
Is still doing in my life.
That He would show me just how far He would take me from the past. How high He will lift me from my sins.
I am keeping my eyes up today.



For more daily encouragement from Joel Osteen go here.

Aloha. That means hello and goodbye.

My oldest daughter is off to Hawaii.
Her Grandparents took her and my sister's daughter.

I just spoke to her as she was about to step onto the plane.
She's never been on an airplane before.
She's never been away from home for 2 weeks before.
She's never experienced so much newness before without me by her side.

If my posts are a little sappy the next 2 weeks you'll know why.

I'll be missing her like crazy.

Aloha.

He used a thunder and lightning storm to remind me

Last night we went to bed.
All of us.
At about 7pm.
We have been leaving the house at 6 am every morning.
My husband to a job. Yes, Prasie God!
And the rest of us to go swimming.

Yes I said swimmimg, at that ridiculous hour of sunrise.
The girls are all on a summer swimteam and that's just when they practice. We have been doing it for 6 years so it seems so normal to me. But typing it just now reminded me of how crazy it really is.

Anyway.......
We were all in bed, most of us sleeping, when an amazing storm started.
It was amazing because the lightning was so bright and doing crazy things to the sky. And the thunder? It was loud and long.
It woke me up.
Then it woke my middle daughter up.
She was scared so I got up to go lay with her.

I love thunder and lightning storms. Sometimes they still make me a little nervous though.
I once heard someone describe it as God showing us a glimpse of His power.
I love that.
I was trying to soothe my daughter by telling her it was okay and that it was just God's power and to think about how amazingly huge and powerful He is.
I was also trying to get her to go right back to sleep.

But my husband wanted her to come watch the storm with him.

I kept saying NO.
She needed to go to sleep. We have to get up at crack of ridiculous dawn  5:45am. Absolutely not!

Then I heard it.
That small whisper of the Lord's voice.
He was reminding me of the way I want to live.
The way I say I want to live.

Life isn't about schedules, and keeping appointments, and my rule book.

It's about experiences and moments and opportunities.
And they usually happen right when you are trying to keep things running smoothly and on your own time schedule.

So I stopped worrying about tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow never comes.
I let my daughter get up out of bed and go get in bed with her Dad and lay the wrong way in the bed and watch God's amazing power be displayed as if it were just for them.

I stayed in her bed and listened to them talk about the storm and about God and didn't worry one bit about her being tired in the morning. I prayed that God would keep reminding me of how I say I want to live and that I will actually do it.

Hoping you seize the moments today.

Ballet

When I was little my Aunt had a ballet studio. everytime I would visit her, I would borrow tights and a leotard and go to class with her.
I wish there was video of me attempting the class, because I'm sure it would be funny.
But I loved it.
I'm not sure if it was because I just loved my Aunt so much or if it was the music. There is just something so beautiful about classical music that just makes you feel like you're dancing so graceful, even though you aren't.


I have had all 3 daughters in ballet as soon as they can point their toes.

Daughter #1 was done with it around 8, no matter how much I begged her to keep trying, it just wasn't for her. So I agreed and we set off in search of the next thing for her.......

Daughter #2 loved it for the first couple years, but she is so active and competitive that ballet is just not really at her speed of things. Every year she says can I be done with ballet? But then she remembers something.

The recital!

Make up and glitter and a stage.
Those 3 things are right up her alley.

Daughter #3 seems like she might be the one to stick with it for a long time.
She is tiny and a perfectionist and has a long neck. ok her feet have a natural turn in, which actually is not all that great for ballet, but I force her to do turn out exercises daily.
not really, just kidding.

The day may come when all my girls stop going to ballet and I'll have to pack up the all the pink tights and leotards. And I'll hang all their tutus in my closet and pray for granddaughters.

But for now I have two beautiful, my idea of perfect, exactly what I always hoped for ballerinas.

I have been MTA

I was going to say MIA, but I'm not really missing in action, I'm missing the action. As in having no time to read all your blogs!



I have worked sat and cuddled not just 1 beautiful baby boy this past two weeks, but 2!
I am in baby heaven.

But I'm missing all your news and missing writing about things here, but will catch up when I can.

But I had to post at least this lame post because it's getting me closer to my 100th post!
You know, the one where I get to list 100 things about myself!
Aren't you so excited?

ha ha!
We bloggers.......it's really all about talking about ourselves.........right?

My Step-Mom Mom sent me this in an email this morning and it made me cry.
Maybe because I am so busy right now, which is not really me living in my most comfortable personality. And when I am overly busy I get nervous that I am missing the things that are the most amazing and truly important in my life.

I'm hoping that I am still taking the time to enjoy life and to see life. And that I'll have time to be back here soon and share.


The following article may not even be true. But it could be.




Interesting..........and a truth to ponder.


____________________________________









PERCEPTION



Something To Think About...





THE SITUATION

In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.



About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.



At 6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.



At 10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.



At 45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.



After 1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.



This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.



This experiment raised several questions:


In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?


If so, do we stop to appreciate it?


Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?



One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:


If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made...



How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Love & War. What I really learned.

I'm hoping this book did change my life. I know it did right this minute, but I'm hoping I still hold some of these lessons close, years from now.

Because the main thing I learned is that marriage is hard.
ok, I already knew that.


But even though I already knew that, it's like I've been waiting for it to get not hard.
It's just going to be hard. To the end.
I just need to learn how to deal with the harder times in a way that brings us through them, so that the better times are so wonderful they make you remember why your fighting for this marriage.

Their top 3 things that would most help a marriage.

1. Find life in God. 
2. Deal with your brokenness. 
3. Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

I feel good about #1. I have found my life in God and Him alone. I thought maybe that was enough. And it is really, but marriage is such a unique amazing thing that there is just more to it.

I felt like I had dealt with my brokenness. Forgiving others, myself, moved on from it....But I never really put how my brokenness has made me deal with things. Things like fear, doubt, self reliance.....The way I deal with alot of things in my marriage are direct results from my brokenness and God wants me to change and deal with them the way He wants and knows is best.
This hurts and is hard. But the fact that He has opened my eyes to it, tells me I can do it.

I have always known that the enemy has wanted to attack my marriage. It's funny though before I read this book I thought the title, Love & War, was about a marrige that had love in it and war in it. The war they're talking about is the enemy.
He is waging a war against us. Constantly.
We forgot this a little bit. More often than not we have been fighting eachother instead of the enemy.

Satan hates marriage.
His first attack, was to destroy Adam and Eve's marriage.
That gave me chills when I read that.  When I realized it was all to destroy the marriage.



Praying together.

When your upset with your husband praying with him is the last thing you want to do with him.

Praying together is an intimate encounter; it will cultivate intimacy and companionship in your marriage--we are in this together.    It's like sex.
pg. 128

Wow, I never thought about how intimate praying together really is with your spouse. But it's so true. I know that when we have taken the moment to hold hands and bow are heads together and agree to pray and ask God what to do, it draws us so close. I always want to hug him or crawl in his lap and cling to him so that I don't lose this moment we're having.

I can see this is an area we need to work on. Making a conscience effort to bring everything to God right now. We are easily worked up when we are just trying to discuss the simplest of things, which is exactly satan's plan, so I'm hoping to realize this quicker and just stop and pray together. About everything.


Love & War
by
John and Stasi Eldredge

It's a must read. For a troubled marriage and even the not so troubled. It will cheer you on as you walk through your marriage and encourage you that the marriage you always dreamed of is completely reachable, and we can put Satan in his place while we do it.

Changes

I have been busy this past week.

My husband has not.

I'm not sure where God's going with us right now, but as always I am trying to just trust Him.

I have been praying for work for my husband for the last year and now it is I that is getting offers for work.

This isn't what I had planned.
I want to be able to stay home and homeschool my 2 younger daughters.

Doesn't it seem a little cruel for me to be getting job offers right now when it's my husband who needs the work?
Does God really want me to put my daughters in public school?
Does He really want me to work more outside the home?
Am I being punished for being in such debt in the first place?
Why can't God just answer my prayers the way I pray them?

I know why He can't.
Because I am such a royal mess and I am not in control.
He is.
So I'm yet again trusting the plans He has for us. Faith is trusting when you don't see the answer ahead. I know this. I love having faith to rely on, not myself. It reminds me to stop trying to figure it all out and just enjoy the ride.

There seems to be some changes brewing in the air and I have no idea what I will do about some things.
But this I do know.
I love my Savior Jesus Christ and He loves me. When we first met our relationship was all about changes. Changes in me.
So yet again I will trust what it is He has in store for us.

17 years. To the day.

I am spending my Anniversary reading.
A book I was given for free. About Marriage.
The title is Love and War. I was sold on the title alone. That would seem to be a pretty acurate description of my marriage. Love and yet, such War.

I am only 50 pages in and already I can tell this might change my life a little. Maybe a lot.

The main theme so far  is;
It can be done.
And it is so worth it.
pg. 7

Honestly I have had a hard time believing that lately.
If I, a relatively patient, kind hearted, giving person can't make my marriage work how can anyone else.

I remember the sun filtering through the windows: a beam of light falling across the table between us. But it felt like a wall of glass. I was on my side, he was way over there. It was only a foot or so, but he felt miles away to me.
pg. 9

I was utterly lonely - and to be lonely in your marriage is the loneliest feeling on earth.
pg. 10

Sadly yes, these are my feelings too. It's hard to admit. I like putting on a front and a painting a picture of having it all together. I can't stand for people to feel sorry for me. But years of not dealing with issues, which is exactly how I deal with issues, has left me feeling more alone and lost than ever.

I wondered if he even saw me. Something was broken. I needed comfort and relief and I turned to the Drive-thru to find it. Packing on the weight sent a message to him that was clear and strong. I am leaving you. You are not worth being beautiful for.

Okay ouch. Just ouch.



Marriage is hard, sometimes painfully hard. Your first Great battle is not to lose heart.
pg. 21

I am not much of a fighter. But I am beginning to see that walking with the Lord requires much battleing. And honestly I don't want to. But that's not reality. Just like any great accomplishment it requires a certain amount of fight to reap the rewards.


But here is where this book starts to really grab me.

I'll wager that 90% of the confusion, misunderstanding, struggle, and disappointment in marriage is due to the fact that we don't understand what God is up to.
pg. 31

Marriage is a rushing stream God uses to shape us into more loving people.
pg 43

He (God) lures us into marriage (with a complete opposite) and then uses it to transform us.
pg 48


I am seeing that this whole time I thought my job was to change and help and save him (my husband) but maybe it's been the complete opposite. This whole struggle we've been having is to change, help, and save myself.

Could God actually have given me this specific husband who has had some major issues and struggles so that I might be transformed. Learn to battle instead of hide. Learn to believe in myself instead of always doubting.

I feel like a light bulb is starting to go off. A light that the world would not recognize. If most knew the real issues in our marriage I am almost sure they would all say to leave him. But I just know God has to have a much better ending than that in store.

I hope to spend the rest of this weekend reading this book and hopefully will have much more to  say about it learn.

The gift of song

I won a CD from Life at 7000 feet!
Thank you Meredith, this ones for you.





My girls and I were in the car listening to music (as usual) the other day when a certain song came on.

As we were singing and listening to the lyrics I was thinking to myself (as usual) how I wanted to write the chorus down and paint them on a canvas or something and that it would make a beautiful gift for my daughters.

All of a sudden my oldest daughter says "I love this part, I so want to write this down and hang it in my room or something!"

I looked at her and just started crying (as usual) and told her I had just been thinking that same thing.

We shared a nice little moment over a song that held so much meaning in those few lyrics.

But you know what's even more amazing?

The CD I won this week, had that song on it!
When we listened to it today and heard that song we both just looked at eachother and were so excited.

Here's the part I / we wanted to write down

Be strong in the Lord
and never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
so don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
and thank God for each day
His love will find a way

The words I would say
           by Sidewalk Prophets


I also have to tell you about one other song on the CD that just touched me so deeply today. I had never heard it before and when I did, I lost it. (as usual)

Sometimes, well most of the time, I can't really grasp just how much it is that Jesus loves me. Like, really loves me.
This song makes you think about that.
Not only His love for me, but who it is He is loving. I am flawed, a failure, scared and just so not worth it.  But He doesn't see any of that.

Here's the part of the song that made my heart ache and long to grasp His love for me.

I am the thorn in Your crown
     but You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
     but You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
    but You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
    but You love me anyway

You love me anyway
       by Sidewalk Prophets

If your struggling at all with grasping His love for you. Find this song. Listen to it and let Him speak to you. Let Him love you like no other.


Thanks again Mer!
 

A sweet sixteen like no other

My oldest daughter has a best friend that changed our lives.

It's just what she does.

When they first met at the age of 10, we had just moved here. 
My daughter had no friends here, we had just left all our extended family and friends, and she was trying out for the local swim team all by herself.

She really needed a friend.

She made 2 besties that year but this one stuck like no other.

Not only is this my daughter's best friend, but their whole family has become like family to us. Their Mom and I are the best of friends and this is the baby  
 I begged them to let me watch I babysit for during the week.

They are an amazing family that includes 2 adopted girls, currently a foster baby, and a Mom who teaches special education pre-school.

My daughter's best friend was turning 16 this last month and like most teenage girls wanted to do something extra special to celebrate.

Something special for others.

She decided that she didn't want any presents or parties or big trips planned for herself.
So, she asked her Mom if she could take 16 foster kids from our area and give them a day to remember.

I remember the phone call exactly.
My friend calling me, asking me for prayers to be able to pull this off.
It's not easy getting permission to take foster children places, and would they be able to find 16, and where would they take them, and is this all her daughter really wants.......

So, we prayed.
A few weeks later they received a phone call. Someone had tickets to the Circus coming to town, the same week as the birthday.
A plan was made and 2 weeks later 16 foster kids ages 4 to 11 were available.

Matching shirts were printed, goodie bags were bought and put together, a meeting before hand was thrown together to be able to meet all the kids.

At the end of that first meeting, a little girl came up to her and asked
"Why do you want to take me somewhere on your Birthday?"

She replied "It makes me happy to see you happy!"

I wish I could post a picture of the birthday girl and the kids at the circus. Her face is beaming with happiness.
The whole day at the circus adults kept coming up to her and her Mom and asking what was going on with this group, and after telling them about this 16 year old girl and her one birthday wish, most were left speechless! Some even cried.

She makes me think about my own happiness and about my own wishes.....

And her simple statement of
"It makes me happy to see you happy."

I couldn't agree more.

Anniversary 10

This month is my 17 year wedding anniversary. I thought I should do something in honor of that.

10 things about the our wedding day.


1. we didn't have a family church at the time of our wedding so I just picked a church near our home town that was beautiful on the outside and the sanctuary was big and beautiful too. When I told my future Mother in law about the church she started laughing and crying and said that was the church they had gotten married at 20 years earlier.

2. The Pastor of the church had gotten sick and was going to be out for a few months and in his place was a lady pastor. My future husband thought that was weird to be married by a lady.
Is that weird?

3. The morning of our wedding I had my hair done at a salon. I hated it. When I got to the church I had to re-curl it and fix the clip.

4. I wore bright pink lipstick. I still have that tube of lipstick, I only wore it that day and I can't seem to throw it away.

5. The dress shop forgot to put the hoop-like slip I was borrowing in with my dress and I panicked for about 30 minutes until I put the dress on and found out I liked the way it fit better without it.

6. My best friend was my Maid of Honor and my sister was my other Bridesmaid. They wore bright pink dresses, pink shoes, and pink gloves.
I really wanted to wear a pink dress myself but no one would let me. I did however wear something else pink that no one saw!

7. My future little sister in law sang before the wedding. She sang, Saved the best for last by Vanessa Williams. This song still makes me cry.

8. After our "kiss" I turned to go back down the aisle even though the wedding wasn't over and had to turn back around, the whole church laughed.

9. After the ceremony the Limo driver was threatening to leave because we were taking too long with pictures, we ran out of food at the reception, My husbands great Aunt fell and broke her wrist and the ambulance had to come and take her away, someone had grabbed my 5 year old nieces 'Blankie' to use for the fallen Auntie and there was a brief panic when we found out it went to the hospital with her, Our car's sunroof was open and birdseed was dumped in the car, a few of my husband's friends got overly drunk on champagne and started causing a scene, we couldn't find the expensive cake knife and server I had bought so we had to use this ugly brown rusty knife to cut our cake.

10. I still remember looking across the room after only being at the reception for about 2 hours and locking eyes with my new husband and it being like we could read eachothers minds. We were both ready to get out of there and be alone. And we did.

Things may not have been perfect and looking back there are so many things I would have planned and done differently, but it is still one of the happiest days I have ever had. Those details that don't go perfect don't really matter, it's your wedding day! That fact alone is enough to make it the best day ever.

Mothers Day (part two)

I woke up this morning with a big smile.

I love Mothers day.

Because of 3 sweet girls.

I couldn't have chosen them any better if I'd have been given that chance. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me them.

They challenge me.
Bless me.
strengthen me.
encourage me.
remind me.
forgive me.

And right at this moment, they bake cinnamon rolls for me.

God took a day that held so much pain and turned it into a day with so much promise of His perfection.

I love how He does that!

Mothers Day (part one)

Holidays are weird for me. Even small ones like Mothers day, well maybe especially Mothers day.
I know I am a grown woman and a mother myself, but some feelings from childhood stay with you no matter how old you get.

I didn't have a normal Mom experience growing up.

I was raised by my Dad with only brief, skattered visits on and off with my Mom most of my childhood.
She was a great mom to me when I was a baby, gave me lots of love and cuddles and breastfed me for a long time.
But the trials of life were hard for her. Sometime between me being 2 and 4, alcohol became her life. At around 4 she lost custody of me to my Dad and instead of that being the wakeup call she needed, it only drove her deeper into the arms of Satan.
Those next few years were painful I'm sure, for both her and I.
I really don't have any memory of that time.

She would eventually stop drinking and I became part of her life again, but it was never really a Mother and daughter relationship.
She was someone I desperately loved and yet always felt so sorry for.
She was never really there for me as a teenager offering sound advice or a guiding hand, yet she was there.

The thing that makes me so sad today is that she can not forgive herself. It's all over her. She has tried to live a peaceful life and to be there a little more for her granddaughters than she was for me, but I feel it everytine I'm with her.
Her regrets and her shame and her loss. Our loss.

I have shared Jesus with her tons over the years and she has gone from not wanting to hear anything I had to say to listening with her whole heart and wanting to believe what it is that I'm saying.
I know only Jesus can comfort her broken heart and heal it. My prayer for her is always the same, that she would come to Him and be able to look into His eyes and hear Him say "You are forgiven" and that she would believe it.

Happy Mothers day to the first Mom God gave me. I was knitted together in your womb. Your womb. May you never forget that. I know that Satan messed up our past but I hold tight to the promise of a better future for us, God is not done with this relationship yet. May you never forget that.

Track

Remember when track first started and my daughter called home crying, a few times, and begged me to let her quit?

And I had to be that mean Mom and say No!

Sometimes being that mean Mom pays off.

Yesterday was a track meet and I got a call from a very happy girl who just wanted to call me and tell me how she got another  personal best time in the 100 yard race.
She was so happy and most importantly she was so proud of herself.

Of course her sister (the middle girl) kept trying to yell into the phone "Did you get first place? "
Because she's all about being first.

And no, she didn't get first, she most likely got last. But sometimes the race you have with yourself; your self doubting, scared, life's too hard self.....
means more than beating an actual other person.

I say it again, I am learning alot from this girl.

Counting

I'm still tired and overwhelmed.

Just being honest.

I want to be able to say that yesterday after I put worship music on, told Satan to get behind me, and read just what I needed to from His word that everything got right in my world.
But it didn't.

And that's ok.
I know that becoming a Christian hasn't meant my troubles have gone away. Quite the opposite really.
But those troubles, well, they just make me long for Heaven even more.

I am not usualy a downer type of person. My faith has gotten me through some tough things. So I started thinking about my faith yesterday and was reminded of exactly what faith is.
It is believing something that you don't see.
You can't possibly see the answer. Can't see it. Nowhere. Impossible. Not gonna happen.
I have a few things in my life right now that I see no way out of. Impossible outcomes.
And cue...faith.
I have to live my life like a crazy person. Live like I want things to be not how they are. Not denial, but delusional....maybe. That's what the world would say if they could get into my mind and see how I'm picturing things as they are.

I just forgot yesterday. Or maybe it is a little tiring when you're trying to figure it out all by yourself. It took most of yesterday before I would let Jesus talk to me. And He knew it and He just patiently waited. Finally I heard Him say count. Count your blessings, name them one by one. And if your problem list out weighs your blessing list, well then come talk to me.

So I started counting and I named them one by one. Every little thing that has made me smile since giving my life to Him.
And I'm sure you can guess that there wasn't enough paper or time in the day to write them all down.

And alot of those blessings are things I could never have imagined happening or seen coming.

I am still tired and overwhelmed. But that just means my measure of faith must be big.

And if I am ever shopping with you someday and I'm trying on size 6 clothes, just know I'm living life by faith not by sight!

Tired

I'm feeling overly tired today.

Not lack of sleep tired, but tired of things.

I'm tired of being on a constant budget for food and gas only to find I never stay on budget.

I'm tired of everytime I think we are getting caught up, there is an unexpected expense that just puts us further and further behind.

I'm tired of sending resume after resume for my husband and not hearing a single word.

I'm tired of my husband's lack of desire to go to church, to just seek.....to live for Him......

I'm tired of my oldest daughter's schedule. She's just go go go......

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I can't take her somewhere or get her something she needs.

I'm tired of staring at my calendar making sure I don't miss a scheduled payment or a scheduled date.

I'm tired of caring more about what the world thinks of me than what Jesus thinks of me.


I'm sorry. It's just been one of those mornings. I thought maybe if I wrote it all down and told myself I was going to publish it, that it would make me realize how faithless I am being. That it's just all silly stuff and I'd realize how blessed I am.
I do feel blessed.
I do have faith that someday none of this will matter and that Jesus is in control.

But right now it does still stink. I am still tired. And scared and confused.
How can I be of any use to the Kingdom of Heaven if I feel so tired and burdened? I can't seem to see through the fog that this is all for His glory. I can't seem to say "Praise the Lord...we're out of toilet paper...."

I'm going to go read some things now. Things about missionaries, child pornography, Compassion, misscarriages, cancer.........
And cry my eyes out and tell Jesus I'm sorry.
And hopefully be back tomorrow seeing my life through His eyes.

Sorry if things are spelled wrong. I'm also too tired to spell check.

How I met my house

I am joining
 OUR SUBURBAN COTTAGE
 today in what seems like a fun party!
How I met my house.
Go check out the other house 'Love stories'


We have lived here for 6 plus years. I was pregnant with our youngest daughter when we moved.
I do not recommend moving while you are pregnant if you can avoid it.

We lived on the other side of Washington State our whole lives and never thought about moving anywhere else until my husband started taking hunting trips to the Eastern side of the state.
He would come home and talk about how neat it was over there and how cheap the property was, compared to the prices of property where we lived.

So we started praying.

There were some problems with the property we had at the time and the county was going to charge us tons of money to fix it, and we realized all the money would be gone that we were planning on using to build our home.
During this time we got a letter in the mail from a realtor asking us if we would be willing to sell our place, as she had clients who wanted it.

That was crazy weird.

So we went over to look at property, well I went once because I was pregnant and tromping around land was not that fun.
On one trip over to see property, my husband met the realtor at his house and they set off to drive around all day to look at pieces of land that we had requested. On the way the realtor asked if he would mind stopping at another peice of property he had for sale as he was supposed to meet some other clients there to sign papers, as they were buying it.
When they got there, my husband really liked the property, but it was already sold.
2 weeks later, and back home, my husband was on the phone with the realtor and they started talking about that property. Turns out the other couple had to back out for some reason, and the property was for sale again.
My husband made an offer right then and there and then came to tell me about it.
I was a little freaked out, but I knew that God had planned the whole thing, so I just smiled and said....what do we do next?

There's a whole crazy story filling in the following year, living with my in-laws, having our 3rd daughter, moving across the state, living together in a 1 room cabin...........but we made it.

We picked our house plans out of a cabin book, mostly because we were looking for something unique and affordable. My husband built the whole thing by himself, with exception to the metal roof and the electrical and plumbing. He made us so proud!




Here is our house from 2 winters ago. I could not find a current one without snow. But i love this picture.

And here is our view, this looks to be around spring time.

Go over and enjoy some more house stories!

I hate Bad Mom days

Yesterday we went to Ballet, which my two younger girls do, and I forgot my middle girl's inhaler. She was diagnosed with sports induced asthma last summer.

Which just makes me so upset becasue she is my athlete.

I also forgot her ace bandage that the doctor told me to wrap her foot with during ballet, she hurt her foot awhile back and it's just not healing right.

So half way through ballet she came looking for me, I was over at the library(It's right next door to the dance studio) sitting reading a People magazine. She came running/hopping in, loudly banging the library door as she yelled for me. I think every person (other Moms) in there heard her say,

"Mom do you have my inhaler... I can't breath!"
(Don't worry, she can breath, she doesn't have asthma that bad but she was weezing a bit)
"And my foot hurts do you have my wrap? "

Ummmm No. And No.

" Well that's just great." As she marched/limped back to ballet.

Yep, just another one of those bad Mom days.

Death by chocolate

We have been talking about death.
It just seems to keep coming up.

First, our Mama cat has been missing for a week. When you live in the woods this is not a good sign. I finally had to tell the girls that she probably didn't make it.

Tears.

I tried to get them to picture her in Heaven sitting on Jesus' lap, and can't they just see the hint of a smile on her little whiskered face....
We then spent the next few nights talking about Heaven and dieing.
I don't want my girls to be afraid of dieing. We read in the Bible some scriptures about dieing.
To die is gain.........
Don't fear the first death, but fear instead the second.........
When Jesus says on the cross, today you will be with me Paradise...........

I think they felt a little better. They soon had a whole party going on up there with all our passed on pets.

Now my husband.
Lets just say he has been going through something.
About a week ago he woke up and felt extremely dizzy, weak and had a huge pain in a certain part of his head.
He thought maybe he was dieing.
He was in a car accident several years ago and hit his head, exactly where his head was hurting now.
I wasn't concerned.
he didn't really understand why I wasn't more concerned.
I tried to tell him how I knew God would tell me if something were really wrong. And honestly I knew he wasn't dieing. I just knew. Did I know what was going on though? No. Was God doing something? Maybe. Was it the flu? Maybe. Was it an attack from the enemy? Maybe. Was it a panic attack or migraine? Maybe.
All I know is that it was enough to scare him and make him realize that he was scared to die. And if he was scared to die than he realized he wasn't exactly right with God.
Because to die is gain............
There is no fear of the first death, but we need to fear the second death.........
What is scarey about being in Paradise.........

He's feeling fine now and we aren't really sure how to explain what happened to him. But he does have a new realization about his relationship with Jesus. I'm just praying It's a start to something bigger.


My daughter had a homework assignment this weekend.
To write her own obituary.
I said, "Oh how fun!" Because I think all her writing assignments are fun.
She was not that thrilled. "It's gross, who wants to think about themselves dieing?"
I was then like OK God what's with the theme this week?

So I tried to explain to her that it's not just about you dieing, it's about your life and how you want people to remember you and what you hope they will say about you.
I asked her how old does she hope lives to?

She said 100.

Ok and how do you want to go, something peaceful like in your sleep?

She said yeah and maybe eating chocolate!

I'm a little bit country

I was watching the CMA's last night with my oldest daughter.
She loves country music and has totally turned me, and now her Dad, onto it.

Can I just say Carrie Underwood's song....'Temporary home', made me cry. From her dress, to her own tears, the flower petals falling to the ground, and the words of that song. It was just a beautiful moment. And then at the end she quietly mouths Thank you Jesus. I just lost it.
Then she accepts her award and who does she thank? Not just Jesus, but her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
To have the privilege of being able to thank Jesus in front of that many people/peers and call Him your Lord and Savior, what a moment. 
I can only hope I would be so brave.

I just thought she deserved a shout out this morning. It was really beautiful.

Again about the turkey

My husband did get his turkey yesterday.

I was going to post a picture, but I didn't want to upset anyone by showing a dead bird on this blog.

The pictures are pretty funny though. The ones with our 2 youngest daughters posing in them. First of all it's 6:00 in the morning and their bed head is at it's finest. My middle daughter is in  her P.J.'s, ski coat, blue socks, and silver dress shoes. But the smile on her face and the thumbs up she is giving the camera is priceless!
My youngest daughter who isn't quite as smiley, because she was still sleeping and almost missed the whole thing, and her sister already took pictures without her.....It must be hard being the youngest sometimes. But she does have her arm around her Dad and is leaning her sweet little bed head on his big shoulder, as if to say, Dad I'm so proud of you!

We are girlie girls. We don't hunt, none of us have ever shot a gun. My middle daughter sometimes acts like she might want to, but then says no. We do however, support our man. Because he loves it. The whole reason we live where we do is because of hunting trips he used to take here, and he would come home and talk about how beautiful it was, and how much wildlife there was here. Yesterday he hunted in our own backyard.

There are alot of wild turkeys here. You are allowed 2 turkeys in the spring and then sometimes, when there is an abundance of them, they allow you 1 more in the fall. We don't eat them like you eat a traditional turkey from the store. We only eat the breast meat, which my husband usually smokes in the smoker and we eat it on sandwiches. I don't really like it that much, it can be tough and it does taste a little different than my deli turkey, but again I'm all about supporting my man.
Karen reminded me, so well yesterday, how God just put those differences in men. To hunt and gather and provide for their family. I know not all men hunt, but it's still there by the way they naturally work and provide for their families. I love seeing that, how God made us, men and women, so different. It's ok that I don't really get what he finds so exciting about hunting and why the length of the turkeys beard (yes, they have these weird beards)is so important. And It's ok that he doesn't get why I need 3 different brooms and 10 pillows on the bed.

It was so nice to see my husband excited about something. It's been a tough year for him. God put that desire in him to be the provider for his family, and not being able to do that in the way he is used to, has changed him a little.
I have seen God moving in his life though, and I can only hope and pray that even this tough part of his life is all part of God's perfect plan for him.

Turkey Lurkey

Today is the opening day of Turkey hunting in our neck of the woods.

My husband was up at 4:30 this morning and even made his own coffee. He then went to sit outside in the woods and wait.

Turkeys can fly. Did you know that?

They roost (I almost typed roast, ha ha!) up in trees at night and then sail down through the air in the morning.

That's what he's waiting for.

He's got some wings he made so he can imitate the sound of a flying turkey, in hopes that it will attract another one, he's got some little wood thing that looks like a toy, and it makes this loud screechy noise that apparently is supposed to sound like a female turkey.

Why am I telling you all this?

I have no idea.

I guess it's just what's going on around here today.

Happy Turkey day.

I received my first blogger award!

Thank you Mrs. Claus at Like Christmas every single day

Don't you love the name of her blog! And she has candy names for her kids, I just love that!

Acknowledging this award seems kind of silly, but honestly it's like a great big hug of encouragement, and I'll take that any day.

My only requirement is that now I have to share 10 honest things about myself.

Here ya go.

1. I still lay with my 6 year old daughter at night until she falls asleep. I know she should be able to fall asleep by herself and it's good for her and all that, but I can't help it. She is just so darn cuddly and still has that lingering baby smell.

2. I sometimes sneak into my daughter's room and 'borrow' some of her fancy hair products, because I'm too cheap to buy some for myself.

3. I  sometimes have to bleach  the hair on a certain part of my face. 

4. I have a scar on my throat from a surgery I had when I was just a baby.

5. I sometimes dream about being a missionary.

6. I get embarrassed easily and my face turns red at the weirdest times.

7. I homeschool my 2 youngest daughters and somedays I absolutely hate it.

8. I have written 5 childrens' books, they are currently tucked away in a filing cabinet.

9. I struggle with my weight. But am currently working on it.

10. I secretly wish I had another baby. A little boy.

Now the fun part is, I get to give this award (hug) to 10 11 other bloggers.

1. Inside Out (this is my sister and her heart is amazing)

2. Carpool Queen               (  makes me laugh everyday)

3. Jewels in my crown.... someday     (  is sassy and fun)

4. La Vida Dulce           ( cute, crafty, and loves coffee )

5. Life at 7000 feet                    ( likes to clean like me )

6. Marla Taviano            ( love her books and her heart )

 7. Momma's Soapbox              ( love her 'Rugrats' story )

  8. Such the Spot( Cutest Mom ever, and lover of Disney )

9. There's no place like Home ( has a PINK fireplace mantel )

10. Dirty Shame                        ( wish he was my Pastor)

11. Surviving Motherhood (her love for Moms and Jesus)

OK, now go give these people some love and I hope they play along with this award because I really want to know 10 honest things about them they so deserve an award!

The last quarter

This is the first day of the last quarter of my daughter's Sophomore year.
This made me cry this morning.

I can be a little overly dramatic sometimes.

But sometimes I can't help but think about things from a....this will never be happening again....standpoint.

This day will never happen again.

It's an ordinary day really, but filled with so much meaning.
I want to be a part of every moment of her life.
The extraordinaire and the ordinary.

I want to teach her to take the time and be thankful for moments of the everyday and make them into something special.

As I tried to hide my tears from her, because I knew how ridiculous they were, she hugged me and said "It'll be okay Mom. We'll get through this."

I know she was mocking me, but she sure has some wisdom.


What everyday event can you turn into something special today?

The 10th?

How is it possibly the 10th of April already?

10 things I wonder about.


1. What do the letters W I F I stand for in Free Wi Fi?

2. Why did the loaf of bread I always buy get smaller and the price go up?

3. Why is Diesel fuel more expensive than regular fuel, when it used to      always  be cheaper?

4. Why do you have to dissect a frog in order to graduate from high school?

5. Why was I not paying better attention when we  I named our youngest daughter?  Her initials are I.R.S.

6. Why am I rooting for the villians on Survivor?

7. How come I don't like texting?

8. How come I thought plucking out the gray hairs on top of my head was a good idea? Because now instead of a few long gray hairs neatly hidden amongst my other hairs I have these tiny, curly, standing straight up, gray hairs on top of my head.

9. If I use sunless tanner and age spot remover cream on my face at the same time what do you think will happen?

10. Ok, your turn. What makes you go hmmm...............

Please feel free to answer any of these for me!

My girls

I have 3 daughters.

They remind me daily that life is such a gift.

I saw Jesus at the Easter egg hunt

Saturday our small town had their annual Easter egg hunt in the city park.

I haven't always been a huge fan of these types of events, but it was free and our friends were going so I thought it might be fun. Plus it was free eggs and candy for the kids. It was also free.
sorry I'm just on such a budget these days that the word free makes me very happy.

They had the park sectioned off by age groups.
My youngest was in the 4 to 6 year old area and I had to stay with her because there was someone dressed up as the Easter bunny, and she was having a complete panic attack whenever he came to close to her.

Here's where I first saw Jesus.
We were standing around waiting for the whistle to go off when I hear my oldest daughter say "Mom, what is Dad doing here?"
I turned to look across the park where she was pointing and I see him, in all his camo glory, walking across the park waving to us.
I wanted to cry. Happy tears.
You see my husband just doesn't do these types of things with us. I'm not really sure why. Years ago he would have, but somewhere along something in him changed. He just usually lets me do all the busy activities with the girls. So seeing him there I knew he came just for the girls, and that made my heart so happy.
I saw Jesus in  my husband that day.


So, off my husband went to be with my middle daughter who was across the park in the 7 to 10 year old section. I was a little worried about her because it semed to be the largest group. Lots of 10 year old boys who looked like they were getting ready to go to battle.
This is why I usually don't like these types of things.
She did have her friend who was actually one of those 10 year old boys, but I thought maybe he would look out for her.

The whistle blew, and off they went. The 4 to 6 year olds were hillarious! Some knew just what to do, some ran straight across the park thinking this was some kind of race, a couple started crying while their parent kept yelling at them to just pick up an egg. It was comical that's for sure, and it was over in like 60 seconds.

Here's where I saw Jesus again.
As we walked to meet my husband and my middle daughter, someone told me that her friend (the 10 year old boy) was crying. Apparently he had gotten pushed and his bag fell, spilling all his eggs. The 2 boys that had pushed him then grabbed all his eggs. When I met my daughter I told her what happened and asked her if she could share a couple of her eggs with him. She got this look on her face, like she was thinking about it. Then she looked at me and asked, "Mom can I just give him my whole bag?"
I couldn't believe it. I said "It's your bag, you may do whatever you want to do."
I was trying to keep it together and act like this was just an everyday act, but I knew it was so much more. I was seeing Jesus in my daughter.

The look on his face when she went over and gave him her bag was amazing. And his Mom, my very best friend, had a complete meltdown. She of course made the scene that my daughter so deserved, and made sure everyone around us knew what she did. I knew it would have been ok too if she had done it quietly and hadn't been recognized for her action, because that just would have been a treasure she stored in Heaven. But it was amazing to see her loved on like that.

My husband and my middle daughter showed me Jesus this weekend. They reminded me that it sometimes is just the small selfless acts of life that can be the biggest picture of Jesus to people.

And my youngest had known exactly what to do when that whistle had blown, so we still went home with plenty of free eggs!