Back in the saddle again

Name that tune......


Well.
It's been awhile. So long that I actually couldn't find the italic button for like 5 minutes.
Found it.

I wish I had words to explain my absence, besides just being too busy. I actually have been extremely busy, but it's been more than that.
I tend to be an all or nothing type of do-er. I hate rushing through things and feeling like I'm trying to cram it all in. The blog part of my life felt like that for the last 5 months or so. I'd still open it up and peak into most of your lives blogs but rarely comment.
But I'm realizing that my all or nothing personality hinders me. It doesn't have to be that way.

I haven't talked to my sister in months. 
I've been busy and I want to give her my time and energy and a clear head and right now I don't have any of that. But maybe all she's needed is an I love you.

I haven't written here because I can't seem to have one inspirational thought that makes any sort of sense and I really don't want to talk about my life as I feel so confused about where I'm at right now. But maybe all I needed to write was a scripture for the day, tell you all to have a great day, or write down that small funny thing one of my daughters did.

I don't have to give my all, only what I have.

gonna go write my sister now. And maybe leave a comment or two.

A Quote

Just wondered if anyone else needed to hear this amazing quote from Joel Osteen.
He didn't tell it to me in person, I just read it this morning.


The depth of your past is an indication of the height of your future.


I know my past is my past, but somedays it's there all to easy for me to remember.
This quote grabbed me this morning. Reminded me that it was all just a starting point for what God was going to do in my life.
Is still doing in my life.
That He would show me just how far He would take me from the past. How high He will lift me from my sins.
I am keeping my eyes up today.



For more daily encouragement from Joel Osteen go here.

He used a thunder and lightning storm to remind me

Last night we went to bed.
All of us.
At about 7pm.
We have been leaving the house at 6 am every morning.
My husband to a job. Yes, Prasie God!
And the rest of us to go swimming.

Yes I said swimmimg, at that ridiculous hour of sunrise.
The girls are all on a summer swimteam and that's just when they practice. We have been doing it for 6 years so it seems so normal to me. But typing it just now reminded me of how crazy it really is.

Anyway.......
We were all in bed, most of us sleeping, when an amazing storm started.
It was amazing because the lightning was so bright and doing crazy things to the sky. And the thunder? It was loud and long.
It woke me up.
Then it woke my middle daughter up.
She was scared so I got up to go lay with her.

I love thunder and lightning storms. Sometimes they still make me a little nervous though.
I once heard someone describe it as God showing us a glimpse of His power.
I love that.
I was trying to soothe my daughter by telling her it was okay and that it was just God's power and to think about how amazingly huge and powerful He is.
I was also trying to get her to go right back to sleep.

But my husband wanted her to come watch the storm with him.

I kept saying NO.
She needed to go to sleep. We have to get up at crack of ridiculous dawn  5:45am. Absolutely not!

Then I heard it.
That small whisper of the Lord's voice.
He was reminding me of the way I want to live.
The way I say I want to live.

Life isn't about schedules, and keeping appointments, and my rule book.

It's about experiences and moments and opportunities.
And they usually happen right when you are trying to keep things running smoothly and on your own time schedule.

So I stopped worrying about tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow never comes.
I let my daughter get up out of bed and go get in bed with her Dad and lay the wrong way in the bed and watch God's amazing power be displayed as if it were just for them.

I stayed in her bed and listened to them talk about the storm and about God and didn't worry one bit about her being tired in the morning. I prayed that God would keep reminding me of how I say I want to live and that I will actually do it.

Hoping you seize the moments today.

The gift of song

I won a CD from Life at 7000 feet!
Thank you Meredith, this ones for you.





My girls and I were in the car listening to music (as usual) the other day when a certain song came on.

As we were singing and listening to the lyrics I was thinking to myself (as usual) how I wanted to write the chorus down and paint them on a canvas or something and that it would make a beautiful gift for my daughters.

All of a sudden my oldest daughter says "I love this part, I so want to write this down and hang it in my room or something!"

I looked at her and just started crying (as usual) and told her I had just been thinking that same thing.

We shared a nice little moment over a song that held so much meaning in those few lyrics.

But you know what's even more amazing?

The CD I won this week, had that song on it!
When we listened to it today and heard that song we both just looked at eachother and were so excited.

Here's the part I / we wanted to write down

Be strong in the Lord
and never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you
so don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
and thank God for each day
His love will find a way

The words I would say
           by Sidewalk Prophets


I also have to tell you about one other song on the CD that just touched me so deeply today. I had never heard it before and when I did, I lost it. (as usual)

Sometimes, well most of the time, I can't really grasp just how much it is that Jesus loves me. Like, really loves me.
This song makes you think about that.
Not only His love for me, but who it is He is loving. I am flawed, a failure, scared and just so not worth it.  But He doesn't see any of that.

Here's the part of the song that made my heart ache and long to grasp His love for me.

I am the thorn in Your crown
     but You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
     but You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
    but You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
    but You love me anyway

You love me anyway
       by Sidewalk Prophets

If your struggling at all with grasping His love for you. Find this song. Listen to it and let Him speak to you. Let Him love you like no other.


Thanks again Mer!
 

Mothers Day (part two)

I woke up this morning with a big smile.

I love Mothers day.

Because of 3 sweet girls.

I couldn't have chosen them any better if I'd have been given that chance. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me them.

They challenge me.
Bless me.
strengthen me.
encourage me.
remind me.
forgive me.

And right at this moment, they bake cinnamon rolls for me.

God took a day that held so much pain and turned it into a day with so much promise of His perfection.

I love how He does that!

Counting

I'm still tired and overwhelmed.

Just being honest.

I want to be able to say that yesterday after I put worship music on, told Satan to get behind me, and read just what I needed to from His word that everything got right in my world.
But it didn't.

And that's ok.
I know that becoming a Christian hasn't meant my troubles have gone away. Quite the opposite really.
But those troubles, well, they just make me long for Heaven even more.

I am not usualy a downer type of person. My faith has gotten me through some tough things. So I started thinking about my faith yesterday and was reminded of exactly what faith is.
It is believing something that you don't see.
You can't possibly see the answer. Can't see it. Nowhere. Impossible. Not gonna happen.
I have a few things in my life right now that I see no way out of. Impossible outcomes.
And cue...faith.
I have to live my life like a crazy person. Live like I want things to be not how they are. Not denial, but delusional....maybe. That's what the world would say if they could get into my mind and see how I'm picturing things as they are.

I just forgot yesterday. Or maybe it is a little tiring when you're trying to figure it out all by yourself. It took most of yesterday before I would let Jesus talk to me. And He knew it and He just patiently waited. Finally I heard Him say count. Count your blessings, name them one by one. And if your problem list out weighs your blessing list, well then come talk to me.

So I started counting and I named them one by one. Every little thing that has made me smile since giving my life to Him.
And I'm sure you can guess that there wasn't enough paper or time in the day to write them all down.

And alot of those blessings are things I could never have imagined happening or seen coming.

I am still tired and overwhelmed. But that just means my measure of faith must be big.

And if I am ever shopping with you someday and I'm trying on size 6 clothes, just know I'm living life by faith not by sight!

Tired

I'm feeling overly tired today.

Not lack of sleep tired, but tired of things.

I'm tired of being on a constant budget for food and gas only to find I never stay on budget.

I'm tired of everytime I think we are getting caught up, there is an unexpected expense that just puts us further and further behind.

I'm tired of sending resume after resume for my husband and not hearing a single word.

I'm tired of my husband's lack of desire to go to church, to just seek.....to live for Him......

I'm tired of my oldest daughter's schedule. She's just go go go......

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I can't take her somewhere or get her something she needs.

I'm tired of staring at my calendar making sure I don't miss a scheduled payment or a scheduled date.

I'm tired of caring more about what the world thinks of me than what Jesus thinks of me.


I'm sorry. It's just been one of those mornings. I thought maybe if I wrote it all down and told myself I was going to publish it, that it would make me realize how faithless I am being. That it's just all silly stuff and I'd realize how blessed I am.
I do feel blessed.
I do have faith that someday none of this will matter and that Jesus is in control.

But right now it does still stink. I am still tired. And scared and confused.
How can I be of any use to the Kingdom of Heaven if I feel so tired and burdened? I can't seem to see through the fog that this is all for His glory. I can't seem to say "Praise the Lord...we're out of toilet paper...."

I'm going to go read some things now. Things about missionaries, child pornography, Compassion, misscarriages, cancer.........
And cry my eyes out and tell Jesus I'm sorry.
And hopefully be back tomorrow seeing my life through His eyes.

Sorry if things are spelled wrong. I'm also too tired to spell check.

Death by chocolate

We have been talking about death.
It just seems to keep coming up.

First, our Mama cat has been missing for a week. When you live in the woods this is not a good sign. I finally had to tell the girls that she probably didn't make it.

Tears.

I tried to get them to picture her in Heaven sitting on Jesus' lap, and can't they just see the hint of a smile on her little whiskered face....
We then spent the next few nights talking about Heaven and dieing.
I don't want my girls to be afraid of dieing. We read in the Bible some scriptures about dieing.
To die is gain.........
Don't fear the first death, but fear instead the second.........
When Jesus says on the cross, today you will be with me Paradise...........

I think they felt a little better. They soon had a whole party going on up there with all our passed on pets.

Now my husband.
Lets just say he has been going through something.
About a week ago he woke up and felt extremely dizzy, weak and had a huge pain in a certain part of his head.
He thought maybe he was dieing.
He was in a car accident several years ago and hit his head, exactly where his head was hurting now.
I wasn't concerned.
he didn't really understand why I wasn't more concerned.
I tried to tell him how I knew God would tell me if something were really wrong. And honestly I knew he wasn't dieing. I just knew. Did I know what was going on though? No. Was God doing something? Maybe. Was it the flu? Maybe. Was it an attack from the enemy? Maybe. Was it a panic attack or migraine? Maybe.
All I know is that it was enough to scare him and make him realize that he was scared to die. And if he was scared to die than he realized he wasn't exactly right with God.
Because to die is gain............
There is no fear of the first death, but we need to fear the second death.........
What is scarey about being in Paradise.........

He's feeling fine now and we aren't really sure how to explain what happened to him. But he does have a new realization about his relationship with Jesus. I'm just praying It's a start to something bigger.


My daughter had a homework assignment this weekend.
To write her own obituary.
I said, "Oh how fun!" Because I think all her writing assignments are fun.
She was not that thrilled. "It's gross, who wants to think about themselves dieing?"
I was then like OK God what's with the theme this week?

So I tried to explain to her that it's not just about you dieing, it's about your life and how you want people to remember you and what you hope they will say about you.
I asked her how old does she hope lives to?

She said 100.

Ok and how do you want to go, something peaceful like in your sleep?

She said yeah and maybe eating chocolate!

I saw Jesus at the Easter egg hunt

Saturday our small town had their annual Easter egg hunt in the city park.

I haven't always been a huge fan of these types of events, but it was free and our friends were going so I thought it might be fun. Plus it was free eggs and candy for the kids. It was also free.
sorry I'm just on such a budget these days that the word free makes me very happy.

They had the park sectioned off by age groups.
My youngest was in the 4 to 6 year old area and I had to stay with her because there was someone dressed up as the Easter bunny, and she was having a complete panic attack whenever he came to close to her.

Here's where I first saw Jesus.
We were standing around waiting for the whistle to go off when I hear my oldest daughter say "Mom, what is Dad doing here?"
I turned to look across the park where she was pointing and I see him, in all his camo glory, walking across the park waving to us.
I wanted to cry. Happy tears.
You see my husband just doesn't do these types of things with us. I'm not really sure why. Years ago he would have, but somewhere along something in him changed. He just usually lets me do all the busy activities with the girls. So seeing him there I knew he came just for the girls, and that made my heart so happy.
I saw Jesus in  my husband that day.


So, off my husband went to be with my middle daughter who was across the park in the 7 to 10 year old section. I was a little worried about her because it semed to be the largest group. Lots of 10 year old boys who looked like they were getting ready to go to battle.
This is why I usually don't like these types of things.
She did have her friend who was actually one of those 10 year old boys, but I thought maybe he would look out for her.

The whistle blew, and off they went. The 4 to 6 year olds were hillarious! Some knew just what to do, some ran straight across the park thinking this was some kind of race, a couple started crying while their parent kept yelling at them to just pick up an egg. It was comical that's for sure, and it was over in like 60 seconds.

Here's where I saw Jesus again.
As we walked to meet my husband and my middle daughter, someone told me that her friend (the 10 year old boy) was crying. Apparently he had gotten pushed and his bag fell, spilling all his eggs. The 2 boys that had pushed him then grabbed all his eggs. When I met my daughter I told her what happened and asked her if she could share a couple of her eggs with him. She got this look on her face, like she was thinking about it. Then she looked at me and asked, "Mom can I just give him my whole bag?"
I couldn't believe it. I said "It's your bag, you may do whatever you want to do."
I was trying to keep it together and act like this was just an everyday act, but I knew it was so much more. I was seeing Jesus in my daughter.

The look on his face when she went over and gave him her bag was amazing. And his Mom, my very best friend, had a complete meltdown. She of course made the scene that my daughter so deserved, and made sure everyone around us knew what she did. I knew it would have been ok too if she had done it quietly and hadn't been recognized for her action, because that just would have been a treasure she stored in Heaven. But it was amazing to see her loved on like that.

My husband and my middle daughter showed me Jesus this weekend. They reminded me that it sometimes is just the small selfless acts of life that can be the biggest picture of Jesus to people.

And my youngest had known exactly what to do when that whistle had blown, so we still went home with plenty of free eggs!

Not too busy

We have been busy this week.
It's been spring break.
I almost capitalized spring, then I heard June screaming at me.

We've played at friends' houses, shopped, went to the movies, went to an indoor waterslide park, laughed, ate, came home late, and on and on and on.......

But it seems in all the fun we're having, every so often I would hear a small whisper.
It was Him.
He wasn't upset that I was doing so much or having so much fun that had nothing to do with what He went through this week so many years ago.
No, He was laughing with me and just reminding me that it was why He did it all. So that I could have life. I was having fun but I know that it's the kind of fun that only lasts for a moment. The joy that comes from Him lasts forever.

I wasn't too busy to have my moments with Him.

I wasn't too busy to hug my daughters and look into their eyes and see Jesus there.
I wasn't too busy to thank my friends for being there and feel Jesus in their hug.
I wasn't to busy to put a band aid on a scraped knee and think about His blood.
I wasn't too busy to share a meal with our friends and think about His last meal.
I wasn't too busy to comfort my crying child and feel Mary's pain as she watched her son die.

Thank you Jesus for being in my busy week and not letting me forget.

A Palm Poem

On a tiny donkey he came
The man with many a name

The whole town began to stir
for reasons, some unsure

His presence made them rejoice
They raised their hands and their voice

Cloaks were thrown down upon that road
and Palm branches were grabbed many to hold

The crowd sang praise to the King who comes in the name of the Lord
Others cried out No, and in their hearts hatred they did hoard

On top of His donkey He wept for them all
their eyes not open to see ahead their own fall

I picture myself on the side of that road
I see my burdens upon Him, such a heavy load

I'll pick up my palm and wave it high for Him to see
His head will turn and look directly into me

As my head falls down in shame I can't hide
My chin He will lift so I don't miss His donkey ride

he heads into town as we wave the palm branches we hold
The end to the beginning is about to unfold

Tuesday I prayed about our hot water tank repair. I asked God to please make it a "free repair day" (that basically it wouldn't cost too much money.)

The repair man was scheduled to come Wednesday morning.

Wednesday morning the phone rang and it was a message confirming our appointment for Thursday.

Not good.

So I prayed again.

My husband got up and I told him that the repair man was not coming today. I expected him to maybe freak out a bit, but he didn't.

He said "well maybe I should just look at it again and see if I can fix it."

He had said this the first day it stopped working, but after I couldn't find the manual and him almost getting shocked he gave up.

We went downstairs together and I moved some things I had stuffed behind it stored nicely next to it. And what did I find? The manual!

Once he had that he could easily see that the thermostat was most likely the problem, except there were 2 and he wasn't sure which one was causing the problem.

Meanwhile the phone rings and it is the repair place calling to ask if they made a mistake with our service date?
"Why yes you did, but that's okay we're going to try and fix it." I tell them, as my husband's asking me for the phone.

My husband asks them if they will answer one quick question about the tank. The lady on the phone says they're not suppose to but go ahead and she'll see if she can help.
She knew his answer right away.

After 2 minutes with the screwdriver and a quick trip to the hardware store, it is repaired. All for a whopping $13.99!

What did I learn?

What I always learn.

That God answers my prayers.
Never like I ask or think they should be answered.
He cares about us and uses us in the answered prayer.
He turns mistakes into good for His glory.

So, pray about the big things in your life, but also about the little things! Because He can be glorified in the everydayness of our lives.

And be thankful for your HOT shower!

A job

Remember when I told you about my friend who's daughter was having a baby?

He turns 2 months old tomorrow.

His Mommy needs to go back to work a little bit, but she has this adorable, great smelling little bundle of joy.

The thought of putting him in daycare was just too scary. Her Mom said that she had a person in mind to maybe watch him a few hours a day a couple times a week. She asked her daughter if she could pick one person to do that who would she pick?

They both said my name!

I got the call the other day. I said yes without even having to think twice about it. I even will be paid a little bit, which I tried to say no to, but she insisted.

A job. For me.

Someone is going to pay me to sit and cuddle a baby! I can't even begin to describe the smile on my face and in my heart.

And the fact that I will be able to sit and pray over this little guy just brings me great joy.

How I love His Word

He never disappoints.
I on the other hand tend to dissappoint myself far too often. But He knows this about me, He's talked to me about it before. He also knows that when I do something particularly hard, for Him, well...He never disappoints.

That's how it's been getting into this reading the Bible in a year thing. I've done this before, with my church, on my own....
But I knew I needed to do it again this year.
I've been going through some things that I know will only get resolved if I keep my mind filled with Him and His ways.

This week I needed to catch up and stay with it. So, I did a lot of reading.

He decided I was ready for some meat.

Don't you love how alive the Bible is sometimes, when scripture you have read over and over again becomes new and He teaches you something amazing from something you've already read?

At first the specific verses He had for me this week were hard to understand. I couldn't get why I needed to hear, know, feel them. But as they wouldn't leave me and I had to go in search of what it was He was trying to tell me, my eyes were opened in new way.

Meat.

Sometimes meat can be hard to chew and sometimes I want the easy digestion of my all familiar milk.

But I've been asking for some tough questions lately and He must think I'm ready to handle some tough answers.

He never disappoints.

I would share the scripture, but it is so painfully personal that I don't feel I'd do it justice trying to explain.

Is that weird?

I will tell you though to keep asking. Keep reading. Keep not being satisfied with the all familiar milk.
And if you disappoint yourself like I do. Know that He knows that, and wants you to know that it is He that never disappoints.

He/Him/His= Jesus
Just to be clear.

Ray Lewis is football player.

I'm not sure what team.

he had a rough upbringing, and maybe made some bad choices along the way.

I watched an interview of him yesterday.

He preached to me.


"Sometimes in life you don't get everything you want, but if you've got someone in your life that has given you everything you NEED, then don't complain."
Ray Lewis

I'm thinking of writing this in my daughter's room kitchen.

Blessings in the midst of trials

My husband is still out of work. He is a carpenter. Most of his work has been framing houses or millwork (trim and cabinet installation). He has worked for several different builders over the years. Some of those builders are completely out of business right now. Some have downsized their number of houses they build by over 75%. It's shocking really. He has been on unemployment for the first time in his 18 years of working.

His unemployment just ran out last week.

The President "ok'd" an extension of Emergency Unemployment Benefits recently. The only problem is, you have to apply by mail for this extension once your benefits run out, and it can take up to 4-6 weeks to get an answer.

Kinda defeats the purpose of this being an emergency, but I won't complain.

If he doesn't qualify for this extension, then yes, I will complain.

To who? I have no idea. Probably here, so consider yourself warned.

There have been some amazing blessings through this though.

I know that on the other side of all this we will be a different family. A better family. I am honestly trying my best not to rush God through this. Ohhh how I want to be on the other side of this, but I am still learning, I still see it everyday. So, I'm taking notes and storing them in my heart so they don't get lost.

Here's a couple:

Little things can leave the most amazing memories your children will cherish for their lifetime:
We rescued a kitten a little over a year ago. When she was old enough to need to be fixed, we didn't have the money, so I didn't do it. This last Fall she had kittens. 4 of them. 1 died a few days after birth. 1 was so tiny (the runt) that I feared we would lose it too. My youngest was determined to love that little one to life. She did. Every single day she would go to the garage and sit and hold it and and make sure it got it's spot to eat and would watch over it the whole time making sure none of the other 2 kittens pushed it around. It made it! And today you should see her and "Whittie", they are inseperable.
For Christmas we gave one kitten to my Mom, who's cat had just recently died. She says it was the best present she's ever received!
The other day my girls were playing with the cats and my youngest daughter started to quietly cry.
I asked her what was wrong.
She said nothing was wrong. She was just so happy and that having these kittens had made this the best year ever!
Of course that made me cry. I had just been feeling like this was the worst year ever.
not anymore. If I'd had the money at the time, I would have gotten the cat fixed and would have missed this event which turned into a huge blessing for my girls.

Food:
I have never been a huge junk food buyer. Like, I don't think I have ever bought a box of twinkies or anything hostessy. But we have in the past eaten very conviently. The freezer was always stocked with frozen burritos, eggos, hot pockets, fries......and the cupboards had cans of soup, crackers and chips. Easy quick to fix food.
Well if you've ever been on a grocery shopping budget you know that these type of items can be made by spending alot less money. Yes, I'm talking from scratch. I started slowly. The girls love pancakes and waffles for breakfast and I just couldn't afford to buy them all the time. So I started making them from scratch. Same for the fries. Do you realize how much stuff you can make from a .99 bag of potatoes? And the homemade fries are now a family favorite!
If you looked in our freezer now, you'd see only meat, some frozen fruit, and frozen bread. With the cupboards not holding so much quick snacky stuff, we eat tons more fruit and veggies. Basically because sometimes that's all there is to snack on.
I am by no means a healthy food expert but it does feel good to know I'm not putting so much processed food into my kids diets. My youngest gets headaches alot and my middle daughter has some attention/dyslexia issues. I can't say that these have gone away, but I can see a huge improvement with them. Is it the food? I don't know for sure, but my Mommy instinct says yes.
If our finances hadn't changed, I don't know that I would have changed our eating habits so much and I love the way my girls eat today.

Blessings in the midst of trials.

What blessing can you find from a trial in your life? They are there. We just need to make the choice to see them.


*disclaimer: I did not mean to start a debate in any of the following areas;
Unemployment
President Obama
PETA
Food choices

I realized after I wrote all this that these are very some touchy subjects now a days. I'm just trying to share the blessings our family is receiving through a hard time. So, PETA instead of telling me how irresponsible I am, how about tell me where I can get my cats fixed for free.
:)

Walking

I have been walking with Jesus.
Lately He has been leading me down a path that I thought I already knew.

Turns out, Jesus has a different idea of victory than I do.

Sure my idea is pretty good, from the world's eyes.

But He wants so much more than pretty good. His plans for my life include so much more than just a happy, comfortable, feels good walk in the park.

His path is actually going somewhere.
Not just round and round the park.


There are some things I need to let go of. I thought I had been all this time, but clearly Jesus says I haven't. Not really. My heart or mind has still always kept some of my hands right on it.

Jesus says let go. Completely.

It's hard. Really hard.

I am a thinker. I like to figure everything out in my mind and then act.

But I'm just me and try as I might I can not figure everything or everyone out.

I feel like things are going to get worse before they get better. I have made a mess of my life that only Jesus and I can see.
But His eyes are enough.

He has been telling me for a long time to let go.

I have finally heard Him.

Now the actual letting go part? That's hard.

But so is knowing He wants something from me and not doing it.
That's just painful.

Feeling Left Out

I still homeschool my two younger girls.

One is in 3rd grade this year.
The youngest starts Kindergarten. She is not happy about staying home.

"It's not fair, Mom."
"I want to go to school."
"It's a really nice classroom, why don't you like it?"

These are a few of the comments I have received from her this last week.

It doesn't help that her little B.F. is off to real school. She's feeling left out.

I totally understand.

Last year my middle daughter took a couple of classes that were offered by our homeschool program. While she was at her classes, my youngest daughter and I would go over to my friend's classroom. She teaches preschool. Preschool to special needs kids. I would help in the classroom and my youngest was considered a typical peer. She basically played and set an example of behavior.

 (Yah right...)

Anyway, we fell in love with this class. I did anyway. At first it was totally overwhelming and I spent many afternoons in tears. I felt so blessed to have 3 healthy, no serious problemed kids. I felt so sorry for these little ones trying to learn and do basic things that I had just expected from my own kids.
The sympathy didn't last long though. As I got to know each one I realized how amazing they each were.
So smart and loving and determined and inspiring.
I basically fell in love with each and every one of them.

This year my friend asked me to come back to her classroom and help.
Only, she wanted me to come everyday.
I would have to put the girls in school though, to be able to do that.
I wanted to. I thought hard about it. Made lists. Made more lists.

I couldn't do it.
Not yet anyway.

But I feel that seed of something amazing God has planted in me. It reminds me of how much He knows me. Better than I know myself, most days. I love His unexpected, totally what I needed gifts.

So, we'll try not to feel left out this year. Hopefully she and I will have an amazing year together. We'll let God work out our future. He's so much better at it than I am.