Why? Why? Why?

I've spent alot of time thinking and rethinking about my first chapter review of Radical and although not skeptical anymore, still confused for sure.

Confused about what this means for me.
Living radical.

One of the biggest eye openers has been how the things I do relate to the building of the Kingdom of Heaven. What am I being Radical about and if theyll matter in Eternity.
I tend to get wrapped up in the every day things and the needs of people right now and not always see where a need may be for their souls.

When I read about Jesus dieing on the cross, in Chapter 2 (pgs. 34-36)
I had to stop and take it in. again.
I know why He died. Maybe lately I've just been focusing on and seeing just my own sins upon Him as He hung there. And believe me, my sins alone are painful to see.

He sweat drops of blood and begged for this cup to be taken from Him and as I read his words reminding us that it was about All of God's holy wrath and hatred towards sin and sinners, stored up since the beginning of the world, about to be poured out on Him, I saw and felt it. It's too painful to even imagine really.

Now Chapter 3 really got me.
On page 45 when he writes that we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power....
ummmm yeah...that slightly describes me. and I don't like it.

But then he goes on to quote my life verse.
"I am the vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I was first saved I read that scripture and the end is what really caught my attention.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.

All the things I do that have nothing to do with Jesus or his plans......... are nothing.

So why then am I doing so many things?
Why am I worrying about so much?
Why do I care way too much about what someone else thinks about me?
Why? Why? Why?

See the still confused part?

Trying to apply this book to my everyday life is hard but I want to. And wishing I wasn't so confused by it. Jesus was not confused as he prepared to die on that cross. He knew it was going to be unbearably hard and wished it wasnt so. But He was not confused.
I don't want to live confused. I want to live knowing that there are going to be some hard things I will have to do in the name of Jesus and yet boldly do them anyway.