Tired

I'm feeling overly tired today.

Not lack of sleep tired, but tired of things.

I'm tired of being on a constant budget for food and gas only to find I never stay on budget.

I'm tired of everytime I think we are getting caught up, there is an unexpected expense that just puts us further and further behind.

I'm tired of sending resume after resume for my husband and not hearing a single word.

I'm tired of my husband's lack of desire to go to church, to just seek.....to live for Him......

I'm tired of my oldest daughter's schedule. She's just go go go......

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I can't take her somewhere or get her something she needs.

I'm tired of staring at my calendar making sure I don't miss a scheduled payment or a scheduled date.

I'm tired of caring more about what the world thinks of me than what Jesus thinks of me.


I'm sorry. It's just been one of those mornings. I thought maybe if I wrote it all down and told myself I was going to publish it, that it would make me realize how faithless I am being. That it's just all silly stuff and I'd realize how blessed I am.
I do feel blessed.
I do have faith that someday none of this will matter and that Jesus is in control.

But right now it does still stink. I am still tired. And scared and confused.
How can I be of any use to the Kingdom of Heaven if I feel so tired and burdened? I can't seem to see through the fog that this is all for His glory. I can't seem to say "Praise the Lord...we're out of toilet paper...."

I'm going to go read some things now. Things about missionaries, child pornography, Compassion, misscarriages, cancer.........
And cry my eyes out and tell Jesus I'm sorry.
And hopefully be back tomorrow seeing my life through His eyes.

Sorry if things are spelled wrong. I'm also too tired to spell check.