2009 wrap up!

I really only started blogging half way through this year, but I think this list could easily sum it up.
My year has felt a little off balanced, and I usually try to keep myself together with some sort of list or being organized, so it's no surprise to have numbers used in 2 of my titles.

Yes,I'm slowly trying to get to the real me, with the help of this blog.

But mostly this year has been about my daughters. (I just can't help myself.) So I'm not surprised to find one of my favorite stories about my #1!

Here's my (half) year.


May
the real me


September
Take two

October
daughters vs. sons

November
She danced the night away......and went bowling?

December
Day #1

crossroads

There are those moments in life when you can look back and see where your life was at a crossroad. A decision made that altered your path.
Sometimes when you're in the midst of it you don't realize how important a decision can be.

This is where we've been the last few days. At a crossroad.

My daughter's crossroad.

Am I going to let the world's views of what is normal and acceptable help me determine what I tell her?
Am I going to listen to that small convicting voice that's whispering to me?
Am I going to show my daughter how you let your actions match what your words have been?

Yes, this is all about a boy.

This has been the first real chance for my daughter to put Jesus first.
And it's been hard.

I wish it was always easy to walk with Jesus, but the plain truth is that sometimes it's just plain hard.

And He knows it.

This weekend,I watched my daughter put Jesus first. And though many tears were shed, it was the most amazing thing to see.

boys, boys, boys

This has been a tough subject for us.

When my daughter was home schooled it was very easy to keep the boy situation in perspective.

Sure, they have their summer swimteam where the girls and boys all hang out together all summer, practically naked. But it's mostly supervised by us adults and these kids have hung out together for years so it has that more of a family feel to it.

High school is a whole different planet.

we thought we had made it clear to our daughter that we don't really want her to have a boyfriend.

Does that seem extreme?

Here's our case.
(And yes I feel as if I'm in court, under oath, ready to be sent to jail)

That's what having a teenage daughter makes you feel like.  for me sometimes.


She is almost 16. We have told her that when she is 16 she can start dating. 
But not really dating as in having a boyfriend here and one there. More like go to the movies with this boy, maybe a dance with that boy, hang out with one at lunch this day...................

Ya know what I mean?

I don't really like the idea of her having a boyfriend. A boyfriend to me means, hand holding, kissing, and basically one step away from marriage.

I don't want her to have held 20 hands, and kissed 20 boys, before she says I do.
I am trying to protect her from this as much as I can.

High School is not.

"Everyone has a boyfriend, Mom!"
"Everyone has had boyfriends since they were like 13!"

But I don't want her to be like everyone.

But for her, it's hard. She thinks somethings wrong with her because she hasn't had a boyfriend.

(okay I'm really starting to hate the word boyfriend)

2 weeks ago she started talking about this boy on the basketball team. How cute we thought. He called her the other night and they laughed and talked for a whole hour. How cute we thought.

Today she came home and said he asked her to go out with him.
How cute we thought, like meeting at the movies or something...........

No. like as in be his girlfriend.
How not cute we thought.

Where did we go wrong. I swear we've had numerous conversations about this. Is her hormones heart just overriding her senses right now?

I feel a little bit at a lose right now. This is new territory for us and I feel like I have a vision in my head of how I'm suppose to be handling this, but it's not playing out all that well.

I would love any advice, prayers, humorous stories at this point that anyone  can  offer.

Soccer

My oldest daughter is not really athletic.

This is not an insult, just truth and she knows it.

She also tends to be a little clutsy. Kind of like the girl in the Princess Diaries movies. We call her that alot, Mia.

This does not stop her from trying though.

At the end of last year, she tried out for cheerleading. There was stiff competition and she had never even tried to learn or do a cheer in her life.

 She didn't make it. It was crushing.

But I had never been more proud of her. Seeing her try something new and obviously stepping out of her comfort zone, was amazing!

This year as school started, she had some friends who played soccer. There was not going to be  enough girls trying out for the team to make a JV team, so they were going around school trying to get girls to tryout.

Cue my daughter.

In her defense she has played soccer before.

When she was 5!

But she's a supporter and a help a friend in need kinda girl.

So, she borrowed some shin guards, bought some ugly shoes cleats, and signed right up.

It was a rough year for the JV team as it consisted of more than half the players not really wanting to be there and the other half having no idea what they were doing. But they were definately fun to watch.

We had the Soccer banquet the other night. I watched amazing videos and heard great stories of some really athletic and talented young ladies.                       

But my proudest moment?

Watching my daughter receive the Most Improved Player award!

We'll leave out the part where she almost tripped going up to receive it.

my 10 to my Salvation

Go here to read more 10 0n the 10th!


I wanted to do a Christmas edition, but I didn't think you all wanted to hear about my 10 favorite cookies. It seems all I can think about right now is FOOD!
Then I thought about doing the 10 gifts I'm hoping to receive for Christmas, but then I realized I'm sure I'm not getting any of them ,and it felt a little depressing.

But I wasn't depressed for long because I realized I have already received the best gift I could ever get.

My Salvation.

So, I'm going to try and tell my story. My testimony. In 10 easy steps.

1. I grew up basically without a mom, raised by my dad, then a step family, and no Jesus.

2. I was a rowdy, rebellious teenager. sshh. don't tell my daughter.


3. I met a cute boy my senior year of H.S. who was also rowdy and rebellious.

4. Then I met his parents. And there was something different about them.

5. After H.S. I tried on my own to grow up and stop being so rowdy, and I did kinda, but I was.....bitter? lonely? sad? lost? Yeah, all those.

6. That cute boy and I decided to move in together. shh. don't tell my daughter. That was all I would commit to.

7. Cute boy's parent were still different. Every time we got together they talked about Jesus. How much this Jesus loved me. That I would need this Jesus more than anything else in the world.

8. They recommended a christian radio station to listen to. And I listened. I listened to the words of the songs and found myself thinking; how can they sing of being so in love with this Jesus, like he was really real or something.

9. So, I started praying in my car as I drove to work, which was an hour drive every day, that if Jesus was real then he would have to show me himself.

10. One day I got home from work and there were tickets to John Jacobs and the Power Team.
{Does anyone remember them} So cute boy and I went. I don't remember much from that night, except when they asked if there was anyone out in the audience who has been seeking to know if Jesus was real, listening to others and listening to songs trying to get who this Jesus was. The guy was talking to me, and I knew it. I left cute boy in the stands and went down and met and fell in love with Jesus.

Wow, that was hard. Picking 10 things that stood out in my long road to meeting Jesus. I didn't do it justice I'm sure. But He knows all the details that lead me to Him, and that's what's important.

I'm pretty sure most of you that happen to read this blog already know Jesus. But we come in contact with people everyday who don't. I pray you're letting Jesus show through you and that someone will see you and think, wow that person is different!

The Bus

My oldest daughter rides the bus to school every day.

She hates it.

I hated it too when I was in high school.


So of course I think she needs to experience it. It's like a rite of passage. It builds character. She'll appreciate her own vehicle so much more some day.

But some days I just feel so bad for her.

Like this morning when it is -2 degrees outside. Yes, you heard right. -2 degrees!

And there is ONE heater on the bus.

Now the good news is, her stop is the very first one so you'd think the chances of her getting the seat that the heater is under would be good.

Not so much lately.

There is a new family that started coming to our bus stop.
And one of the girls always takes the heat seat.

This morning, as we were sitting in the car waiting for the bus, my daughter was determined to get in line first and get the heat seat.

I tried to offer some advice;
"Just politely ask her if you can sit there today, and take turns or something."

"Mom, have you seen her? She's not exactly the sharing type!"

Honestly we don't normally judge people by their appearances.
But something in the way this girl looks, just screams don't mess with me!

So as the bus pulled up, my daughter flew out the door, and ran over to be first in line.

(I know, real Christian like behavior. But come on it's -2!)

As the bus doors opened, the brute girl stepped in front of my daughter and squeezed onto the bus first!

I couldn't believe it.

Part of me was so proud of my daughter for not getting into a knock down pushing match with this girl and totally embarrassing me getting hurt.
But part of me was sad for her.


If she's decided on her own to suffer and be Jesus to someone, then I support her.
But if she's suffering because she scared, I don't want to support that.

What should I tell her?

Pray about the heat seat? Yes, I know God cares about our needs. But I have a feeling He cares about this bully girl more.

Any advice?

The Baby

My baby turns 6 today.

It makes me so sad, yet so happy too.

She has definately lived up to her place in the family, as the baby.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.



I have pancakes to make. (her request)

I have last minute decorations to put up.

I have silver to polish (not really) and china to set out for our tea party later. (her request)

And I have presents to wrap.

But most importantly;
I have knees to go to and prayers of thanksgiving to give.

Children are a blessing and a gift and a mystery too.
Why some are given so easily into the wombs of some and stay there and do exactly what they're suppose to do and come easily into this world, while others never even have the chance to it make there, is a mystery to me.

A heartbreaking one.

Our childrens' health and our ability to have them and that God would even bless me with 3 beautiful daughters, with personalities and gifts that only He could know I needed, is beyond my comprehension.

So, most importantly it's to my knees I will go this morning and thank Him for giving me such a gift that I don't even begin to deserve.

Quirky Family rituals! Thanks Preacher's Wife.

I am joining The Preacher's Wife today to share some quirky family rituals.
We don't really have any that seem too quirky, but I wanted to participate in this because I just love The Preacher's wife. She is very quirky. And I mean that with a great deal of respect.

I'm loving the word quirky. I need to add it to my list.

I think the most quirky thing we do is open presents on Christmas Eve.

Ok. I know. I know. Just calm down!

It started years ago when my husband and I first got married. His little sister has a Birthday on Christmas Eve. So we would go over to my In-laws house for a Birthday party and a Christmas party. Well, while we were there my MIL wanted to be able to give us our presents too, so we would open them. When we had our first daughter it was natural for her to open her presents from them then too. Now 3 kids later we still open the presents from them on Christmas eve. We do save all the other presents and stockings until Christmas morning though.

Do you guys have any quirky Christmas rituals?

Day #1

Last night we put our #1's on 2 of our 3 Christmas countdowns/countups, the other is truly a countdown so it was set at 24 days left.

Ok. Did it take any other family forever to figure out what number we are on? It was the 1st and Christmas is on the 25th, how could it be at 24..........we had calendars out and fingers were counted. It was ridiculous. We do it every year.

And yes I homeschool and can't even do basic math. Whatever.

This year so many of you have such great ideas that you have shared in regards to Advent Calendars.

Is it calendars or calenders?

And yes I homeschool and also can't seem to spell.
Whatever.

Some of your ideas included having a small family activity attatched to each day; baking cookies, reading a Christmas story together, etc.

I love this and have stolen tons of your ideas. I did however come up with one of my own. kinda.

Last night's little paper said:
Sing Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is coming to town . together. Outside on the deck. Really loud.


I wish we more of a spiritual family that knew the words by heart to Silent night or something, but I knew we didn't and I thought printing out the words and handing them out and turning into a complete drill sergeant, would ruin the festive mood I was going for. So I went with some classics I knew we all knew.

At first everyone, and by everyone I mean my husband and teenager, bulked. My 5 and 9 year old were all over this!

But my cheery encouragement prevailed and out we all went. It was only 20 degrees out so we probably should have put coats on but I wasn't about to stop now.
At first the singing was quiet and everyone seemed nervous and giggly. But by chorus 2 of Jingle Bells we were belting it out!

We don't even have close neighbors so I don't know what the big deal was. I think it would have been even funner(totaly a word) if we did. I can just see people sitting in their living rooms watching t.v. and thinking they hear singing and stopping to listen for just a minute. Don't you think they would be smiling?

We sure were.
And wasn't that the point. smiles.

So, if you have sing a song together as one of your activities, why not try it outside for the whole neighborhood (or woods) to hear.

missing her

I am missing my daughter this morning.

We had 5 full days of her, and only had to share her once.

I know I may go a little overboard with the whole missing her thing. She is only at high school after all. But when you spend almost everyday together for 14 years it is a total adjustment.

So humor me.

Wednesday: first day of Thanksgiving break, technically she slept in until noon, but I wasn't about to complain. And when she got up and wanted to make us all pancakes, I didn't have the heart to point out it was noon and that we had already eaten, so I just smiled and said sure!

Thursday: Thanksgiving! Again the sleeping until noon, but when my youngest finally couldn't take it anymore and went and crawled in bed with her, it was worth the wait. No pancakes today, she was ready for chips and dip.

Friday: We watched movies and played with the kittens, and I don't think anyone argued with eachother the whole day! Heaven!


Saturday: ok here's where things start to get a little ugly. When she woke up I asked her if she wanted to get the Barbie house out for the girls, and play Barbies with us....................
I think I pushed it just a little too far, because at that exact moment the phone rang and she sprinted to it as if her life depended on it!
So, yes she spent the day at a friends house, but she didn't want to sleep over, she wanted to come home and watch a movie with me. I tried not to cry.

Saturday: I helped her with some homework ( what kind of teacher gives homework on a holiday vacation?) we ate pie for lunch, went to the movies with some friends, ate pie for dinner.

Sunday: We spent a great day together as a family. I think I saw her Dad give her 2 or 3 hugs throughout the day, he obviously misses her too, just hides it better. That night she asked me to come help her pick out some outfits for the week. I tried not to cry. She knows this is my favorite thing to do and not always hers.

Just maybe she's beem missing us too.

I'm Thankful for complete strangers

We do that corny tradition of sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner and going around the table and everyone has to say what they are thankful for. No matter how corny it is, I always end up crying though.

I guess there's nothing corny about being thankful.

This year one of the things I would like to say I am thankful for is blogging.

I can just see my family though, after I say this.

( cue crickets chirping..... )

They would think I had lost it.

But I know you would all get it.

So, imagine us all at a table together and it's my turn, and I'm saying I am so thankful for you. I can't wait until heaven someday and God shows you how that one story you told, that one scripture you wrote, that one picture you posted........... helped me that day.

Happy Thanksgiving

if you get bored.

I just thought I would share a few websites that I think have the best information.

With my oldest daughter home for Thanksgiving break I will most likely be sleeping in! Yeah!
I normally get up at 6 am and take her to the bus. Yes, I have to take her to the bus.
We live out in the boonies country and the bus meets at one spot to collect all the hillbillies kids.

Who is loving the strikethrough button? me!

Anyway, I usually come home and have an hour to myself, and that is when I write and read blogs.
But the next few days I will be sleeping in! Yeah!

Already said that.

So I will leave you with some sites to go check out.

http://www.kids-in-mind.com/
This gives detailed information about what is in a movie, like how many bad words, intimate scenes, etc. I don't watch a PG13 movie without checking it out here first.

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php
This site is great if your trying to be as healthy as you can in regards to dangers in cosmetics. Like some mascaras contain mercury. I try and buy the most chemical free products I can. Please don't be hate me if it tells you your favorite lipstick is poisonious. Put in the lotion, makeup, shampoo you use in the search button and see the results.

http://www.slashfood.com/2009/09/01/candy-bar-id-quiz/
Ok this isn't really information, but it's fun. And I got every one right. That's sad.

http://www.birdsource.org/gbbc/howto.html
I don't think you can actually start doing this until January, but I like to be prepared. Am I the only one that thinks this sounds fun? Teenage daughter thinks I am.



http://www.fairmont.com/banffsprings
I hope to go here someday. It's like a huge castle in the mountains. Breathtaking! Has anyone ever heard of this place or been?

Who is loving the linky button? me!

My computer caught Swine Flu

Our computer caught Swine Flu a virus last week.
So, I wasn't able to get on the internet all week.
Oh how I missed you all.

That seems weird.

But I really did.

And my daughter about lost it, not being able to check everyones status on her Myspace.
And now she has a Facebook account too.

Those both make me nervous.

That seems weird too.

I go on there often with her and see what's going on and what her friends are talking about. I monitor her pictures she puts on there. I make her delete friends that are constantly cussing and being inapropriate.

It's kindof tiring though.

And she gets so annoyed when I ask to go on there with her and ask to see so and so's pictures , or ask "what does that mean when he says that..?"

But I figure if I'm tired and she's annoyed, I must being doing something right. :)

Gotta go.
I got lots of catching up on your lives reading to do.

Thank you

I have a totally different post in mind that will have to wait for another day, because I just had to say this first.

Friday I played Kellie's carnival, just because I thought it would be fun and I really didn't have much to say anyway.

I got a few comments. (Yah! Comments are so fun!)
But what was said, well that just overwhelmed me.

I know that most of you have been blogging for awhile and truly get this whole community that is formed here. I actually started my blog over a year ago, but it hasn't been until recently that I get why I'm doing it.
I have done my share of leaving an encouraging comment or praying for a situation that I have read about, from the Mom who is feeling overwhelmed that day to a dieing Father I will never even meet until Heaven someday. It's been like a little gift for me actually, to be able to pray for people I don't even know. I'm a stay at home mom, homeschooling my kids, trying to be everything I can for my husband, and it doesn't leave alot of time to feel like I'm doing much of anything for the Lord. So being able to lift perfect strangers up in prayer,that's a gift.

Then I do this fun little carnival and God reminds me how much He loves me.
I was trying to make a point about my clean house, not solicit some prayers. But they came anyway.
This weekend everytime I looked at my husband, I just smiled. I thought of these beautiful women out there whom I've never even met, and said (to my self) they're praying for my husband! It was overwhelming, in a good way.

So I wanted to say thank you and tell this little tid bit for others out there going through a hard time, we're praying and God hears us. And lets keep encouraging and praying for each other, ok?

You could go here , to my sweet sister,and leave an encouraging word or a prayer. Or sometimes I go here and just pray.

If you came to my house today..................Thanks Coffee gal!

If you came to my house today.........

Outside you'd see the tiny layer of our first snowfall.
Inside the fire would be going and the coffee pot on. (Well not really on, because did you know that leaving a coffee pot on uses tons of electricity!)But there would be coffee and vanilla creamer. Yes only vanilla, we're plain that way.
My dishes would be done. Counters clean too.
My laundry would be done.
Floors swept and maybe even mopped.
Beds made.
Toys picked up.
Desk in order and papers filed neatly away.

But before you hate me I want you to know me too.

I'm just a cleaning type of girl. If I came to your house I may just start sweeping for you or fold the laundry on the couch. It's just fun to me.

But before you hate me I want you to know me.

Just because my house is always clean and organized doesn't mean I'm not sometimes mostly a mess.

If you came to my house today.......

You might find my husband sitting outside worrying about his day. He is unemployed and worried about his future.
It might be chilly in the basement because the fire doesn't reach there and I'm too worried about the electric bill to use the heaters too much.
Kitchen's clean, but I probably am feeling guilty for not eating a better breakfast.
And as my two younger girls and I sit down to school in the office, we may have some tears from my struggling reader or we may choose to just color our turkeys all day.

I hope that if you came today you wouldn't think you were at house that had it all together. It may look neat but we're a mess. And that's okay! I love our mess and the knowledge of the ONE who is bigger than it.
Thanks for coming and wasn't the coffee good? Isn't vanilla the best?

Thank you Grandpa

Growing up, I remember my Grandpa telling me stories about being at Pearl Harbor when it was attacked during WWII.

"I survived." He would say. "But most of my friends didn't."

And as December 7th drew closer he would always be a litttle more quiet, and spend more time alone. He didn't talk alot about what his mind must have been replaying, but he would make sure we all knew what that day meant.

I, in all my childhood wisdom, thought he was a little dramatic about the whole thing.
I don't anymore. I wish I would have told him thank you more often for what he did. What he survived.
He died 17 years ago. On December 17th.


On the day my last daughter was born, as I was laying in the hospital bed, holding and smiling at her. I realized what the date was.

December 7th.

I guess God helped me to be able to say thank you to my Grandpa in a way only He could.

Thank you.

10 words I do not like

I love words. I love reading them, saying them, hearing them, putting my own twist on them.......
Although, I don't really like to talk to alot and have always thought that less is more when it comes to communication.

This irritates my husband.

There are also words I just do not like. I do not like to say them, hear them, and I definitely put my own twist on them if I need to say them.

I'm not even sure if I can do this list, that's how much I don't like them. And this is a PG list mind you. I don't even have a rated R vocabulary.

So, if you avoid some words like I do, then I encourage you to stop reading now.

Why am I even doing this?

Here goes..........


Who am I kinding? I can't do it.


Let's do a few of my favorite words instead.

1. Hence
2. albeit
3. ballet
4. furthermore
5. pinkish
6. lofty
7. exhaustified
8. unique
9. chica
10. totally

Ok I know I'll think of ones I love better as soon as I post this, but these are a few off the top of my head.
And no, I'm not British or Spanish, but have been known to talk that way around the house. Teenage daughters think this is really entertaining.

Not.

Do you have favorite words? Please don't leave words you don't like because they may be the same ones I can't stand. (Or is this just something weird about me?) Or do you have any words you put your own twist on, like my #7?

She danced the night away......and went bowling?

My daughters are amazing.
My daughters are alot like me. ha ha.

They also, are nothing like me.

We spent a good 2 hours getting my oldest daughter ready for the dance last Friday. I say we, but it was all me. We started with her hair. I got out my trusty hair rollers from the top shelf of the closet and she about freaked when she saw them.

her: "What the heck are those?"
me: "they look old but they'll give your hair great curls."
her: "OMGness Mom this isn't the 80's!"

After about 3 more freakouts about my ability to do her hair we finally finished and she loved it.

If my husband wasn't convinced someone was going to see a picture on here and want to come attack us, I'd have some great pictures to show.

I know.

Her makeup didn't take as long, but somewhere around eye shadow, I asked what the final plan for the evening was.
She said they were all meeting at 5 and then going bowling.

Bowling?

How had I missed that plan?

This was Homecoming. Pictures, a nice dinner somewhere fancy, and off to the dance........

Apparently I'm from the 80"s.

She was so excited. Fancy dresses and bowling shoes. What could be more fun?

This is something I would have never done. It just doesn't make sense. We I had just spent 2 hours doing her hair!

After I stopped freaking out, I started laughing.
This was so my daughter.
And her pictures she captured from the whole night?
Priceless!
Who knew, fancy dresses and bowling shoes went so well together.

Muffin Cookies

No, this is not a great new recipe that I think everyone needs to try.
This is the result of letting your kids help you bake cookies.
I do homeschool after all and baking is one of the easiest ways to help break up a long afternoon and let it still be considered educational.
Of course we were out of chocolate chips, but i did have some butterscotch ones. YUM.
So we just followed the normal recipe. I gave both girls their own big bowls, to help with the fighting of who gets to pour or measure next. I had the brilliant idea to make two batches and that would help us not miss or count any extra measurements.
It didn't help.
Somewhere along the line someone counted either too many cups of flour or too many teaspoons of baking powder.
Hence the title, Muffin Cookies!
They might not have tasted that great, (chewy, gooey, flat)
but we sure had fun, and the girls think they were a success. Even when late last night my husband asked the girls if he could have another one of those muffins!

I didn't tell her, so let's go ahead and talk about her

I have not told my oldest daughter about this blog. And I'm okay with that. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. Someday when she's much older, she may even appreciate having her whole teenage life written down for the whole world to read. Right?

Moving on.

Homecoming is coming up this week at her H.S., the big football game and ofcourse the dance. She doesn't have a date...phew...
The boy that she was hoping would ask her, apparently says he's "not into dances......." Not sure what that means, except that I guess he's not going. But that isn't stopping her. She's still determined to go.

I love that about her.

When I was in High School I always seemed to be attracted to the boys who weren't into dances either. (that's weird)
So I didn't bother going. I apparently was too cool to admit I really wanted to go. I realize now it wasn't cool, it was scaredy cat.

Anyway, too cool or scaredy cat is not her. If there is fun to be had she will find a way to be a part of it.

I love that about her.

We went to town the other day.
(I love saying "went to town". It's like we're Little House on the Prairie and going into town is a big deal. Which it actually is, considering we live an hour away from the nearest mall.
We stopped at Ross (love Ross) and she found a dress for $11.00! Yes, a dress for a Homecoming dance for $11.00!

I love that about her.

I wish she didn't want to really even go to this dance. I know it's suppose to be fun and all, but I can't help wishing she just wanted to stay home and watch movies with me and have not an ounce of care about boys right now. It's so hard finding that balance of letting her have fun but then protecting her purity.
I know, I know it's just a dance.
But I also know it's hard to take Jesus to a highschool dance and I don't want her to leave Him at the door.
I have to believe she won't. And as she dances the night away that she'll remember how amazing she is and how much Jesus loves her.
I know she will.
I love that about her.

daughters vs. sons

I love having daughters.

I think raising sons is so much harder. Not that I would know, because I only have daughters.
But, the responsibility of raising a son to be a man just seems harder.

I tend to be a little old fashioned in my thinking. So I picture raising boys to be THE MAN of the family. The provider, the spiritual leader, the hunter and fisher, the decision maker.......basically the Leader of his family.

That just overwhelms me.

Not that raising daughters is always a walk in the park. But I love my "job" as a woman in our family. I love teaching our daughters the things that will help them be great moms and wives someday. That just seeems easy and natural.

I'm not even sure why I am even thinking this today. This is not what I was going to write about.

Maybe it's because my husband got up early this morning to go deer hunting and I'm picturing him out there in the freezing cold, wet, dark morning....alone.

Now, I know there are plenty of daughters out there that love to hunt and hang out with there Dads.....our daughters, not so much.

So, sometimes I am a little sad for my husband.
Maybe a little sad for myself too. Not having the challenge of raising a son.

To all you Moms out there raising sons today. May God bless you with the wisdom and strength to raise amazing sons. Maybe one of them is for one of my daughters. May Jesus be there ultimate example of a man.

Do you think raising sons is harder than daughters?

Should I tell her?

My oldest daughter, whom this whole blog was even started for in the first place, does not even know about it.
I'm feeling a little guilty about that.

Should I tell her? Ask her permission to write about her?
Or is this MY blog and MY feelings and observations?
I don't think I've written or will write anything too personal or something I haven't talked to her already about.
But, I'm feeling a little guilt when I type something about her.

She is 15.

So, basically that means she is completely unpredictable.
She could think this is a total violation of her privacy.
Or she could think it was cool, like she was almost famous or something.

The other two are only 6 and 9. I feel I have awhile yet before they realize the humiliation I can cause them.
So, do you think I should tell her?
And if I tell her, do I let her read it?

Thanks for the help.

Feeling Left Out

I still homeschool my two younger girls.

One is in 3rd grade this year.
The youngest starts Kindergarten. She is not happy about staying home.

"It's not fair, Mom."
"I want to go to school."
"It's a really nice classroom, why don't you like it?"

These are a few of the comments I have received from her this last week.

It doesn't help that her little B.F. is off to real school. She's feeling left out.

I totally understand.

Last year my middle daughter took a couple of classes that were offered by our homeschool program. While she was at her classes, my youngest daughter and I would go over to my friend's classroom. She teaches preschool. Preschool to special needs kids. I would help in the classroom and my youngest was considered a typical peer. She basically played and set an example of behavior.

 (Yah right...)

Anyway, we fell in love with this class. I did anyway. At first it was totally overwhelming and I spent many afternoons in tears. I felt so blessed to have 3 healthy, no serious problemed kids. I felt so sorry for these little ones trying to learn and do basic things that I had just expected from my own kids.
The sympathy didn't last long though. As I got to know each one I realized how amazing they each were.
So smart and loving and determined and inspiring.
I basically fell in love with each and every one of them.

This year my friend asked me to come back to her classroom and help.
Only, she wanted me to come everyday.
I would have to put the girls in school though, to be able to do that.
I wanted to. I thought hard about it. Made lists. Made more lists.

I couldn't do it.
Not yet anyway.

But I feel that seed of something amazing God has planted in me. It reminds me of how much He knows me. Better than I know myself, most days. I love His unexpected, totally what I needed gifts.

So, we'll try not to feel left out this year. Hopefully she and I will have an amazing year together. We'll let God work out our future. He's so much better at it than I am.

Take two

It's Thursday, of the first week back to school. This week is going so slow. Last night my oldest daughter (the one in High school) said, "Mom, isn't this week going so fast!" Wait a minute. This is how I started out last year's post. But it's true. It was so nice having her around all summer long. She spent every moment with us or at least with her friends that I love like they were our family. Now she's back there. At that school. Surrounded by boys, super skinny girls, swear words, gossip, boys, bad attitudes, peer pressure, boys....... She started the week, keeping what was important in mind. "School is not about clothes and clicks, and boys...It's about learning and trying new sports and getting good grades and figuring out what you want to do AFTER this..." Those are her words not mine! And already I can see the pressure of this thing they call public High School, trying to worm it's way into her thinking. She's cranky, said something about me being old, has no time for her younger sisters, NEEDS her cell phone back (which she didn't mention needing once this whole summer), wants more hoodies from some store that will cost more than a week's groceries.......... Do I sound bitter? I'm not meaning to. Honestly, I'm a little scared. When I was driving her to school that first day, we prayed together and I tried to give her encouraging words, like; Think of this as going into battle. Be prepared for the enemies attacks. Put on your full armor of God....... She looked at me like I was crazy. "They're just teenagers, Mom!" Exactly!

Oh yah, today is my anniversary

I guess once I decide somethings a good idea, there's no stopping me. (hence the 2 posts in one day) I like the word hence. Did I even use or spell it correctly? And another thing, is there a spell check on this blog? Anyway, Today is my 16th Anniversary. I wish I knew how to get a picture from my photo album into the computer and then onto here. We are just so darn cute. My husband was only 19 when we got married. I was much older......21! I just watched our wedding video with my two youngest girls and they thought it was the greatest thing. They, of course, couldn't believe how skinny I was, and that I sure wore alot of makeup. I really didn't have that much makeup on, it's just that I only wear mascara now. All the eyeshadow, blush and the bright pink lipstick must have looked a little shocking to them. Did I mention how skinny I was? I can't believe I thought I needed to lose weight back then. I cried watching parts. When my little sister-in-law sang, seeing my Grama Helen(who is no longer with us), dancing with my Dad.........but I really choked up and one part when me and my hubby were just looking into eachothers smiling faces not realizing the camera was catching us......we look so full of hope and happiness and love. I wanted to talk to myself and say remember and enjoy these easy days together. I wanted to warn myself of some tough choices that would be coming up and tell myself what I should do differently. It was weird. It was also good though to see us so in love. That love is still there I just needed to see it so clearly, like it was in that video. Hoping that today when he gets home from work, I'll catch a glimps of that cute 19 year old and he'll get a glimps of that skinny older woman!

the real me

Well, I guess you might as well know the real me and not the me that I wish I was. I started this blog in September 2008. I thought it would be a great way for me to write about all the emotional stuff I was feeling about letting my daughter go to public school. Then here came the real me. The one that always second guesses herself, doubts, doesn't believe her ideas have any value............so I stopped the blog. I thought who is even going to read this? Why are you writing to nobody? Who does this? Fast forward to March 2009. I was looking for a website about publishing children's book (more on that someday) and somehow came across this blog http://tanyadennisbooks.com/ From that blog, I have found so many amazing blogs. Mostly Mothers like me who love to write, love Jesus, love people and friends. They just had the simple idea to write. To encourage. To laugh. To cry. I can't tell you enough how this has changed my life. Somedays I read exactly what I need that day. Other times they make me laugh and forget about wanting to cry. Alot of times they make me cry and help me put my own issues in perspective and I end up lifting them up in prayer instead of myself. I had a good idea. I just didn't believe in myself enough to do it.......the real me. I hope to keep blogging. Yes about my daughter's highschool experiences, I got alot to catch you up on..............and maybe more about myself. I really have no idea how to even run this blog yet, so I hope you won't mind the plainness. Thank you blogging women. here is just a few that I read every day: http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ http://momsministryandmore.blogspot.com/ http://wannabepublished.blogspot.com/ http://coffeegal.blogspot.com/ http://carpoolqueen.wordpress.com/ http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ http://www.marlataviano.com/