Thursday, May 10, 2012

Going to try and update without any tears

I started this blog because my oldest daughter was going to public school for the very first time.
hence, the name of this blog
I just love using the word hence. I feel smart.
I had intentions of writing on here regularly of all we experienced in this new phase of our life. I didn't write nearly as much as I had planned. Most of the time I was just too overwhelmed to even write the simplest things down.

In 23 days she will graduate from high school.
How has almost 4 years gone by? I still remember clearly the first day driving her to school. I remember her outfit, how she kept looking in the mirror, how completely excited she was and how completely heart broken I was.

Family is coming from out of town. I'm planning a party/ picnic for everyone, including her best friend and her family, who decided to join us at the park and make it one big fun party.
There is a boyfriend, that I have never met, coming to her graduation and who has plans to spend every moment of this upcoming summer with her.
They went on a movie date last Christmas then he moved to Nebraska and somewhere in the following 5 months of talking on the phone every night, they became boyfriend and girlfriend.....

So. My emotions are all over the place. My parenting skills are all over the place too.
One moment I'm trying to hold on too tight and trying to make sure I get every single piece of advice, wisdom, Bible verse and on and on into her because I'm so afraid of what decisions she'll make and feel as if my time as being her Mother is slipping out of hands, like it's done, no undoing, no getting to let's just try that again.

Other moments I'm just like go ahead move out already, experience life, God will walk you through all the mistakes. I've done my job and I'm letting go like a well adjusted normal parent.

I feel like none of it is working right.

I thought crying baby, sleepless nights, terrible twos, fit in the middle of the grocery store aisle days were tough.
Well, they got nothing on parenting an 18 year old.

Congratulations my baby girl  to a beautiful woman.