Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Should I tell her?

My oldest daughter, whom this whole blog was even started for in the first place, does not even know about it.
I'm feeling a little guilty about that.

Should I tell her? Ask her permission to write about her?
Or is this MY blog and MY feelings and observations?
I don't think I've written or will write anything too personal or something I haven't talked to her already about.
But, I'm feeling a little guilt when I type something about her.

She is 15.

So, basically that means she is completely unpredictable.
She could think this is a total violation of her privacy.
Or she could think it was cool, like she was almost famous or something.

The other two are only 6 and 9. I feel I have awhile yet before they realize the humiliation I can cause them.
So, do you think I should tell her?
And if I tell her, do I let her read it?

Thanks for the help.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Feeling Left Out

I still homeschool my two younger girls.

One is in 3rd grade this year.
The youngest starts Kindergarten. She is not happy about staying home.

"It's not fair, Mom."
"I want to go to school."
"It's a really nice classroom, why don't you like it?"

These are a few of the comments I have received from her this last week.

It doesn't help that her little B.F. is off to real school. She's feeling left out.

I totally understand.

Last year my middle daughter took a couple of classes that were offered by our homeschool program. While she was at her classes, my youngest daughter and I would go over to my friend's classroom. She teaches preschool. Preschool to special needs kids. I would help in the classroom and my youngest was considered a typical peer. She basically played and set an example of behavior.

 (Yah right...)

Anyway, we fell in love with this class. I did anyway. At first it was totally overwhelming and I spent many afternoons in tears. I felt so blessed to have 3 healthy, no serious problemed kids. I felt so sorry for these little ones trying to learn and do basic things that I had just expected from my own kids.
The sympathy didn't last long though. As I got to know each one I realized how amazing they each were.
So smart and loving and determined and inspiring.
I basically fell in love with each and every one of them.

This year my friend asked me to come back to her classroom and help.
Only, she wanted me to come everyday.
I would have to put the girls in school though, to be able to do that.
I wanted to. I thought hard about it. Made lists. Made more lists.

I couldn't do it.
Not yet anyway.

But I feel that seed of something amazing God has planted in me. It reminds me of how much He knows me. Better than I know myself, most days. I love His unexpected, totally what I needed gifts.

So, we'll try not to feel left out this year. Hopefully she and I will have an amazing year together. We'll let God work out our future. He's so much better at it than I am.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Take two

It's Thursday, of the first week back to school. This week is going so slow. Last night my oldest daughter (the one in High school) said, "Mom, isn't this week going so fast!" Wait a minute. This is how I started out last year's post. But it's true. It was so nice having her around all summer long. She spent every moment with us or at least with her friends that I love like they were our family. Now she's back there. At that school. Surrounded by boys, super skinny girls, swear words, gossip, boys, bad attitudes, peer pressure, boys....... She started the week, keeping what was important in mind. "School is not about clothes and clicks, and boys...It's about learning and trying new sports and getting good grades and figuring out what you want to do AFTER this..." Those are her words not mine! And already I can see the pressure of this thing they call public High School, trying to worm it's way into her thinking. She's cranky, said something about me being old, has no time for her younger sisters, NEEDS her cell phone back (which she didn't mention needing once this whole summer), wants more hoodies from some store that will cost more than a week's groceries.......... Do I sound bitter? I'm not meaning to. Honestly, I'm a little scared. When I was driving her to school that first day, we prayed together and I tried to give her encouraging words, like; Think of this as going into battle. Be prepared for the enemies attacks. Put on your full armor of God....... She looked at me like I was crazy. "They're just teenagers, Mom!" Exactly!