Goodbye 2011

I didn't really want to write this post. I wanted 2011 to just quietly slip out of here.
It was a hard year for me. A lot of goodbyes.
I wish it had been alot of good buys. Unfortunately I didn't buy much of anything, another hard thing about 2011.
Goodbyes stink. And hurt.

But as with God, when I start to sit and think about all the hard things, He gently brings things to my mind that were from Him. The good things.
And I see that maybe even some of the goodbyes were from Him too.

He reminded me of a lot of fun amazing things that happened this year. Things I will want to remember about 2011.

So, I'm stealing the year of pictures idea from some other bloggers.
Hoping to look back on 2011, despite the bad, as a good year and not just let it slip away.
I hope you too, can look back on your 2011 and see, through some of the bad, that the hand of God was on you.

                                                                           January
This is one of those goodbyes I was talking about. Saying goodbye to this little guy almost broke me in half. But when i see this picture and remember this moment, I laugh. Our family had the best time being in his life and he changed us. For that I will always be thankful and grateful.

         February

My oldest is not naturally outgoing, so when she came to me and wanted to do her schools version of a beauty pageant, I was shocked. But also so excited and proud. First things first, she needed a dress. Here we are shopping for dresses. She wanted big! This is the dress we picked. Isn't it amazing. This was one of the funnest days. Watching her try on all those dresses was like a dream!

                                                                           
                                                                                March
Of course for that same beauty pageant she needed a talent. We came up with her reciting a poem. One we wrote together about herself. On the back of her t-shirt it says, ME! Here is the poem we wrote:

So, I have tried many things in the pursuit of finding me
Wondering just who it is I’m trying to be

At first it was soccer which seemed really fun
But ya know what, all they do is run

Then I thought ballet would teach me some grace
Um no, I still tend to end up on my face

Volleyball was the next sport I wanted to try
But every time I stood at that net, I just wanted to cry

Track, around and around and around we did run
Well, I was ready to be done after week one

Tennis, well that was easy, it was all about the cute skirt
But ow, those tennis balls, they really hurt

And even though swimming is the sport I still love best
I have never had the honor of a medal upon my chest

Now it’s a crown on my head my heart seeks
But man, this has been a really hard 3 weeks

Maybe I should stop all these things I am trying to be
And just give myself time to find the real me

                                                         

April

The snow finally melted and we decided to go on a famly hike on our property. I don't get outside much even though I love it. Well, kinda. Here is my youngest having so much fun and our dog bringing up the rear keeping us safe.

                                                                             May
My husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage in May. Seriously amazing. Marriage is hard, but we're not giving up. The girls wanted to try on my wedding dress. I'm still hoping one of them will want to wear it on their wedding day. My oldest tried it on and said Uh no. And I agreed, it just wasn't her.

                                                                            June
My oldest did not win that pageant, but her experience was one of the most fun things she has ever done. God rewarded her though, as she was asked to fill in for one of the girls and be in a local parade. So fun! That's her, in the front on the left. She is waving to her sisters on the other side of the road. I was the crazy Mom running along side of the float taking pictures. We call it Momarazzi.

                                                                             July

The 3 girls have all been a part of our summer swimteam for the last few years. My middle daughter is amazing at just about any sport she does. In swim she has spent lots of time on the 2nd and 3rd place podiums, but never the top 1st place spot. Well that changed this summer. Here she is receiving her first 1st place gold medal! (And can we just acknowledge the size of the girl next to her) Wow!

                                                                  






                                                                             August
This should be another one of the bad things, but when I look back at how brave and good she was, going through this whole ordeal, I can't help but be so proud of her. Although to be honest i hate thinking about her tiny little bone be broken, but it gave me sympathy for those Moms going through such more horrible painful ordeals with their kids.

                                                                 

September

Bitter sweet the first day of school is. After being a homeschooling Mom for so many years, part of me still hurts at not keeping them with me all day. I miss them like crazy every day.

Such cuties.

October

Thsi was so fun! I got crafty. This was an old dresser that I sanded eeewwww and painted and put in my 2 youngest girls' room. I just love it and am now addicted and want to do more.

               


                                                                      November
Oh my goodness. Watching my middle daughter play basketball was such a highlight. She is amazing and a natural. I wish I could have filmed myself though, as I would get so excited and loud!  Those are 2 words that do not usually describe me. My husband said I was pretty funny to watch and I'm pretty sure I looked a fool. seriously. But it was just so fun! 
She is in the white uniform and getting ready to switch hands and go right around that girl gaurding her.

                                     







                                                                      December
I love Christmas morning every year. This year my middle daughter surprised us by coming down the stairs in the morning playing Jingle bells on the flute. It was so sweet. And look at little sis holding the book for her. My favorite memory from Christmas morning.

                                                                        

So, lots to be thankful for that's for sure!

Happy New Year friends.

God Bless!

being thankful for family even when it's hard

Happy Thanksgiving.

Most people look forward to spending this day with family. Some we don't see but once or twice a year and it's so fun catching up, giving hugs and kisses, and seeing how the little ones have grown.

But sometimes it's just plain hard.

Sometimes your the only Christian in your family. Your parents or grandparents, your aunts, uncles, cousins the people you have grown up loving and respecting just don't get you.
They cuss, drink, say the Lord's name in vain, argue, bicker, make fun of you........

They're lost.

And it's hard.
You try and be the light of Jesus. Love them where they are. Not judge. Not preach. Not become angry yourself. Wonder why you even bother coming.

My prayer for those of us that may be going through this is that Jesus knows. He's there too.

Jesus had a hard time himself when He went home.
"Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor."  Matt 13:57

May you see your lost family members as just that......lost.
May you see them through His eyes today.
May you be protected from the things that hurt.
May the Holy Spirit be upon you and the words of your mouth be from Him.

And those that have a house full of believers in Jesus, rejoice and be extra thankful today.

Real

I was trying to think about what I wanted to share about from my family vacation.

Most of the things seem too personal.

My Dad's drinking
My Dad and Step Mom bickering and arguing
Step brother being very ill
Niece going through a breakup
Worrying about my sister, yet celebrating a victory with her
My oldest daughter missing her friends and pouting the first few days
My middle daughter missing her swim meet
My youngest daughter.........

ohhh this one's good.......

We missed seeing everyone last year. My step brother and his family, we didn't get to see at all.
My nephew is 16 this year, so 2 years ago when we last saw him he was 14. Boys change alot from 14 to 16. I almost didn't recognize him. And my youngest daughter didn't recognize him at all.

They are 10 years apart but have still had one of those bonds that just draws you together. He is silly and crazy and active and has just always made her laugh. She usually just wants to follow him around, and he has always let her.

When we first got there and I told her to go say hi to him. She would not. He was tall and looked so different and had a really deep voice.
One night as we were all sitting around together after dinner, and she leaned over to me and whispered....
"Where's the real Drew?" 

In her mind this boy we kept calling Drew was not him. It was like she thought we had given her an imposter. She wanted her real cousin. The one she remembered.

Everyone thought it was so cute she had said that. We told him about it and I think he made more of an effort to spend time with her after that. And it didn't take long, after she finally gave him a chance, to see her laughing and following him around again.

It got me thinking about my own self. The real me. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror or a picture and I ask that same question. Where is the real me? Or I'll look at my sister or my Dad and feel concern for them, but after spending some one on one time with them, I find them. The real them. That part of ourselves that is the real us. Our hearts, humor, love, connection. It's all right there, no matter what's going on on the outside.

God knows the real me. He knows the real you. And He loves us.


Inspite of all the family drama I did find myself laughing more about it this year. Letting things go that sometimes linger in my mind and end up causing pain.
I'm so thankful for time with my sister and special moments with my family.

Aloha. That means hello and goodbye.

My oldest daughter is off to Hawaii.
Her Grandparents took her and my sister's daughter.

I just spoke to her as she was about to step onto the plane.
She's never been on an airplane before.
She's never been away from home for 2 weeks before.
She's never experienced so much newness before without me by her side.

If my posts are a little sappy the next 2 weeks you'll know why.

I'll be missing her like crazy.

Aloha.

He used a thunder and lightning storm to remind me

Last night we went to bed.
All of us.
At about 7pm.
We have been leaving the house at 6 am every morning.
My husband to a job. Yes, Prasie God!
And the rest of us to go swimming.

Yes I said swimmimg, at that ridiculous hour of sunrise.
The girls are all on a summer swimteam and that's just when they practice. We have been doing it for 6 years so it seems so normal to me. But typing it just now reminded me of how crazy it really is.

Anyway.......
We were all in bed, most of us sleeping, when an amazing storm started.
It was amazing because the lightning was so bright and doing crazy things to the sky. And the thunder? It was loud and long.
It woke me up.
Then it woke my middle daughter up.
She was scared so I got up to go lay with her.

I love thunder and lightning storms. Sometimes they still make me a little nervous though.
I once heard someone describe it as God showing us a glimpse of His power.
I love that.
I was trying to soothe my daughter by telling her it was okay and that it was just God's power and to think about how amazingly huge and powerful He is.
I was also trying to get her to go right back to sleep.

But my husband wanted her to come watch the storm with him.

I kept saying NO.
She needed to go to sleep. We have to get up at crack of ridiculous dawn  5:45am. Absolutely not!

Then I heard it.
That small whisper of the Lord's voice.
He was reminding me of the way I want to live.
The way I say I want to live.

Life isn't about schedules, and keeping appointments, and my rule book.

It's about experiences and moments and opportunities.
And they usually happen right when you are trying to keep things running smoothly and on your own time schedule.

So I stopped worrying about tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow never comes.
I let my daughter get up out of bed and go get in bed with her Dad and lay the wrong way in the bed and watch God's amazing power be displayed as if it were just for them.

I stayed in her bed and listened to them talk about the storm and about God and didn't worry one bit about her being tired in the morning. I prayed that God would keep reminding me of how I say I want to live and that I will actually do it.

Hoping you seize the moments today.

Mothers Day (part two)

I woke up this morning with a big smile.

I love Mothers day.

Because of 3 sweet girls.

I couldn't have chosen them any better if I'd have been given that chance. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me them.

They challenge me.
Bless me.
strengthen me.
encourage me.
remind me.
forgive me.

And right at this moment, they bake cinnamon rolls for me.

God took a day that held so much pain and turned it into a day with so much promise of His perfection.

I love how He does that!

Mothers Day (part one)

Holidays are weird for me. Even small ones like Mothers day, well maybe especially Mothers day.
I know I am a grown woman and a mother myself, but some feelings from childhood stay with you no matter how old you get.

I didn't have a normal Mom experience growing up.

I was raised by my Dad with only brief, skattered visits on and off with my Mom most of my childhood.
She was a great mom to me when I was a baby, gave me lots of love and cuddles and breastfed me for a long time.
But the trials of life were hard for her. Sometime between me being 2 and 4, alcohol became her life. At around 4 she lost custody of me to my Dad and instead of that being the wakeup call she needed, it only drove her deeper into the arms of Satan.
Those next few years were painful I'm sure, for both her and I.
I really don't have any memory of that time.

She would eventually stop drinking and I became part of her life again, but it was never really a Mother and daughter relationship.
She was someone I desperately loved and yet always felt so sorry for.
She was never really there for me as a teenager offering sound advice or a guiding hand, yet she was there.

The thing that makes me so sad today is that she can not forgive herself. It's all over her. She has tried to live a peaceful life and to be there a little more for her granddaughters than she was for me, but I feel it everytine I'm with her.
Her regrets and her shame and her loss. Our loss.

I have shared Jesus with her tons over the years and she has gone from not wanting to hear anything I had to say to listening with her whole heart and wanting to believe what it is that I'm saying.
I know only Jesus can comfort her broken heart and heal it. My prayer for her is always the same, that she would come to Him and be able to look into His eyes and hear Him say "You are forgiven" and that she would believe it.

Happy Mothers day to the first Mom God gave me. I was knitted together in your womb. Your womb. May you never forget that. I know that Satan messed up our past but I hold tight to the promise of a better future for us, God is not done with this relationship yet. May you never forget that.

"I hate Mondays!"
Garfield



On normal school day mornings, my oldest daughter gets herself up around 5:15  and starts getting ready for school. I get up at 6:00 and help get her lunch together and then take her to the bus stop.
This morning I got up and noticed her door was shut and it was awfully quiet in there, so I went in and woke her up.

She said she got up earlier but that the shower water would not get hot so she went back to bed.

ok there is just so much wrong with that sentence. First of all no hot water means something is wrong with the hot water tank, and like I need another financial issue right this minute. And why would she just go back to bed? Shouldn't she have came and woke me up, so we had some time to figure out what to do?

So,  I go to the bathroom and run the water, and yes she's right, no hot water. Then I go down stairs to the hot water tank and stare at it. Because I'm thinking that will fix it. It didn't work.

So, I tell her that she better get up and just get ready as best as she can and hurry now because she has like 10 minutes.

She is 16, this does not go over well!

She wants to just go back to bed and be late to school until her Dad fixes the water heater and I can just drive her when she's ready.

OK, PRINCESS!

I didn't say that.

I calmly said, get up and get dressed, put your hair in a pony tail and make it work.
Apparently I'm Tim Gunn.


This is where the whining, begging, pleading her case starts.

She informs me that yesterday I told her not to take a shower, to give her hair a break since we were just staying home doing nothing.
She reminds me how greasy AND frizzy her hair gets after just one day without a shower.
She even has tears.

I feel like this is one of those decisions that define you as a parent. One of those moments that help shape the kind of adult your child will be.

I can be a little overly dramatic sometimes.

But I honestly saw her as an adult and this same thing happening. Would she chance losing her job because her hair was icky? Would she expect the world would just wait while she got ready.
And I thought about this boy in Africa and all he had to go through to get himself to school each day and that he would love for a cold shower to be his biggest problem in life.

So, after a few slammed doors and boycotting my breakfast, she went to school.
I tried to tell her not to be mad. That she didn't have a choice right now about this situation but she had a choice about how she was going to react. I reminded her about the kids in Africa we had just been reading about and that maybe God was trying to give her some perspective and remind her how blessed she is.
I'm not sure if she listened. I'm not sure if I even made the right choice. I'm trying to imagine myself going to town without a shower for 2 days. Would I do it with a happy heart?

What would you have done in this situation? Take your child late or go all Tim Gunn on them?

Happy Monday!

Superbowl

It's really all about the food.

Although, I do like to watch football. I even yell at the tv sometimes.
I think I like it even more than my husband, who usually falls asleep.

Football reminds me of my Dad.

He yelled at the tv watched alot of football when I was little. I remember sitting with him and asking question after question about what was going on, what the rules were, who did we want to win.

This is one of those times he would ask, "What are you, writing a book?"

But he always answered every question.

Sometimes I like to call him after the Superbowl and say hi and see what he thought about the game.
I remember when the Seattle Seahawks played in the Superbowl a few years ago and we lost. All because of some really bad calls from the refs.....

After the game, I called my Dad.

We talked about that game, the players, and those awful calls from the refs....

It made me miss him.

It also made me so thankful for him too. He alone gave me the love of watching a football game. It doesn't sound like much, but it's a memory. A good memory.

Actually now that I think about it, it might have been my sister who was obsessed with the Dallas Cowboys in the 80's, who gave me the love of watching the Cowboys Football!


Back to the food.......

I'm no Ree. Have you seen what she's making? I want to be adopted.

But we will have chips and dip, that much I know.
My husband wants some kind of cheese dip made with Velveeta.

Velveeta grosses me out. What is it? Is it even cheese? We'll have to see about that one. I even have a coupon, but still...

And did I try and say the other day that we don't eat Junk food around here?

Anyway,
Enjoy the day. Whether you're a football watching, velveeta eating fan or not just enjoy the day and make memories whatever you do. You never know how important those things will be to someone else down the road.

Go Cowboys!

Are they even in the Superbowl this year?

ha ha! I said I liked to watch football not that I knew what was going on...........

The Baby

My baby turns 6 today.

It makes me so sad, yet so happy too.

She has definately lived up to her place in the family, as the baby.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.



I have pancakes to make. (her request)

I have last minute decorations to put up.

I have silver to polish (not really) and china to set out for our tea party later. (her request)

And I have presents to wrap.

But most importantly;
I have knees to go to and prayers of thanksgiving to give.

Children are a blessing and a gift and a mystery too.
Why some are given so easily into the wombs of some and stay there and do exactly what they're suppose to do and come easily into this world, while others never even have the chance to it make there, is a mystery to me.

A heartbreaking one.

Our childrens' health and our ability to have them and that God would even bless me with 3 beautiful daughters, with personalities and gifts that only He could know I needed, is beyond my comprehension.

So, most importantly it's to my knees I will go this morning and thank Him for giving me such a gift that I don't even begin to deserve.

Day #1

Last night we put our #1's on 2 of our 3 Christmas countdowns/countups, the other is truly a countdown so it was set at 24 days left.

Ok. Did it take any other family forever to figure out what number we are on? It was the 1st and Christmas is on the 25th, how could it be at 24..........we had calendars out and fingers were counted. It was ridiculous. We do it every year.

And yes I homeschool and can't even do basic math. Whatever.

This year so many of you have such great ideas that you have shared in regards to Advent Calendars.

Is it calendars or calenders?

And yes I homeschool and also can't seem to spell.
Whatever.

Some of your ideas included having a small family activity attatched to each day; baking cookies, reading a Christmas story together, etc.

I love this and have stolen tons of your ideas. I did however come up with one of my own. kinda.

Last night's little paper said:
Sing Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is coming to town . together. Outside on the deck. Really loud.


I wish we more of a spiritual family that knew the words by heart to Silent night or something, but I knew we didn't and I thought printing out the words and handing them out and turning into a complete drill sergeant, would ruin the festive mood I was going for. So I went with some classics I knew we all knew.

At first everyone, and by everyone I mean my husband and teenager, bulked. My 5 and 9 year old were all over this!

But my cheery encouragement prevailed and out we all went. It was only 20 degrees out so we probably should have put coats on but I wasn't about to stop now.
At first the singing was quiet and everyone seemed nervous and giggly. But by chorus 2 of Jingle Bells we were belting it out!

We don't even have close neighbors so I don't know what the big deal was. I think it would have been even funner(totaly a word) if we did. I can just see people sitting in their living rooms watching t.v. and thinking they hear singing and stopping to listen for just a minute. Don't you think they would be smiling?

We sure were.
And wasn't that the point. smiles.

So, if you have sing a song together as one of your activities, why not try it outside for the whole neighborhood (or woods) to hear.

Thank you Grandpa

Growing up, I remember my Grandpa telling me stories about being at Pearl Harbor when it was attacked during WWII.

"I survived." He would say. "But most of my friends didn't."

And as December 7th drew closer he would always be a litttle more quiet, and spend more time alone. He didn't talk alot about what his mind must have been replaying, but he would make sure we all knew what that day meant.

I, in all my childhood wisdom, thought he was a little dramatic about the whole thing.
I don't anymore. I wish I would have told him thank you more often for what he did. What he survived.
He died 17 years ago. On December 17th.


On the day my last daughter was born, as I was laying in the hospital bed, holding and smiling at her. I realized what the date was.

December 7th.

I guess God helped me to be able to say thank you to my Grandpa in a way only He could.

Thank you.

Muffin Cookies

No, this is not a great new recipe that I think everyone needs to try.
This is the result of letting your kids help you bake cookies.
I do homeschool after all and baking is one of the easiest ways to help break up a long afternoon and let it still be considered educational.
Of course we were out of chocolate chips, but i did have some butterscotch ones. YUM.
So we just followed the normal recipe. I gave both girls their own big bowls, to help with the fighting of who gets to pour or measure next. I had the brilliant idea to make two batches and that would help us not miss or count any extra measurements.
It didn't help.
Somewhere along the line someone counted either too many cups of flour or too many teaspoons of baking powder.
Hence the title, Muffin Cookies!
They might not have tasted that great, (chewy, gooey, flat)
but we sure had fun, and the girls think they were a success. Even when late last night my husband asked the girls if he could have another one of those muffins!

daughters vs. sons

I love having daughters.

I think raising sons is so much harder. Not that I would know, because I only have daughters.
But, the responsibility of raising a son to be a man just seems harder.

I tend to be a little old fashioned in my thinking. So I picture raising boys to be THE MAN of the family. The provider, the spiritual leader, the hunter and fisher, the decision maker.......basically the Leader of his family.

That just overwhelms me.

Not that raising daughters is always a walk in the park. But I love my "job" as a woman in our family. I love teaching our daughters the things that will help them be great moms and wives someday. That just seeems easy and natural.

I'm not even sure why I am even thinking this today. This is not what I was going to write about.

Maybe it's because my husband got up early this morning to go deer hunting and I'm picturing him out there in the freezing cold, wet, dark morning....alone.

Now, I know there are plenty of daughters out there that love to hunt and hang out with there Dads.....our daughters, not so much.

So, sometimes I am a little sad for my husband.
Maybe a little sad for myself too. Not having the challenge of raising a son.

To all you Moms out there raising sons today. May God bless you with the wisdom and strength to raise amazing sons. Maybe one of them is for one of my daughters. May Jesus be there ultimate example of a man.

Do you think raising sons is harder than daughters?