Monday, August 30, 2010

A change. A big change.

When I started this blog, almost exactly 2 years ago, it was because I was struggling a bit with the fact that my oldest daughter was going to public school for the very first time. I had been homeschooling her for the past 8+ years. When her little sisters came along I had homeschooled them also.

2 years ago I would have never thought that I would ever even consider sending my, now 4th grade and 1st grade, daughters to public school.

That is exactly what will be happening tomorrow.

Our life has gone through a change.
Maybe I have gone through a change as well.

I am so overly emotional and sad and quite possibly a little heart broken about it.
I have prayed for our circumstances to change.
I have prayed for the finances to send my little ones to a private Christian based school.
I have prayed for the desire and strength to be able to do it all, work and homeschool.

And the whole time I kept getting more job offers and kept getting introduced to some amazing people who work at the public school.

In the midst of my worrying and crying, I do sense enough peace about it though.

I am scared that this is the biggest mistake I could make.
And believe me, people have told me that. Satan has told me that.

But I am reminded by God, that He was not scared when He knit these sweet babies together in MY womb. He saw this day already. He didn't do anything to stop it.

So tomorrow at around 8am, if your out and about dropping your own children off at school or standing at the bus stop with them or sitting down at the table at home with them I could sure use your prayers.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I was trying to think about what I wanted to share about from my family vacation.

Most of the things seem too personal.

My Dad's drinking
My Dad and Step Mom bickering and arguing
Step brother being very ill
Niece going through a breakup
Worrying about my sister, yet celebrating a victory with her
My oldest daughter missing her friends and pouting the first few days
My middle daughter missing her swim meet
My youngest daughter.........

ohhh this one's good.......

We missed seeing everyone last year. My step brother and his family, we didn't get to see at all.
My nephew is 16 this year, so 2 years ago when we last saw him he was 14. Boys change alot from 14 to 16. I almost didn't recognize him. And my youngest daughter didn't recognize him at all.

They are 10 years apart but have still had one of those bonds that just draws you together. He is silly and crazy and active and has just always made her laugh. She usually just wants to follow him around, and he has always let her.

When we first got there and I told her to go say hi to him. She would not. He was tall and looked so different and had a really deep voice.
One night as we were all sitting around together after dinner, and she leaned over to me and whispered....
"Where's the real Drew?" 

In her mind this boy we kept calling Drew was not him. It was like she thought we had given her an imposter. She wanted her real cousin. The one she remembered.

Everyone thought it was so cute she had said that. We told him about it and I think he made more of an effort to spend time with her after that. And it didn't take long, after she finally gave him a chance, to see her laughing and following him around again.

It got me thinking about my own self. The real me. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror or a picture and I ask that same question. Where is the real me? Or I'll look at my sister or my Dad and feel concern for them, but after spending some one on one time with them, I find them. The real them. That part of ourselves that is the real us. Our hearts, humor, love, connection. It's all right there, no matter what's going on on the outside.

God knows the real me. He knows the real you. And He loves us.

Inspite of all the family drama I did find myself laughing more about it this year. Letting things go that sometimes linger in my mind and end up causing pain.
I'm so thankful for time with my sister and special moments with my family.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Ahhhh Family....

Off to spend a week with my family.

For those keeping track;

That's my Dad, my Step-Mom, Step-sister Sister and her kids, Step Brother and his girlfriend wife girlfriend and his kids and her kids, and a half Uncle and his wife and their kids.

A week. 7 days.

My Sister and I are the only ones who have given our lives to Jesus.

This week in the past has been hard.
There is just so much baggage and family issues that were never dealt with and they all seem to surface somehow when we're all together. 
All my sister and I want to do is be a witness to our family of God's love, and it's hard.

So would you pray for us this week.
Pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus and that we're able to see our family only through the eyes of Jesus and not through our own hurt childish eyes.

Hoping to come back with at least one funny story testimony.........

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My middle is turning 10

Joining the 10 on the 10th party.

And it's all about my middle daughter who is turning 10 this month!

1. She has been active since day one. When I was pregnant with her, I swore I was having a big football playing boy. She just never stopped moving and kicking and punching and rolling. But now that I know her, I know she was dancing in there.

2. She loves to dance. She takes ballet classes right now but recently has been asking about other types of dance classes. She is currently working with my friend's daughter, who was on the dance team at her high school, they are making up a dance for her and she wants to enter it into the talent show at the fair later this month.

3. She has struggled with reading and spelling, but she is determined to not give up. In fact one of her favorite things to do is write. She is very imaginative and is always making up and writing stories and songs. There are notebooks all over the house from her.

4. She is athletic and very competetive. Which is amazing when it comes to sports but not so much when we are playing board games at home. But she is learning that sometimes just playing the game and having fun is just as rewarding.

5. She is very laid back and friendly and easy going. She doesn't seem to be bothered by much. She gives in to her some what demanding younger sister alot. It takes alot to ruffle her feathers and make her mad. As I'm typing this, I can't even remember the last time she was mad about something.

6. She can worry though. And be scared. But she is often the first to call on Jesus and just start praising His name when something is wrong.

7. She has big beautiful dark brown eyes. When I look into them it's like looking into to her Dad's eyes.

8.She is overly dramatic a born performer. When the power goes out we often ask her to entertain us. She is funny and silly. I don't always get her humor but she can make me laugh like no other.

9. She's an outdoor girl who hates bugs. When she was a toddler and she couldn't go outside, she would climb up on the back of the chair that was in front of the window and sit and stare out. She taught herself how to ride a bike without training wheels at age 6 and wouldn't come in until she got it. She turns sticks into magic wands, grass into food, and blankets into forts. But if a bug gets too close to her she'll come running into the house in a panic.

10. She loves Jesus. She almost always ends her prayers with ....
 " Jesus please come back soon or let me come to you. I just want to see you so bad."

Happy Birthday my sweet middle girl!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A summer update of sorts and memories

The girls survived their first ever out of country camping trip extravaganza.

They did things like scour the tiny town for a store that had marshmallows only to get back to camp and be too scared to venture off in the dark in search of sticks to use to roast them over the fire.
So they improvised, taking forks and sports tape and extra tent pegs to make their own.

It makes me smile thinking about her someday looking back on that weekend.


This weekend is my the girls'  last swim meet of the summer.
Well, there is one more, but we are choosing to skip it and spend the week with my family back on the coast. My parents and my sister and step-brother's families and maybe even some more extended family I have not seen in a few years, since moving.

Some memories are just more important than others sometimes.

My oldest daughter took the written part of the driving test today. She also took it 3 days ago and didn't pass but we are not mentioning that part. She passed! and is chomping at the bit to take the driving test.
I am not.
I still have memories of her riding in the car next to me ( before the whole stay in the back seat until your age 12 law) using a frisbee to pretend she was driving too.

Some memories make you cry.