My baby is 8

Today is my baby girl's birthday.
I am trying not to cry about it. When your baby is not a baby anymore, your heart kinda hurts.

She was a surprise 8 years and 9 months ago.
She was a surprise 8 years ago, as another girl!
And she surprises me still.

She is the only blonde in our family.
She is petite (don't call her skinny because she hates that).
She is bossy, opinionated, and knows just what she wants. I do love this about her even though it tests me as a mom, sometimes daily.
She loves watching the things her big sisters do and wants to be apart of everything. This tests her sisters, sometimes daily.
She loves animals. Last year she talked her dad into bringing our dog to school for show and tell. This week she has been begging asking me to bring in our cat.
She has big beautiful brown eyes. Just like her dad's. But don't tell her she looks like her dad because she will get mad because he is a boy.
She loves to read. She has wanted to read her Bible from beginning to end but just doesn't understand why it's so long and she forgets where she's at and what she read already and then wants to start back at the beginning again.........
She wanted noodles for her special dinner. noodles. that's it.


Happy Birthday 8 year old. You'll always be my baby.

being thankful for family even when it's hard

Happy Thanksgiving.

Most people look forward to spending this day with family. Some we don't see but once or twice a year and it's so fun catching up, giving hugs and kisses, and seeing how the little ones have grown.

But sometimes it's just plain hard.

Sometimes your the only Christian in your family. Your parents or grandparents, your aunts, uncles, cousins the people you have grown up loving and respecting just don't get you.
They cuss, drink, say the Lord's name in vain, argue, bicker, make fun of you........

They're lost.

And it's hard.
You try and be the light of Jesus. Love them where they are. Not judge. Not preach. Not become angry yourself. Wonder why you even bother coming.

My prayer for those of us that may be going through this is that Jesus knows. He's there too.

Jesus had a hard time himself when He went home.
"Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor."  Matt 13:57

May you see your lost family members as just that......lost.
May you see them through His eyes today.
May you be protected from the things that hurt.
May the Holy Spirit be upon you and the words of your mouth be from Him.

And those that have a house full of believers in Jesus, rejoice and be extra thankful today.

40

I turn 40 today. Sometime tonight around 7 pm actually. My Mom will call at the exact moment of my birth. The one constant i could always count on from her. It might not seem like much from a Mom but really it has always meant alot to me. And i know it does to her. She has always said that giving birth to me was  the one thing she got right.

okay I did not mean to make this into a sappy mom post.......

I really just wanted to share my Birthday with you all. All 2 of you that possibly will be reading this. And 1 of those is my sister.........

In honor of turning 40 I am doing a give away (giveaway?)
Maybelline's Great lash mascara (the pink and green tube) and Starbuck's also turned 40 this year, so that's my prize, mascara and coffee!

To enter:
Leave me a Birthday wish and if you are 40 or over, something great about being 40!


*** Contest closed. Winners were the 2 people that left comments...That's you Christy and
Mrs. Claus! ***
** But please feel free to leave me a 40th Birthdaywish and something great about turning 40! **

heartbreak

I went to work at the beginning of the school year.

I really don't consider it work, except for the 5:30 alarm clock and the fact that I am away from home everyday.
I get to go to my best friend's house and watch her grandson, her foster baby, her niece who is also a foster child,and any other little rugrats I can find in the afternoons.
I love it.
If I didn't miss my own girls so much (they all 3 go to public school now...which makes me think I need to change the name of my blog a little bit) I'd say it was the perfect situation.

So, the heartbreak.
The foster baby is 15 mos. old. I wish I could post a picture of him on here, he is so adorable. He has huge brown eyes with the longest lashes ever. They melt me.
I've known him since he was 3 mos. old. I started watching him everyday at 7 mos. old. I started taking him home with me at 11 mos. old. I fell in love with him somewhere along the way.

A few months ago my husband I started talking about becoming foster parents. With the main goal being able to be a real part of his life.
But we just talked about it.
This week I've learned that he is leaving.
I wish I could go into detail about the reasons, but it's so compicated, I don't think I even get it. Ofcourse my heart doesn't want to understand it at all.
He leaves Tuesday.
Today he walked for the first time, like real steps all the way to me. He is a little delayed physically, so this was a huge deal. He was so excited and so was I that we both were just laughing about it, and suddenly my laughter turned to sobs.
In my mind the last few months I have been trying to picture him being part of my family. Which my whole family has fallen in love too. Even my husband.
And now my mind has to picture never seeing him again. My mind can at times make sense of the situation and see that it will be best. But my heart does not.

Why do some people come into our lives and just grab us by the heart, only to leave all too soon?
I'm trusting God with this. What else can I do.

Would you pray for this little boy, for whatever God has in store for him. And for my heart these next few days........

Back in the saddle again

Name that tune......


Well.
It's been awhile. So long that I actually couldn't find the italic button for like 5 minutes.
Found it.

I wish I had words to explain my absence, besides just being too busy. I actually have been extremely busy, but it's been more than that.
I tend to be an all or nothing type of do-er. I hate rushing through things and feeling like I'm trying to cram it all in. The blog part of my life felt like that for the last 5 months or so. I'd still open it up and peak into most of your lives blogs but rarely comment.
But I'm realizing that my all or nothing personality hinders me. It doesn't have to be that way.

I haven't talked to my sister in months. 
I've been busy and I want to give her my time and energy and a clear head and right now I don't have any of that. But maybe all she's needed is an I love you.

I haven't written here because I can't seem to have one inspirational thought that makes any sort of sense and I really don't want to talk about my life as I feel so confused about where I'm at right now. But maybe all I needed to write was a scripture for the day, tell you all to have a great day, or write down that small funny thing one of my daughters did.

I don't have to give my all, only what I have.

gonna go write my sister now. And maybe leave a comment or two.

Why? Why? Why?

I've spent alot of time thinking and rethinking about my first chapter review of Radical and although not skeptical anymore, still confused for sure.

Confused about what this means for me.
Living radical.

One of the biggest eye openers has been how the things I do relate to the building of the Kingdom of Heaven. What am I being Radical about and if theyll matter in Eternity.
I tend to get wrapped up in the every day things and the needs of people right now and not always see where a need may be for their souls.

When I read about Jesus dieing on the cross, in Chapter 2 (pgs. 34-36)
I had to stop and take it in. again.
I know why He died. Maybe lately I've just been focusing on and seeing just my own sins upon Him as He hung there. And believe me, my sins alone are painful to see.

He sweat drops of blood and begged for this cup to be taken from Him and as I read his words reminding us that it was about All of God's holy wrath and hatred towards sin and sinners, stored up since the beginning of the world, about to be poured out on Him, I saw and felt it. It's too painful to even imagine really.

Now Chapter 3 really got me.
On page 45 when he writes that we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power....
ummmm yeah...that slightly describes me. and I don't like it.

But then he goes on to quote my life verse.
"I am the vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I was first saved I read that scripture and the end is what really caught my attention.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.
I can do nothing without Jesus.

All the things I do that have nothing to do with Jesus or his plans......... are nothing.

So why then am I doing so many things?
Why am I worrying about so much?
Why do I care way too much about what someone else thinks about me?
Why? Why? Why?

See the still confused part?

Trying to apply this book to my everyday life is hard but I want to. And wishing I wasn't so confused by it. Jesus was not confused as he prepared to die on that cross. He knew it was going to be unbearably hard and wished it wasnt so. But He was not confused.
I don't want to live confused. I want to live knowing that there are going to be some hard things I will have to do in the name of Jesus and yet boldly do them anyway.