Thursday, December 17, 2009

boys, boys, boys

This has been a tough subject for us.

When my daughter was home schooled it was very easy to keep the boy situation in perspective.

Sure, they have their summer swimteam where the girls and boys all hang out together all summer, practically naked. But it's mostly supervised by us adults and these kids have hung out together for years so it has that more of a family feel to it.

High school is a whole different planet.

we thought we had made it clear to our daughter that we don't really want her to have a boyfriend.

Does that seem extreme?

Here's our case.
(And yes I feel as if I'm in court, under oath, ready to be sent to jail)

That's what having a teenage daughter makes you feel like.  for me sometimes.

She is almost 16. We have told her that when she is 16 she can start dating. 
But not really dating as in having a boyfriend here and one there. More like go to the movies with this boy, maybe a dance with that boy, hang out with one at lunch this day...................

Ya know what I mean?

I don't really like the idea of her having a boyfriend. A boyfriend to me means, hand holding, kissing, and basically one step away from marriage.

I don't want her to have held 20 hands, and kissed 20 boys, before she says I do.
I am trying to protect her from this as much as I can.

High School is not.

"Everyone has a boyfriend, Mom!"
"Everyone has had boyfriends since they were like 13!"

But I don't want her to be like everyone.

But for her, it's hard. She thinks somethings wrong with her because she hasn't had a boyfriend.

(okay I'm really starting to hate the word boyfriend)

2 weeks ago she started talking about this boy on the basketball team. How cute we thought. He called her the other night and they laughed and talked for a whole hour. How cute we thought.

Today she came home and said he asked her to go out with him.
How cute we thought, like meeting at the movies or something...........

No. like as in be his girlfriend.
How not cute we thought.

Where did we go wrong. I swear we've had numerous conversations about this. Is her hormones heart just overriding her senses right now?

I feel a little bit at a lose right now. This is new territory for us and I feel like I have a vision in my head of how I'm suppose to be handling this, but it's not playing out all that well.

I would love any advice, prayers, humorous stories at this point that anyone  can  offer.


Gretchen said...

Would love to help you out, but I've been married for 19.5 years to my high school sweetie. Started dating when I was 15.

I know.


Just think--I have to face this with my own daughter (and son!). It won't be pretty. Godspeed. :)

Irritable Mother said...

Sorry, no humorous stories...
But a heart-felt plea. If you decide that it's OK for your daughter to have this boyfriend and to go out on dates with him - though you have raised her well and taught her good things - please don't stop raising and teaching, and watching.
My parents told me stuff, but they never checked out where I was going, never talked to other parents, never really watched me. And while, at the time, I thought they were too nosy (How dare my mom go into my room and read something I had written on my calendar!!!), as an adult I soooo wish they had followed me and protected me and somehow kept me from making foolish choices.
I'm not saying your daughter shouldn't have a boyfriend. That's up to you all to decide. But if she does, please, please go through the experience WITH her and help her make wise choices. i.e. Help her stay out of positions which will lead to foolish choices.

Oh! Where did the General keep his armies?
In his sleevies!!!
There's a little humor for you. *grin*

Merry Christmas!

Such The Spot said...

Clearly I'm late tuning in on this one. But boy do I hear you. High school is a whole different ball game. And we've been dealing with this same issue with my 15 y/o for some time.