Monday, April 26, 2010


I'm feeling overly tired today.

Not lack of sleep tired, but tired of things.

I'm tired of being on a constant budget for food and gas only to find I never stay on budget.

I'm tired of everytime I think we are getting caught up, there is an unexpected expense that just puts us further and further behind.

I'm tired of sending resume after resume for my husband and not hearing a single word.

I'm tired of my husband's lack of desire to go to church, to just live for Him......

I'm tired of my oldest daughter's schedule. She's just go go go......

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I can't take her somewhere or get her something she needs.

I'm tired of staring at my calendar making sure I don't miss a scheduled payment or a scheduled date.

I'm tired of caring more about what the world thinks of me than what Jesus thinks of me.

I'm sorry. It's just been one of those mornings. I thought maybe if I wrote it all down and told myself I was going to publish it, that it would make me realize how faithless I am being. That it's just all silly stuff and I'd realize how blessed I am.
I do feel blessed.
I do have faith that someday none of this will matter and that Jesus is in control.

But right now it does still stink. I am still tired. And scared and confused.
How can I be of any use to the Kingdom of Heaven if I feel so tired and burdened? I can't seem to see through the fog that this is all for His glory. I can't seem to say "Praise the Lord...we're out of toilet paper...."

I'm going to go read some things now. Things about missionaries, child pornography, Compassion, misscarriages, cancer.........
And cry my eyes out and tell Jesus I'm sorry.
And hopefully be back tomorrow seeing my life through His eyes.

Sorry if things are spelled wrong. I'm also too tired to spell check.


Kellie said...

Sweet friend, I'm sorry you are overwhelmed...I hate that.

I'm reminded of Romans 8.

It helps me remember that sharing in the suffering of Christ makes me more like Him. And for that reason ALONE, I can say thank you when all seems lost.

Hang in there friend!

Rom: 8: 29-30 (MSG)

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

Mrs. Claus said...

Hang in there O Mom!

God made YOU the way YOU are on PURPOSE!

Hope this helps! It helps me when I don't know which way to turn.

New Every Morning said...

Hang in there sweetie. I, too, have felt that way many times. Here's a cyber hug!

Anonymous said...

Am I ever feeling you. I griped all the way to school at my kids about something this morning and when they got out of the car I felt so bad because it's not going to matter in 5 years, but they're going to remember how gripey I was. Ugh, I don't want to leave this legacy. And I hate my budget always being in the red.